Untamed Ember

You said you were fine with it. You thought you were fine with it. And then your partner went on a date and you spent the whole night on the couch unable to eat, with something sitting in your chest you couldn't name. Most of us have been taught to treat jealousy as a problem to logic our way out of, a sign we're not evolved enough, not healed enough, not ready for the relationship structure we've...

You said yes to opening your relationship. And then something happened in your body that you didn't expect. That's not your nervous system telling you you made the wrong call. That's your nervous system doing exactly what it was trained to do. And it's been training for a very long time. Most conversations about opening an existing relationship start with logistics: the apps, the agreements, the c...

Rules and agreements sound like the same thing in ENM. They are not. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down one of the most common and underexamined dynamics in ethical non-monogamy: what actually separates a rule from an agreement, why the difference lives in the body and the power dynamic rather than the wording, and what it costs when one person's nervous system architecture gets handed to thei...

Most of us never actually chose monogamy. We inherited it. And the guilt, shame, and hypervigilance that show up when we question it aren't signs that something is wrong with us. They're signs that the conditioning worked. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down compulsory monogamy as a nervous system pattern, not just a cultural belief. Drawing on Adrienne Rich's framework of compulsory heterosexu...

In non-monogamous relationships, many conflicts are not about jealousy or trust, they are about information. What needs to be shared, what should remain private, and how people get stuck oscillating between oversharing and withholding. Dr. Misty breaks this episode down into the critical difference between privacy and withholding, and why confusing the two creates unnecessary harm. Privacy protect...

Here's a radical idea: being polyamorous doesn't make you a better person. In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty calls out the weaponized poly discourse that's been laundering bad behavior under enlightenment language. "That's just jealousy." "I don't believe in obligation." "You're asking for hierarchy." These phrases shut down accountability instead of opening conversations. Through the st...

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for more deep dives. Power exchange is sexy when it’s chosen. Power over is toxic when it’s stolen. In this episode, we talk about the difference between ethical dominance and coercion, why consent makes power dynamics hotter, and how trauma and ND nervous systems experience surrender. You’ll learn how to spot red flags, practice ethical dominance, and bu...

If you like this episode, check out my mini-course on Drop at https://untamedember.com Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. You’ve heard of sub drop — the crash after intense play. But tops crash too. In this episode, we explore the neurochemistry of “after”: why dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin swings can leave both tops and subs feeling weepy, anxious, drained, or...

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for deep dives. Switches get a bad rap as “indecisive” — but the truth is, switching between roles is a skill, and it comes with unique consent challenges. In this episode, we explore what it means to be a switch, how to navigate role changes without confusion or coercion, and why nervous system regulation matters when moving from dominance to submission...

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for deep dives. Consensual non-consent (CNC) is one of the edgiest and most misunderstood areas of kink. Done well, it’s cathartic and erotic. Done poorly, it becomes coercion. In this episode, I break down the ethics of CNC: how to negotiate clearly, check capacity, and always have clear off-ramps in place. We’ll talk nervous system safety, why freeze an...

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. “Enthusiastic consent” sounds great — but what if your body doesn’t do loud, verbal yeses? For neurodivergent folks, trauma survivors, and anyone who struggles with words in the moment, enthusiasm might look like presence, softness, or subtle signals. In this episode, we unpack what enthusiastic consent really means, why verbal expr...

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink. If you’ve been in kink spaces, you’ve heard the acronyms — but what do they mean for nervous-system safety? In this episode, I break down SSC, RACK, and PRICK/SSICK, explore where they succeed and where they fall short, and offer a ne...

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. ADHD meds can be a lifesaver for focus, productivity, and stability — but no one tells you what they might do to your sex life. Lowered desire, delayed arousal, harder-to-reach orgasms… it’s a thing, and it’s not your fault. In this episode, I talk about how stimulant medications interact with sexual response, why neurodivergent bra...

