Trauma Free Relationship

Attachment trauma often creates a negative internal voice that can rob the trauma survivor of a more peaceful existence. Developing a nurturing internal voice is part of healing trauma. Voices such as: "I deserve this," "It was my fault," "I should be over this by now," can actually prolong the traumatic hold on the individual. Join us as we learn to create a more com...

Being able to take in or internalize the "good stuff" in your relationship is just as important as being able to know your triggers and regulate your emotions. Internalizing love, care, compassion, and empathy from your partner helps to reverse trauma and helps build a new, more positive core belief about yourself. We break down what blocks the ability to internalize the "good stuff...

Join us in this episode where we discuss the difference between emotionality versus true emotion in the anxious attachment style. True emotion provides valuable information and has action tendencies that allow the anxiously attached person to reach their goals. Where as emotionality is usually a combination of high anxiety that is defensive in nature and is used to avoid the more vulnerable emotio...

Join us in this episode where we discuss the mindset (Internal Working Model) of the avoidantly attached partner. Not trusting that others will be there for them, led them to turn off their longing for connection. They value their own independence and autonomy and are great at self-soothing. To rework their IWM, they need to learn to reach out to others and trust that other can be a dependable res...

Join us in this episode where we discuss the mindset of an anxiously attached partner. This mindset, or Internal Working Model, in attachment terms, is where the individual is sensitive to fear of rejection or abandonment, and as a result needs lots of reassurance in their relationship. We discuss how this mindset comes about, and how to begin changing the anxious attachment style.

Join us in this episode where we discuss when trauma becomes part of who we are and how we see ourselves, or a part of our history. Oftentimes we can have parts of our personality that may be rooted in trauma, but overtime it becomes a part of our personality. In this episode we discuss ways to identify which is which and what to do about it.

Join us in this episode where we discuss the health benefits of cultivating more silence and solitude into our lives. Trauma survivors often struggle with silence and solitude, in part, because it can be triggering for their trauma. Instead of avoiding, they are confronted with the feelings, sensations, thoughts, and images that may emerge. Put into practice, more silence and solitude can be a gif...

Join us in this episode where we discuss the different approaches to treating trauma. The bottom up approach works through the body up to the cognitive center of the brain. Whereas the top down approach works from the cognitive center down through the body. Both approaches are important in the treatment of trauma and both approach have their strengths and weaknesses.

All of us have internal conflicts. But trauma can heighten those conflicts to a point where we prevent our own healing for fear of being retraumatized. In this episode we take a look at one of the main conflict for attachment trauma - the need for protection versus the need for connection. We break down this conflict and walk through ways to lessen it's impact on our inner world as well as our rel...

Join in us in this episode where we explore 4 ways the individuals with trauma actually limit their ability to heal. By using these 4 methods traumatized individuals block their ability to create new experiences in their relationships that allow them to have the new, healing kind of responses from their partner. Do you use any of the methods that limit your healing?

Join us in this episode where we explore what secure attachment looks like from 5 different relationship angles: The need for closeness and intimacy versus the need for separateness and independence, the ability to communicate needs and feelings, as well as understand the needs and feelings of your partner, style of responding to conflict, the lends through which we view ourselves and our partner,...

Join us in this episode where we discuss ways to help a partner understand the impact of trauma. Some couples have one partner in which they have suffered some attachment or relational trauma from the past. Helping your partner understand how it impacts the relationship as well as the individual can benefit the them by create a greater space in which they can provide empathy and validation when tr...

Join us in this episode as requested by a listener, on how to support your partner's attachment style when not in a cycle, but rather when things are good and both partner's are feeling connected. We talk about 4 things each partner can do to support the other's attachment style in good times. We usually focus on when things are bad and how to make them better. I love this topic because it turns t...

Join us in this episode as we walk through a process to help couple set goals. This is something I encourage all my couples do at the beginning of each year. It forces them to align their values with their goals and get on the same page. This is not your typical resolutions that quickly fade away as the year moves on, but rather it is a reflective process that helps couple grow together!

Join us in this episode when we discuss how to manage a flashback. We detail the signs of a flashback and how it may emerge within you, such as visuals, emotions, or auditory sounds. We also discuss the 3 types of flashbacks and the most common to relational trauma. We go a step further and lay out 5 steps of how to handle a flashback when it is happening, and then 2 additional steps to understand...

Join us in this episode where we discussed the role cycles play in our most important relationship. Cycles break down trust. They trigger our trauma and keep us stuck in our defensiveness which reinforces negative messages. By deescalating negative cycles we can rebuild trust, which helps us move into our vulnerability which increases the sense of emotional safety. Taking the risk to be vulnerable...

Join us in this episode where we learn how to resolve the imaginary fight. This is something that all of us deal with in our relationships, and those with past trauma can increase the frequency of this phenomenon. The imaginary fight stems from two sources, our attachment relationships, and our psychological mechanism to project our fears and needs onto our partner. Join us as we dive in to learn...

Join us in this episode where we sit in the therapy room together and explore 2 different, yet challenging obstacles couples face in affair recovery. The two obstacles are roles that each partner can fall into as they recover from an affair. The first role is the detective/policing role, which is often assumed by the offending partner. The other role is the good behavior/performance role that the...

Join us in this episode when we learn 5 ways to cultivate gratefulness. Being grateful for the people and things in our lives helps reduce stress and anxiety, raises self-esteem, and benefits resilience. Taking time to appreciate how we are the benefactors of what we have beyond what we have earned helps us create reverence for our lives and can help shift our perspectives from our traumas.

Join us in this episode where we discuss a couple that is thriving versus a couple that is surviving and the necessary elements for both. I break down what I look for when I see a couple to understand where they are in their relationship on the surviving versus thriving continuum. Step into the therapist seat and join me as we discover the important aspects of a healthy thriving relationship versu...

Join us in this episode where we discuss trauma anniversary dates. These are dates that stand out as significant to the trauma survivor as the date their world changed. It could be when they learned of an affair, or the death of a loved one. Either way, anticipating the anniversary dates gives the trauma survivor a unique ability to empower themselves to create a plan that will meet their need at...

Join us in this episode where we break down mutual influence in relationships. We define what it is, explore it's complexities and how to increase influence on your partner, and we discuss the difference between influence and manipulation or control. Download our FREE Couples Workbook: https://www.traumafreerelationship.com/pl/2147999609

Join us in this episode where we breakdown abandonment trauma and the way it plays out in your relationships. We discuss the root causes of abandonment trauma, it's signs and symptoms, and of course how to help heal. If you have ever felt like someone you love is constantly going to leave you, then you can't miss this episode! Download our FREE Couples workbook: https://www.traumafreerelationship....

Join us in this episode where we explore the 3 best grounding techniques that I personally use with myself and my clients. We know that complex and attachment trauma causes the 'window of tolerance' to shrink, which makes it difficult for the person to manage their triggers and reregulate themselves. With these 3 techniques you can begin to expand your window and have a powerful tool to he...

Join us in this episode where we break down the most important things to work on when working on oneself. I often get couples who want to start with individual therapy in order to work on themselves first. I think there is a lot of wisdom in this, only if the individual words on the right things that will actually improve the relationship. Download our FREE Trauma Workbook for Couples: https://www...