You Need a Coach B*tch

We talk about the relationships that keep us small and how people pleasing becomes a way to chase safety at the cost of being known. We walk through family roles, one-sided friendships, and conditioned love, then share practical steps for boundaries, vulnerability, and asking for help.  • noticing where we act “nice” out of fear, not choice  • why people pleasing with close relationships blocks re...

Wanting sounds simple until you realize how many of us were trained out of it. If you’ve gotten good at meeting other people’s needs, staying “easy,” and saying “I don’t mind,” this conversation is a gentle challenge and a practical reset. I talk about how reclaiming identity starts with needs and boundaries, but it doesn’t end there. Desire is where your real self lives, and it’s also the part th...

Who are you when nobody needs anything from you? That single question can stop a high-functioning people pleaser in their tracks, because so many of us learn to survive by being useful, agreeable, and endlessly flexible. When that becomes your default, it can look like a strength while quietly draining your joy and blurring your identity. We talk through what’s really happening under the habits: h...

In this episode we are diving deeper into people-pleasing. We talk about why people-pleasing isn’t a personality trait you’re stuck with, but a survival mechanism a nervous system can learn in childhood. If it felt safer to be agreeable, accommodating, and low maintenance, that pattern makes sense. And for queer folks, the wound can run even deeper when your most basic desire to love who you love...

People pleasing can make you look “low maintenance” while you quietly abandon yourself. Today I’m continuing the permission conversation by getting painfully practical about what it takes to step into your own authority, especially when honesty feels risky and saying no makes your stomach drop. I unpack why we avoid telling ourselves the truth about what we want: conflict avoidance, fear of disapp...

As a recovering people-pleaser one of the most important things I have done for myself is to give myself permission to live the life want instead of the one everyone else wanted. In this episode I talk about:  • the “permission” question and how it unlocks change  • how people pleasing forms for queer and marginalized folks  • perfectionism as a strategy for approval and safety  • growing up with...

Grief doesn’t care about your timeline and it definitely doesn’t care about what other people think you “should” be sad about. I’m sharing the truth of grieving my dog Benjamin, including how the pain knocked me into a depression, how shame kept me quiet, and why losing a pet can feel like the biggest loss of your life. We get into the messy reality of anticipatory grief too: the slow decline, the...

Goal setting can work effectively when you focus on the right things. I share insights from my recent dance boot camp where students were reluctant to set goals due to past failures. • Three types of goals: outcome goals (end results), performance goals (standards within your control), and process goals (daily behaviors) • Outcome goals like gaining confidence can be achieved by focusing on perfor...

After months of struggling with depression and grief, KC Davis' book "How to Keep House While Drowning" became my lifeline by offering compassionate, practical advice for managing daily tasks when overwhelmed. Some takeaways: • Care tasks like cleaning and laundry are morally neutral – not good or bad • Shame-based motivation leads to shame-based rest, creating a harmful cycle • &qu...

Let’s dig into why New Year's resolutions often crash and burn, shall we? Spoiler alert: it’s that toxic cocktail of all-or-nothing thinking and perfectionism that trips us up every time. In this episode, we’ll call out those self-sabotaging habits and serve up a fresh perspective: compassionate goal-setting. Because guess what? Beating yourself up won’t get you anywhere. Instead, we’ll focus...

This episode is all about pulling back the curtain on a transformative year—messy, unpredictable, but deeply necessary. Here's the tea: the path to fulfillment isn't about hustling for achievements or chasing perfect relationships. It's about you —your desires, your boundaries, and your willingness to prioritize your own damn happiness. What you'll hear: 🔑 Understanding what y...

Why is it so hard to forgive? In this episode, we unravel forgiveness's complex, deeply personal nature. We shed light on the concept of releasing the futile hope that the past could be different, a crucial step for moving forward. We explore the delicate dance between wishing for a different past and accepting it, emphasizing that true healing can occur even in the absence of forgiveness. De...

