Two Filthy Nerds

Dumbledore for the defense - Jessica dreams about getting spit roasted by the Weasley twins - and Nicole is not impressed with Luna Lovegood... But first we "Run Our Filthy Mouths" about Jessica's triumphant return to live comedy, which of course devolves into a dissertation on boxed Mac and Cheese -- -- If you're lactose intolerant, skip to 15:25 to get straight to the Potter talk...

We're starting "The Order of the Phoenix" which means Dursleys, Dementors and WHO'S YOUR GOD-DADDY! Where's Voldy? What's an Metamorphmagus? Will Nicole finally find a husband with dead mommy issues? But FIRST - We run our filthy mouth on the semantics of being "childless." If that offends you... you can skip right to the Potter Talk at 11:20! Subscribe to PATREON!...

This week we are once again stating the obvious: THE BOOK WAS BETTER. We get Nicole's reaction to The Goblet Of Fire movie. Before we get to the movie we run our filthy mouths for a #QuickBitch on International Female Orgasm Day SKIP to the 9 minute mark if you think that female orgasms are a lie invented by the government to destroy the fabric of the American family Subscribe to our YouTube t...

VOLDEMORT IS BACK AND SO ARE HIS DEATH EATERS! What should be a final duel turns out to be just the beginning and Nicole loses her SHIT over who the "most faithful servant" working on the inside of Hogwarts turns out to be. At least Rita Skeeter has been shut the fuck up (quite literally). This episode has so much in it and JMS favorite book of the Harry Potter series has now become Nicole...

SWEET MOTHER OF MERLIN! Harry's having fever dreams that make Trelawney foam at the mouth! He sticks his nose and the rest of himself into Dumbledore's business in a deep sort of way (the Pensieve! Duh!) We find out exactly why Neville was so shook by the Cruciatus curse and most importantly: VOLDEMORT IS BACK AND SOMEONE IS DEAD!! Enjoy this recap of chapters 29-32 of Harry Potter and the...

It's Harry Potter's 40th Birthday and what better way to celebrate than by looking at his astrological chart (as long as some of the signs of other characters) with our hilarious friend Lisa Chanoux who co-hosts the incredible astrology podcast, "What's Your Sign?" We chatted a little about our own signs as well because obviously it wouldn't be Two Filthy Nerds if we didn&#...

Harry finally quits being a bitch and decides to try Cedric's advice on figuring out the second task! Somebody needs to #MeToo Moaning Myrtle! We've got mermaids and grindylows! Sirius is BACK baby! (WHO'S YOUR GOD DADDY!??) And Mr. Crouch is acting very similar to JMS' aunt who has dementia. Enjoy this recap of chapters 25-28 of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! This week we&#3...

Oh fuck! Dobby is BACK babbaaay! And he's working in the kitchen! He brought along Winky who looks similar to JMS and Nicole when either of them are depressed. The Yule Ball is announced so it's horny teenage anxiety all over the place. Harry waits too long to make a move so he's left scrambling along with Ron who clearly has NO idea how to talk to women. Hermione attends with Viktor K...

Nobody believes Harry didn't put his name in the Goblet of Fire and Ron is being a little bitch. We meet Rita Skeeter and she's an absolute monster. Harry gets a great hint about the first task and HOLY SHIT IT'S DRAGONS. He gets dealt the worst hand of the champions in the first task, because of course he does but then he Accio's everyone lips to kiss his sweet ass, as usual. Enjo...

Mad-Eye Moody turns Malfoy into a ferret! Unforgivable Curses! Beauxbatons and Durmstrang have arrived! THE GOBLET OF FIRE! Enjoy this recap of chapters 13-16 of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! This week we're "Running Our Filthy Mouths" about men trying to date when they're unable to give the bare minimum and also wear a fucking mask for fuck sake. (Skip to around the 27:15 o...

WHAT THE F*CK IS HAPPENING!? Death Eaters? The Dark Mark!? AND THE MINISTRY DIDN'T CATCH EVEN ONE PERSON!? Journalist Rita Skeeter would be a nightmare on Twitter. We're finally heading to Hogwarts and WTF NO QUIDDITCH?! None. Because they apparently thought bringing back an old tournament that has resulted in several deaths would be a great idea. COOL COOL COOL NO BIG DEAL. Enjoy this rec...

The Weasley twins are going into the joke business! Everyone's gearing up for Quidditch World Cup! Travel by Portkey! Percy's boss doesn't know his name! A look at the real lives of wizards from around the world! And what the fuck is the deal with this Bertha Jorkins woman? Enjoy this recap of chapters 5-8 of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! This week we're "Running Our Fil...

Riddle House! Harry's scar is burning! The Weasleys invite Harry to the Quidditch World Cup! And you won't believe what happens to the Dursleys! Enjoy this recap of chapters 1-4 of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! This week we're "Running Our Filthy Mouths" about: Fireworks and more (Skip to around 21:24 ish if you want to get straight to Potter Talk) Subscribe to our  YouT...

