Trauma Free Relationship

Join us in this episode where we discuss the debilitating role that shame plays in our lives. Shame is the most destructive emotion we have and it is intimately tied to relational trauma. We dissect and explore the difference between shame and guilt, and discuss the 4 ways that shame gets tied to trauma. We also walk through many ways to begin healing from shame. A must listen to episode!

Join us in this episode were we discuss the importance of feelings. We talk about primary and secondary emotions and how to tell the difference between them. We also discuss the three reasons why feelings are important, not only in therapy, but in life. If you have ever wanted to know why therapist place such importance on feelings, then you need to listen to this episode.

Join us in this new episode where we discuss attachment injuries. What is an attachment injury? It is a special kind of wound that often emerges in an attached relationship when one partner fails to 'show up' or be there for the other partner in a critical moment of need. This leaves the injured partner saying, "never again." It shatters the assumptions about having a partner to...

Join us in this episode where we breakdown and discuss how to resolve conflict with an anxious attachment partner. We review with anxious attachment style, put it into context of the relationship and provide advice on how to best resolve conflict. A great compliments to Episode 62 on How To Resolve Conflict With An Avoidant Partner. Listen to both episodes with your partner for the greatest impact...

Join us in this episode as well discuss the importance of playing as a couple. We outline different ways couples can play, such as sharing hobbies, creative outlets, or physical activities such as hiking or camping. We also discuss the benefits of relearning how to play as a couple. This episode hopes to inspire you to let go of your problems for a little while and create some shared play experien...

Join us in this episode where we break down and discuss how to resolve conflict with an avoidant partner. Partner's who lean towards the avoidant style of coping, often deal with their anxiety over ruptures to the relationship by shutting down, dismissing their partner's feelings, and generally moving away from the conflict. This can be extremely frustrating for the more anxious partner wh...

Join us in this episode where we unpack how to provide your partner with a corrective emotional experience. When trauma creates a negative self concept, it often takes a new "corrective" experience in order for the person to heal. Our partners and spouses are ideal to help us heal by providing us with a new emotional experience that doesn't repeat past traumas. We define what a corre...

In this episode we discuss the creative coping mechanism of dissociation. We unpack it's features, symptoms, and put into context how our brain creates this option when other coping options are not available. We dispel some myths around dissociation, and we discuss how to pull back into your sense of self when you are dissociating, thereby helping you return to the here and now in your relatio...

Join us in this episode where we learn about some of the most important cognitive biases that act as a lens in our relationships. Trauma distorts our perceptions of others at times, and when it does, he can fall prey to certain cognitive biases in order to manage our self image and our self-esteem. We break down a list of the common cognitive distortions, how they work, and how we can ultimately p...

Join us in this episode where we break down the concept of Window of Tolerance. This is as device used to describe how we manage, and ultimately regulate our emotions. Trauma disrupts our ability to tolerate strong negative emotions without going into fight, flight or freeze. We discuss ways to regulate ourselves, and ways to increase our Window of Tolerance so that we can increase our capacity to...

Join us in this episode where we reflect on three indisputable facts of being human. First, that we are intricately bound to one another through our relationship. Woven into the very fabric of our being is that we need others. Second, through our relational nature we are also hurt, wounded, and traumatized by our relationships. And finally we can heal by creating new, healthy relationships. Downlo...

Join us in this episode where we explore the wisdom of the emotions. Our feelings aren't something we should be scared of, even the bad ones carry important information that tells us something about our experience. But for many tapping into their embodied emotions has been a struggle. They tend to live in their head and intellectualize the problems in the relationship. What this means is that...

Join us as we discuss the 3 ways trauma impacts your relationship. If you have past wounds and are unsure of how they prevent you from having the kind of relationship you long for, then this episode is for you. Are you ever confused by your feelings and behavior? Do you ever question, why do I feel this way, or why did I get so upset about that? We shine a light on past trauma and how it creates a...

Join me in this episode where we discuss the protectors within us all. These are the hardest working parts of ourselves and deserve more compassion than they get. They are often the largest part of our personality, and get very little credit for the role they play in keeping us safe. We will discuss what they look like and how they function in our lives with trauma, and we will guide you through h...

In this episode we break down some of the most common things we take for granted in our relationship. Sometimes it's the little things that can go a long way in a relationship, and in this episode we offer a reminder of how to reengage with your partner in small ways that pay a big dividend. Download our FREE workbook for couples: https://www.traumafreerelationship.com/pl/2147999609 Sign up fo...

Join me in this episode as I discuss core beliefs. There are positive as well as negative core beliefs. "I am competent at my job" is a core belief. But it's usually the negative core beliefs that give us the most trouble after trauma. "I will always be alone," "I am unlovable," "Bad things always happen to me," "It was my fault it happened." T...

Join me in this episode as I discuss the Zeigarnik effect and how it applies to couples. When ruptures occur and are left unrepaired, then negativity sets in and can actually damage the relationship. The Zeigarnik effect helps explain why it is so important to repair ruptures and not leave them unresolved. Download our FREE workbook for couples: https://www.traumafreerelationship.com/pl/2147999609...

Join me in this episode where we open the toolbox to healing broken trust. Rebuilding trust is a slow, deliberate process that takes time. It is not like a light switch or a one time event (no matter what romantic comedies might portray). Learning to feel safe in your body and connected with another human being after being traumatized takes work and courage. We will provide practical solutions to...

Join me in this episode where I discuss the way to give a proper apology. All couples have ruptures and the successful ones know how to make repairs. But giving a good apology is an art form that everyone can benefit from improving. I break down the do's and don'ts of a sincere apology that will help you bridge the gap in your relationship between letting you partner know you are sincere a...

Join me in this episode where I discuss the signs that may prevent repairing ruptures. Are there times when we need to set aside a problematic relationship and not make repairs? Are there ways in which trying to repair ruptures can actually cause more harm than good? I believe there are. I walk through 6 different signs that may indicate the need to set aside the repair attempts for a period of ti...

Join me in this episode where we discuss what transference is and how it works in you relationship. Transference is a process by which we transfer or project our past experiences onto our current situation or person. This can lead to difficulties creating a real, authentic relationship. We break down the two side of transference and talk about how it works in the anxious and avoidant attachment st...

Join me in this episode as I take a deep dive into exactly what is a trigger and how to handle them. Triggers are a high-jacking of the central nervous system and puts the individual into fight or flight mode. This is different than just normal feelings that may arise in any given situation. Rather a trigger is a fragment or piece of past trauma that reoccurs 'as if' the trauma is still ha...

Join me in this episode where we break down trauma cycles that couples get stuck in, and the negative messages that gets sent through their protection. We dissect how the fear networks in our brain generalize and struggle to tell the difference between imagination and reality. They often conflate the message that is sent by our partner's defensive behavior and their intent, and we look at the...

Join me in this episode when I discuss how to balance independence with togetherness. This is something all couples must negotiate, regardless of whether they have a secure or insecure attachment style. We discuss what make balancing these two needs difficult, and historically why independence was favored over togetherness. Download our FREE workbook for couples: https://www.traumafreerelationship...

Join us in this episode when we explore gaslighting. We discuss the differences between gaslighting as intentional manipulation, versus your partner having a difference experience. We identify what gaslighting looks and feels like, to help you understand whether you are being gaslight in your relationship. And finally, we talk about strategies to consider if you are in an unsafe relationship due t...