Harnessing the power of the future and the past, we delve into the process of building new beliefs for lasting change. Imagine the satisfaction of reaching a six-month goal and aligning your present actions with future success. We discuss how to cultivate new, positive thoughts about yourself by leveraging past accomplishments as evidence. Practical steps include writing down new beliefs, challeng...

In this episode, let's explore the crucial distinction between self-compassion and self-pity, inspired by Dr. Kristen Neff's transformative work, "Self-Compassion." I dive into how to treat ourselves with the same kindness we'd extend to a dear friend or a child, especially when life throws its inevitable struggles our way. Learn practical strategies to cultivate self-comp...

In this episode, I navigate the crucial topic of setting achievable goals, particularly through the lens of my recent ADHD diagnosis. Reflecting on past ambitions rooted in ableism, I unravel how those unrealistic goals led to burnout and share my journey toward more sustainable and compassionate goal-setting practices.  By challenging the idea that we need to set  "impossible goals," I...

This episode is a sanctuary for those grappling with tough decisions, offering an embrace of self-compassion as we discuss 'picking your pain'—a mantra for intentionally choosing our challenges and the life we yearn for. Join me as I unpack the complexities of juggling personal crises with staying connected to those we hold dear. We confront the inner critic that often amplifies our doub...

This week's topic is all about having the courage to show up in our fullness. Leaning into you means not being afraid to feel anything that might come up as a result of being more true to who we are more often and in more spaces. Join me as I talk through the inspiraton for this episode right from my very own life.  I also provide a framework for you to get closer to yourself so that you can...

As the year unfolds, I've been wrestling with an uninvited companion: my inner critic.  But instead of trying to kick it out, I found that getting to know it—understanding where it's coming from and why it's so relentless—can actually change the game. In our latest episode, we navigate the tricky terrain of self-criticism, exploring its roots and the societal pressures that feed it....

Have you ever considered that the right question might just be the key to unlocking your potential? Journey with me as we harness the art of inquiry to change the quality of our thoughts and emotions. For anyone struggling with overthinking, I share strategies that are both gentle and effective in reshaping your mindset. Get ready to be your own coach. From personal anecdotes to actionable self-co...

In this episode I cast a light on the invisible struggles of those  of us with internalized stigma  in a world that's slow to adapt. By sharing actionable insights and my therapist's 'unmasking' technique, this episode is a call to action for compassionate change and self-advocacy. From the personal to the systemic, we confront the pressing need for inclusive environments that...

In this episode we discuss the distinction between temporary weaknesses that can be improved and inherent limitations that may require acceptance and mourning is explored. This part of the conversation underscores the importance of self-compassion and setting realistic expectations in the face of personal limitations. I hope to highlight that medication, for some, is not a sign of weakness but a v...

Alright, listen up, folks! Today, I've got Kristen Carder, the badass ADHD expert and host of the "I Have ADHD" podcast, joining me for a real talk about adulting with ADHD. We're ripping off the mask of societal expectations and getting real about the struggles of those of us who've mastered the art of hiding our ADHD struggles behind a facade of so-called normalcy. Krist...

Join me on a fearless exploration of vulnerability. From facing a daunting stage to embracing our quirks, I reveal how dropping the armor cultivates genuine connection. Let's lean into discomfort, own our imperfections, and find our tribe. Together, let's unlock the power of authenticity. Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website   Sign up for a free consult

Strap in as we dissect the concept of indulgent emotions—those tricky, sticky feelings that can trap us in quicksand, stalling our momentum. It's a journey through the murky waters of the emotional states that can halt us in our tracks, and a call to arms to confront them with bravery and introspection. By sharing my own struggles and triumphs, I hope to inspire you to take a magnifying glass...

 This week's chat examines the complexities of routine disruptions, the nuances of financial success in coaching, and the pivotal role of personal effort. We dissect the discussion about the coaching industry stirred by Reddit critiques and confront the industry's pattern of coaches coaching coaches, while emphasizing the significance of self-awareness in choosing the right coach for you...