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. You want to feel connected, but suddenly you’re gone — body present, mind floating near the ceiling tiles. Dissociation during sex can feel confusing, shameful, or even like proof something’s wrong with you. But here’s the truth: dissociation isn’t failure, it’s protection. In this episode, I break down why nervous systems sometimes...

Ever wondered why detailed negotiation, safe words, and scene structure don’t kill the vibe in kink—they actually make it hotter? For neurodivergent and trauma-impacted folks, clear boundaries and predictable roles can feel like a nervous system exhale. In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty unpacks how structured intimacy (like kink and BDSM) creates real safety, reduces dissociation, and tu...

Ever sat in your car outside an event, heart racing, stomach in knots, every cell in your body screaming don’t go in,  but guilt dragged you anyway? In this episode, Dr. Misty dismantles the toxic myth that keeping every commitment equals moral worth. You’ll learn the neuroscience behind why saying no is an act of nervous system protection, how to spot your body’s “quit signals” before burnout hit...

What happens when your body aches for more touch than your partner, friend, or family can give—or when you crave space while someone else longs to connect? In this radically honest episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty dives deep into the science, shame, grief, and negotiation of “touch hunger” and mismatched touch needs. Discover why touch is a real biological need, how neurodivergence, trauma, fat...

Is waiting agony for you? Do you feel anxious when a conversation goes quiet, or does time vanish when you’re hyperfocused? In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty unpacks how ADHD and neurodivergent brains experience time differently—why pauses can feel like punishment, and why mismatched tempos create conflict, shame, and communication breakdowns. You’ll get a science-backed, radically hones...

Subscribe to the Untamed Ember newsletter for free resources, weekly insights, and more SOFT practices: untamedember.kit.com . Are you haunted by old stories in your sex life—shutdowns, freeze responses, numbness, or shame that shows up right when you most want to be present? In this episode, Dr. Misty takes you deeper than talk therapy, into the places your body holds ancestral scripts about plea...

Grab your FREE content and weekly shame-smashing resources at untamedember.kit.com — where every part of you belongs. — Ever notice that right when things get steamy, your brain turns into a Twitter feed of insecurity? Welcome to the world of parts work, sex edition. In this episode, Dr. Misty dives headfirst into Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and how your inner critic, perfectionist, rebe...

Get weekly, radical resources and bonus episodes free at untamedember.kit.com — Your pleasure deserves better. — Ever wondered why your brain is a full “hell yes” but your body suddenly ghosts the moment things heat up? Or why your nervous system sabotages even the sexiest situations? In this no-holds-barred episode, Dr. Misty goes full trauma nerd on the vagus nerve —that misunderstood highway ru...

Ever had sex with a partner who was physically present but clearly somewhere else? Welcome to the “What the Fuck Just Happened?” club. This episode is for every partner who’s ever wondered why their neurodivergent, trauma-impacted, or just beautifully complex lover seemed to disappear mid-connection—while their body kept going through the motions. Dr. Misty (Untamed Ember) breaks down what dissoci...

Get weekly free resources and bonus podcast episodes—sign up for the Untamed Ember newsletter at untamedember.kit.com . Ever felt like your body was sabotaging you during sex, even when your mind and heart were all-in? In this episode, Dr. Misty unpacks the wild world of somatic therapy and why your body’s “weird” responses are actually wisdom in action—not dysfunction. We’ll break down how shame,...

Ever burst into tears during a massage or felt grief bubble up when you’re just trying to sleep? You’re not broken—and you’re definitely not alone. In this episode, Dr. Misty pulls back the curtain on fascia: your body’s secret emotional archivist. We’ll break down what fascia actually is (think: way sexier than raw chicken), why it hoards every microtrauma and shutdown, and how those mysterious a...

Why does your brain turn into a haunted house the minute you finally feel safe enough to rest? Why do so many trauma-impacted, neurodivergent adults struggle with sleep—even when nothing is “wrong” on the outside? Welcome to Untamed Ember, where Dr. Misty dives headfirst into the Polyvagal Paradox —that infuriating reality where your body refuses to relax, no matter how perfect your sleep hygiene...