This was our favorite movie SO far! But we discuss what we missed from the book and the things we really liked about the movie. We Run Our Filthy Mouths for a #quickbitch about grad school and the institution of college, in general, in America. You can get straight into movie madness by skipping to about 5:16. Please take a second to subscribe and review us when you can! JOIN THE NERD HERD! Two Fi...

The students attack a teacher! And HOLY SHIT Scabbers isn't the rat we thought he was! PETER PETTIGREW LIVES! And...OMFG TIME TRAVEL!? "Roads? Where we're going...we don't need roads" (Because obviously we ride hippogriffs to freedom around here!) This is our end of book wrap up on Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban! Onward to JMS favorite book in the HP franchise..Goblet...

SCABBERS IS BACK! AND IS ALLEGEDLY NOT WHO WE THINK HE IS! SIRIUS BLACK IS A DOG!? LUPIN IS A WEREWOLF!? Is everyone about to die? WTF IS HAPPENING HERE!!!!??? This week we're "Running Our Filthy Mouths" about: Career Transition Counseling (Skip to around 22:39 if you want to get straight to Potter Talk) Subscribe to our  YouTube  to see video pods and more! Two Filthy Nerds has a (cur...

Buckbeak is on trial! Malfoy and his dickhead friends try to sabotage the Gryffindor VS Ravenclaw game (to no avail because they're stupid)! A close call with Snape! Lupin saves Harry's ass but confiscates the map (WTF!?) Harry figuratively bitch slaps Malfoy in the Quidditch finals, and Hermione does it literally. This week we're "Running Our Filthy Mouths" about: Black Lives...

OMFG The Marauder's Map!!!!! Ned information on Sirius Black is blowing everyone's mind! Who sent Harry a Firebolt??? What will become of Buckbeak? And the tension between Crookshanks & Scabbers has reached critical mass! This week we're "Running Our Filthy Mouths" about: Corona Virus! (Skip to around 17:22 if you want to get straight to Potter Talk) At Two Filthy Nerds, we...

OUR WORLDLY COMPLAINTS ARE BACK! There's too much to say so we've introduced a new segment: "Running Our Filthy Mouths" at the top of the show where we go off about whatever is going on. This episode, we obviously had to talk about JK Rowling. Malfoy is being a bitch and there's a boggart in the wardrobe! Everyone loves the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! Quidditch r...

Diagon Alley!! FIREBOLT! Crookshanks!! Harry overhears a dark conversation between Mr. & Mrs. Weasley. PLUS A new professor taking the Hogwarts Express? DEMENTORS!? DEATH OMENS? AND OMG HAGRID GOT A PERFECT PROMOTION!??? At Two Filthy Nerds, we believe trans women are women and black lives matter. Two Filthy Nerds has a (currently) very Harry Potter  PATREON!  Join to help support your favorit...

YEAR THREE IS UPON US! Birthday Gifts! Inflating Miserable Aunt Marge! The Knight Bus! And a DANGEROUS escaped criminal who both the muggle and wizarding worlds are being warned to look out for! Also, wtf is the deal with Cornelius Fudge??? Two Filthy Nerds has a (currently) very Harry Potter  PATREON!  Join to help support your favorite dirty dorks and to be part of LIVE chapter readings, tea tim...

We had a LIVE super reading marathon with our patreons on Zoom last week. (Hence that last 6 chapter episode..) Then we just couldn't get enough so we watched the movie and no surprise, it was not as good as the book. BUT there were a few things we really liked and some scene cuts we agreed on. And a few things we were PISSED got left out. Enjoy! Please take a second to subscribe and review us...

Okay so we got a little over our heads and went on a 6 chapter reading bender but can you blame us?? Admittedly, this is too many chapters for one episode so we will proceed in the next book keep this in mind, HOWEVER: OH MY GOD. THE DIARY!? TOM RIDDLE!? HAGRID!? SO MANY SPIDERS! AND A SNAKE THAT KILLS YOU ON SITE!? WTF!??? WE CANNOT WAIT FOR YEAR THREE!! Two Filthy Nerds has a (currently) very Ha...

A ROGUE BLUDGER! REGROWING BONES! PARSELMOUTHS! POLYJUICE POTION! And how saggy are Dumbledore's balls REALLY!?? We cover everything you need to know about chapters 10-12 of Chamber os Secrets and, as always, a lot of things probably nobody needs to know about ourselves. Two Filthy Nerds has a (currently) very Harry Potter PATREON! Join to help support your favorite dirty dorks. Early episode...

We had our seccond High Tea for Patreon subscribers with the hilarious Alan Starzinksi ! We found out his house and favorite characters, and more! We even made Nicole go away so we could talk spoilers! We end all High Teas with live Q&A from the patrons on the zoom. Join to be part of the fun!  Two Filthy Nerds has a (currently) very Harry Potter PATREON! Join to help support your favorite dir...