Victor's Oddyssey

Cycle 13, day whatever. Wednesday, June 17th, 3:48 in the morning. I want to relay a lighter experience, as I got the privilege to currently experience it very weirdly. If you’ve heard my last messages, it’s light in the context of this much harder overall journey that I’m now making together with all of you guys. But yeah, let’s start on the lighter note here. Enter Morphine What’s happened over...

Dear Longevity Fighters, It’s unfortunate that I have to announce that my longevity journey is about to end. After struggling for the past two years to the utmost of my abilities, trying to lift every stone that I could see along the path, and through this gut-wrenching, instinctual, nerve-wracking, endless, ceaseless struggle to find a way to combat the diagnosis of widely spread Stage IV GEJ ade...

Fam. Most beloved fam. We’re here in my bedroom. It’s June 17th. Quarter past one at night. Cycle 13. Day... it doesn’t matter anymore. Because this is the last cycle. This is the last one. And I’m here for sending myself off, and sharing this last step in the journey with you guys. A journey that has been such a toil for me. Such hard labor. To give you a bit of an overview, because this is going...

Cycle 13 Day 24. Wednesday, June 3rd. 5:22 in the morning. The twisted adaptability of the human life form. I realized, laying here in my new all-time low in life, how completely twisted our human life form is. How completely devoid of context it can be in its search to adapt to new oncoming environments, contexts, and challenges. Let me just prop up the phone so I don’t have to hold it. Maybe tha...

Cycle 12 Day 26. Thursday, April 30th. 13:30 in the afternoon. Fam, I’m properly fuming right now. A System That Doesn’t Bend Yet again, the healthcare system has shown its indescribable rigidity and utter lack of logical procedure and common sense. As you might know by now, I’ve delayed my treatment currently. You might hear it already by the fact that it’s Cycle 12 Day 26. Normally, my cycle len...

Cycle 12 Day 25. Wednesday, April 29th, 09:09 in the morning. So, waking up to today, I realize that these coming two days are days of examinations. The First Exam: Applied Tree Care Tomorrow I have an examination in applied tree care. The second part of that course that I’ve been having over the last four to five weeks. And I will be examined on my knowledge of subjects including: * different sol...

Cycle 12 Day 20. April 24th, 08:51 in the morning. So yesterday I had a classmate of mine send me a sound system song about gangsters and hoodlums in the street, and how they want to live their life one way, but then reality turns it into another one. And I got inspiration to write him these lyrics. Here it goes. Gangstas In Da Streets Gangstas in da streets, they want to live out their dreams,But...

Cycle 12 Day 20. April 24th, 08:25 in the morning. So I just woke up, and was looking in the chat with a couple of close friends of ours. They had to move house or apartment temporarily because their permanent apartment has gotten water leakage. So for the coming five, six months, they’re going to stay in this other apartment that the insurance firm has found for them. And they’re not fully satisf...

Cycle 12 Day 14. Saturday, April 18th. It’s 05:47 in the morning. And I just woke up to a dream. So here’s another one of my dreamscape diaries. However, this dream I had in Swedish. And I’m pondering whether I therefore should speak Swedish now, but I think it doesn’t really matter. I’ll stick to English, because I don’t remember any exact quotes from the “movie”, I was about to say—it’s kind of...

Cycle 12 Day 13. Friday, April 17th. It’s 03:47 in the morning. And we’re in for another dreamscape diary. This one touches on a few topics and themes that are very dear to my heart. So let’s jump into it. The Dream In the dream, I find myself standing up. At the base of my feet, there is someone close to me, close to my body, who’s laying on his back with his legs kind of in a battle to entangle...

Cycle 12 Day 9. Wednesday, April 15th. 03:39 in the morning. So, a poem—an idea for a poem—came to me upon waking. And I will now read it to you: The Night Train The night train is burning the midnight oil,Racing down the tracks, in hot pursuit of facts,lost to the fact that it is dark along these tracks. It’s dark in these depths, The darkness is whispering: lay still and just rest, But the darkn...

Cycle 12 Day 8. 05:25 in the morning, Tuesday, April 14th. So just a quick addendum to my previous episode on The Corporation . I think the title of the comic is most aptly going to be The Corporation . Because corporation , etymologically, is from corporatio in Latin: to combine in one body, corporare . So we have many bodies, many individuals, many bodies, many individual bodies combined into on...

Cycle 12 Day 8. Tuesday, April 14th. It’s 04:22 in the morning. So. Fam. Everyone listening. The few loyal followers listening to this: You are about to hear the first of my nighttime reflection episodes here that will feature, and mainly wrap around, a new creative idea that I have that I will brainstorm with myself in this recording, and you will follow my thought process. And it’s interesting,...

