Warped

This week, we're resuming our commentary of one of the most democratically sexy movies ever. We put down our soggy Tiger Beat to acknowledge that a nine year marriage is really long for Hollywood. Minh's sudden onset of fandom is so intense, it's all he can do to keep throwing up a little. We're most of the way through the movie already, so that gives us a chance to slow things down and appreciate...

We're greasing the wheels of Warped by letting Erin pick our traditional end-of-season diversion from the normal weekly Trekscapade. The reward for her patience: arguably the most important and iconic movie of the 90's, "Cruel Intentions." Within the first 15 minutes of the movie, there is a reference to Captain Picard, and really, that's more then enough justification for us to watch it. There's...

Everyone likes a quiz, so let's find out what we smell like to vampires. We bid a fond, albeit temporary, farewell to Dr. Crusher. Minh tries to fire Philippe's producers. Matt experiences a sexual awakening sometime during the 150-year run of "The Facts of Life." Over the years, Jared Leto has slowly crawled his way from the table into the box, but it's unlikely he'll be there for long. Erin give...

There's a shake-up in the Warped crew as we go out for a fun romp with some musty Klingon warriors. Our recording aligns with the release of the new Lower Decks animated Star Trek show, and we tease our own future enjoyment of it.  What kind of a bender are you? Am I asking that correctly? Like, what would you prefer to bend? Rocks?  Erin talks about her preferred type of murderer for ge...

It turns out, Minh has fenced with swords and may have done some black market fencing of swords as well. Shawn starts some unnecessary controversy with some hot takes on the Eiffel Tower. If you wish to discuss this topic with him any further, you can meet him in Mirror Paris. We take a look at some images of young Patrick Stewart, and find that the sex appeal has always been strong with this one....

This week starts with an order for some extra crispy skin, but we're given something much more evil. We long for a time in the far future of our generation ship where we are able to see future crews in past uniforms. Erin tries to subtly cheat the Minh-Bingo game, gets caught, and then decides to cheat openly. Shawn tells us about the first episode of Star Trek he ever watched with Matt. (Hint: it...

Well, if anything can welcome you into a new episode, it's a weird take on how Space Janitor is the prestige job of the future and engineers are basically disposable. Erin teases the dawn of a new age of Corky Romano tidbits. Minh never remembers a name, but he will occasionally remember a face. Silly shows like "Floor is Lava" still spark joy in our child-hearts, but our adult-hearts, knees, and...

Erin "clings on" to the one fact she will remember when the podcast is just a distant speck in her rear-view mirror. We've completely replaced the antiquated game of FMK for the much more streamlined "Box or Table". You would not believe how few of us have seen "The English Patient." May takes a crack at her own version of vocal music trivia. We revisit Correction Corner, and it looks like a coupl...

Matt plays the part of "Secret Romulan" by telling us a little Star Trek fib that leaves us all facing the wrong way. Evolution has weeded out weaponized bathing suit-areas, and that information is now secured for future generations in the event that we are the only remaining anthropological evidence of modern society. We learn about one of Scott Bakula's relatively unknown early works. Minh unlea...

This week's episode sparks some of Jake's earliest Star Trek fantasies about awkwardly cruising the stars in a tricolor Starfleet onesie. We give Marina Sirtis a break from Twitter drama, because she deserves it. Matt proctors an "actors vs. characters" quiz that puts Erin's limited interest in the show to the test. Jean Stapleton brings the show to an abrupt halt. Erin drops another celebrity enc...

This episode has been called "utter nonsense" and "weirder than usual," and that's by one of the hosts, so you know you're in for a wild ride. Minh makes a dramatic entrance and has a surprise in store for us. Over the course of the show we try to catch him up on who killed Bob Fosse's wife and the latest trends in hagfish slime. Then, for some reason, mosquitoes. The helicopters have been buzzing...

After our Zoo Radio intro falls apart around us, we pick up the pieces by talking about male junk ratios. Because Star Trek, I guess. We look back on our less hairy times, except for Shawn. Such times don't exist for him. We have a perfectly civil discussion about the merits of the various comestibles found in Chex Mix, but our conflicting feelings about boba threaten to destroy our friendships an...

We're channeling some public radio vibes and welcoming everyone back with a classy, soothing tone. Our returning listeners will know that anything this orderly can't last for long on Warped. As if to drive this point home in the most succinct way possible, we kick things into a higher gear by talking about people having romantic relations with birds of prey. This episode basically taunts us with s...

