Waking Up to Narcissism

Tony discusses the differences between false memories and confabulation. He then reads a message from the "women in relationships with narcissistic 'fill in the blank'" Facebook group that leads to a breakdown of "Switzerland Friends," as well as how we deal with discomfort, as well as how "family systems theory" could provide an answer to the difficulty the "pathologically kind" person has in ste...

Tony reads two emails from men in relationships with more emotionally immature and/or narcissistic women, and he talks about the challenges a man faces in these types of relationships. Tony references the articles: "Why Men Are More Narcissistic Than Women" by Jeffrey Kluger https://time.com/3734329/narcissism-men-women/ and the often referenced study out of the University of Buffalo, "Study: Men...

Tony shares the 4th installment in the "Death By a Thousand Cuts" series. He gives examples of how being in a relationship with a narcissist or extremely emotionally immature person can feel like "death by a thousand cuts." All of the examples used in this episode come directly from his private women’s Facebook group for women in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature people in th...

Tony shares questions and answers from his forum for women in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature people. The questions deal with narcissistic family systems, whether or not to "confront" or air out the narcissist's drama to the entire family. Two forum members share their "aha" moments, one bringing more clarity (their narcissist having to continually explain that they were a...

Tony reads an email from a listener who shares their “waking up” experience and how difficult it can be to break free from a “trauma bond” and stay strong when the narcissist/emotionally immature partner pushes all the buttons to get you back. He also discusses the origins of “pathological kindness” and shares more from Ross Rosenberg’s book, “The Human Magnetic Syndrome.” https://amzn.to/3iRBsvA...

Tony interviews Ashlee Boyson. Ashlee is an author, trauma survivor, and victim advocate. In 2011 Ashlee’s life changed forever when her husband’s murder revealed his secret life. Ashlee’s book “ The Moments We Stand: Silence Breaks: Book 1” is available at https://amzn.to/3CMwO8Y You can find out more about Ashlee on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/themomentswestand/ or her website http://...

Susie Pettit is a Podcast Host (Love Your Life Show), the founder of Strength: Mind and Body, and a Mindfullness-Based Cognitive Life Coach. Susie has made a career helping women "live lives that feel as good on the inside as they look on the outside." But before finding her calling in helping others, she spent more than half her life living a life she did not love, as a people pleaser and a codep...

Tony shares his 5 rules for interacting and communicating with the narcissist or emotionally immature person in your life. One of the biggest challenges in dealing with the narcissist/emotionally immature is how much time, energy, and emotional calories are spent trying to make sense of the nonsense, the inconsistencies, and the constant moving of the goalposts of what you thought you knew or were...

Tony talks with Kristin Hill, a fellow therapist, about her “waking up” to the narcissism of an in-law and the challenges that come along with interrupting a “family system” that already has an established pattern of behavior around an emotionally immature individual. Kristin is a mental health counselor based in Washington specializing in postpartum mood and anxiety disorders and providing birth...

Congratulations Gaslighting! You have been chosen as Merriam Webster's "Word of the Year" for 2022 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lists_of_Merriam-Webster%27s_Words_of_the_Year. Tony talks about all things gaslighting, from the various types, where it comes from, and what to do when you feel like you're being gaslit. Tony also references the following articles: "What are the long-term effects of ga...

Tony shares a question from his private Facebook group about gaslighting and “breaks down the game film” on why it is still difficult to change your patterns of communication with the narcissist even though you’re now aware of what you previously weren’t aware of. He shares some powerful responses to the question from members of the group who are on the healing side of their relationships. And fin...

Tony reads a message from a listener who asks, "why won't their therapist confront their narcissistic spouse?". He explains more of the origin story of narcissism and how the path of the narcissist leads them to a place where they can't possibly be the problem and why, if you confront the narcissist, it can make matters worse. If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Mar...

Can communication be a form of violence? According to communication expert Marshall Rosenberg it can if you consider "violence" to include attempts at cutting others down to size and/or coercing them into doing what we want. Tony discusses "Nonviolent Communication," and the importance of separating an observation from a judgement, something that narcissists, or highly emotionally immature people...

Tony is the interviewee on Michaela Renee Johnson's "Be You Find Happy" podcast. From the show notes on Michaela's episode, "Ha, got your attention. If you're asking yourself that you're probably not, but you might be in a relationship with someone who is "less emotionally mature." It seems narcissism is on the rise but is it? More and more people are waking up to toxic relationships no doubt and...

Sarah Doucette, author of the book "Stronger Than That: A Domestic Violence Survivor Uncovers the Truth About Her Abuser" https://amzn.to/3FoX5MI joins Tony to share her "harrowing story of a domestic victim's search for the truth about her marriage. Twenty-one-year-old Sarah Doucette married a charming, gregarious and attentive man. Six years later, she left the marriage, lucky to be alive. Suffe...

Tony shares more examples of how being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel like "death by a thousand cuts." It can be extremely difficult to explain what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits and tendencies, is highly emotionally immature, or has a full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. When taken individually, incidents may seem petty, or...

Tony answers a listener's question about the difference between "throwing the narcissist under the bus" and listening, validating, and empathizing with a frustrated child of a narcissistic parent. He also answers questions about why narcissists often employ the silent treatment, as well as can a narcissist get along well with another narcissist? Tony mentioned his presentation in Monica Tanner's "...

Tony explains the “amygdala hijack,” or why it feels like you quickly lose control of your emotions when trying to communicate, or sometimes be around, the narcissist in your life. Is there anything that you can do in the moment, or do you need to simply give yourself grace that it happened, review the “game film” afterward, and make a plan…or c) all of the above? Tony references the article “All...

Tony reads a letter from a listener who touches on several aspects of waking up to the narcissism in their relationship. Tony covers his five rules of interacting with a narcissist, gaslighting, emotional immaturity, what happens when someone begins working on themself in a relationship with a narcissist, and why it can be so challenging to break free from unhealthy relationships in general. Tony...

Tony welcomes Nate Christensen, APCC, back to the podcast to discuss self-care. Nate shares "The Wellness Model" and how the acronym "POSIES" touches on several areas of self-care that can be incredibly effective when dealing with emotionally immature or narcissistic people in your life. POSIES addresses the need for self-care in the following areas: Physical, Occupational/Financial, Social, Intel...

Tony walks through Kristin Milstead's Expanded Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse from her article "Why You Can't Leave the Narcissist in Your Life" https://fairytaleshadows.com/why-you-cant-leave-the-narcissist-in-your-life/ Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to cre...

Tony shares an email from a listener who says that her "waking up" to the narcissism in her relationship saved her life. She shares how her relationship gradually shifted from good to a place where she regularly questioned her sanity. Plus, Tony discusses the "Maddening and Bizarre Things Narcissists Do" by Julie Hall from the Narcissist Family Files https://narcissistfamilyfiles.com/2019/01/30/ma...

Is there such a thing as a "nice narcissist?" Or are they on par with other mythical creatures like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster? Tony goes on a deep dive into Dr. Elinor Greenberg's article "White Knight & Black Knights: Pro-Social & Anti-Social NPD," https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/201804/white-knights-black-knights-pro-social-anti-social-npd and he starts t...

Tony answers questions from his private Facebook group on everything from discovering your self-worth post-narcissism, how you can trust again in your new relationships, levels of intimacy, and more. Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage...

Explaining your relationship to the narcissist or emotionally immature person, people, or entity in your life to those around you can be incredibly validating when it's met with empathy, curiosity, and understanding. But, when you open up to someone and they respond with judgment, neutrality, or "one-upmanship" ("you think your situation is bad, let me tell you about my co-workers, college roommat...