Cycle 12 Day 8. Sunday, April 12th. It’s 05:10 in the evening. There’s one added part of the story—just a minor detail, but still quite funny and interesting from a physiological point of view—that I wanted to add to the previous S**t Hit the Fan episode. And it’s that when I woke up and immediately felt this weird sticky fluid all around my boxer briefs, obviously it was quite immediately after I...

Cycle 12 Day 7. Sunday, April 12th, 9:58 in the morning. So as I’m lying here in bed, I’m looking back on another weird night. This episode is going to be quite self-revealing, unfortunately. But in the name of transparency, in the name of raw originality, in the name of exposing my full self and the full spectrum of my emotions and experiences going through this odyssey, it needs to be revisited....

Cycle 12 Day 6. Saturday, April 11th. It’s 04:25 in the night. So, the late compression phase symptoms are ongoing and ever-changing. Tonight’s expected intense sensations have been confirmed. And as I now sit here awake, there is a constant—what I can best describe as—a psychedelic rumbling inside of my stomach lining. It is like a continuous dialogue inside my body, trying to find harmony in the...

Cycle 12 Day 6. Saturday, April 11th, 03:10 at night. Here’s a new draft for a song. No More Castling Look at me fasting,I'm everlasting,Lay it all out bare,No more masking,No need for asking,I'm done with basking,This here my kingdom,And there will be no more castling, This king stands naked,Yet he's fine with his attire,Don't need no yes men,Rather have some guns for hire,I ain't no saviour,Go t...

Cycle 12 Day 5. Friday, April 10th. It’s 8:29 in the morning. ...and the second, and most drawn-out, phase of compression-phase symptoms is definitely upon us. As I reviewed in my previous post, all of the aberrations and warps to my bodily sensations, catalyzed by the peak effects of chemotherapy, have really started to set in. This can be clearly seen in my sleep quality. The previous nights bef...

Cycle 12 Day 5. 02:33 in the morning. Friday, April 10th. So I’m lying here in my bed, as you listeners should be used to by now. And I had a wake-up episode where I had this bodily sensation that my symptoms, around this stage in the cycle, were starting to intensify. There is this weird shift coming on where I feel even more intensely that, subjectively, more and more of my bodily systems are in...

Cycle 12 Day 3. April 7th, 01:50 in the night. So we are 9 hours and 10 minutes before the next infusion, the next descent into the underworld—the physical underworld that I will descend into for the twelfth time. You might wonder why I am awake in the middle of the night. Why I am not trying to fall back asleep. And I was wondering the same until a few seconds ago, when I realized that there is a...

Cycle 11 Day 27. Tuesday, March 31st, 6:14 in the morning. So this morning you’ll hear another Dreamscape Diary. Brace yourselves. This one is quite weird, still. A Ride Through Snow and Air I don’t remember all of the details of the dream initially, unfortunately. But it must have been that we were skiing, because I’m in this mountain terrain and there is snow on the ground. At some point, I’m no...

Cycle 11 Day 25. It’s Sunday, March 29th, 6:50 in the morning. And this is another one of my Dreamscape Diaries. I remember suddenly finding myself in a big hall. I don’t remember exactly what kind of space it was, but it might have been something like an airplane hangar. It was very big. And what was just taking place was that I was suddenly part of a cooking competition. On top of that, the them...

Saturday, March 28th, 7:09 in the morning. I’m waking up to Cycle 11 Day 24. So you hear the number 24 and you might be thinking: okay, isn’t Victor undergoing treatment in 21-day cycles? And that is correct. However, I had deliberately extended this cycle because I’m trying to combine the aggressive treatment and recovery I’m going through with my ongoing studies in arboriculture—so tree care, pl...

Saturday, March 21st, 10:04 in the morning. So I realized that my previous entry into the diary was a mixture of a dream retelling and me giving a draft to a song. I want to separate those. So if you’ve already listened to or read the full last episode, you don’t need to go through this one. Drafting the Sound Yesterday morning, a draft to a song came to me. It’s a drill-type song, and the beat ha...

March 21st, 9:31 in the morning. I woke up after quite a pleasant sleep. I haven’t checked my sleep score yet, but I think it might be one of the best sleeps in this cycle. Let me see—I’ll check it now in real time. You’ll get the verdict. Waiting for your sleep data… updating… analyzing… Okay, it wasn’t too good. I scored 77. I slept a total of 7 hours and 22 minutes, with at least over an hour o...