We're not sure why the mirror universe version of Picard was cast to be in this episode as a normal Starfleet character, but here we are. 5G Truther Fran Drescher ushers us into a new and more profitable podcast genre. Matt wants to know which brass musician is the sexiest, but Erin demures in favor of sleeping with the whole band. Patches the Podcat blesses the episode with a brief nap on the key...

This week, we reconvene as a full crew to play the popular children's game, "Pin the Nipple on the Riker". Shawn books a trip on the Avatar hype train, but decides to transfer his ticket to the Greyhound bus of disappointment. Erin and Philippe deal with their children wanting to play Fortnite, and now so do we all, because this is our shared reality, and because Jimmy Fallon got away with it, so...

Yes, this is the "Shut up, Wesley" episode, and that just needs to be said right at the top. We're not watching Leaving Las Vegas today; I don't know if we could take it, but we can celebrate Nicolas Cage like a good podcast should. Shawn talks Star Trek Beyond to put us back on topic. The verdict stands that Brent Spiner makes this whole episode work, and a bottle of Chateau Picard makes Matt wor...

Jake gives the crew a friendly, completely on-time "hello" when he makes it to the recording of this episode.   Minh takes a crack at Tom Hanks movie trivia. For our returning listeners, you'll probably know how to bet on the over-under.   If you were ever curious about what LARPing is like, just watch any Star Trek holodeck episode.   We open up an email service to p...

Content Warning: this week's episode contains some scenes of "Full-Frontal Aludity." We put words into Gene Roddenberry's mouth in an effort to get him to speak for himself. Erin wins the show by putting some rods in some berries, but all we got out of it was this lousy t-shirt.  Somehow, Minh has managed to see a TV show that Shawn has not seen, and the show gets thrown completely off course...

Through freakouts and breakdowns, Warped is in the house, staying strong in the face of adversity and mulling over some post-quarantine tattoo ideas. Jake's microphone issues are giving him the "Dateline Whistle Blower" treatment. Quick breakdown of some of our favorites: favorite time-traveling scientist, Christopher Plummer, favorite famous doctor, Dr. Dre. If you could look like anything would...

Sit down with some tea and biscuits and let us tell the tales of our most recent emotional breakdowns. Philippe and Erin are not into the Ferengi transporter sparkles, apparently, but hey, their children are just little babies who don't see age. Farrah Fawcett takes us on a tour of Charlie's Angels old and new. While Jake drops a bomb, a party of five sharks jumps the River(dale). Matt really digs...

This week kicks off with a question: what can we get down Minh's mouth hole? Philippe's sense of humor does a lot of world building and stuns us into silence. He also reminds us that Tasha isn't comfortable unless she's in a crowd. Minh isn't used to seeing so much body hair on men, a hard truth many of us face every day. Our friend from Canada had this episode recorded on VHS back in the day, and...

Erin brings the full force of her popcorn horde to bear on the Lonely Among Us. We play some pool games with Marc Alaimo. There's a certain medical visor that Dr. Crusher wears that instantly becomes an enemy of the show. Starfish can be pretty gross; don't believe the rosy starfish propaganda that's been floating around. The crew channels the spirits of the team that created the alien costumes fo...

Everyone thanks their "femailman" for the dedicated service they continue to provide. Matt takes a stand for fat people representation. We try to understand the nature of Wesley's new sweater buddy. Erin tells us about her unfortunate encounters with the bidet. In Correction Corner, which Matt does, says he won't do, and then does anyway, we go hard for Meredith Baxter and soft for Stephen Collins...

Live and not in person from the Quarantine Zone, bank robbers from an indeterminate century convene to uphold a tradition that, at this point, feels like it must have been established by our forefathers. That tradition: Warped! We've been scattered to the winds and our respective closest Taco Bell locations are miles apart, but just like life, the Warped crew, uh, finds a way! While Minh's mind is...

Welcome to the episode of TNG that brought shame to the entire cast, with one notable exception. Minh pours one out for the homies, and Shawn cleans up his mess. Erin points out the fact that Troi can probably see more than anybody else, but Matt wisely suggests we change the subject. Most of the crew catches up on the whole Parasite phenomenon. MOST of the crew... Anyways, we find some cool uses...