Trader Hoes

RIP Joe Coulombe. You turned Hawaiian shirt Fridays into a daily uniform, created a wine selection that put other grocery chains to shame, and provided us with the snacks we didn’t know we needed and now can’t live with out. Wherever you are, we hope there’s pickle popcorn.  In this episode, the Hoes are hitting up Trader Joe’s bagged salad section for half-assed healthy eating. Get ready a toss u...

This week, Katie said it best: “It’s 2020. We’re not saying sorry, and we’re putting Elote seasoning on everything.” Yep, we’re doing a taste test with the brand new Everything But The Elote Seasoning Blend with some help from our Hoes. We took your suggestions and discovered just what this Elote stuff can do. We also reveal a new business idea, debate which president we think is hottest, and cele...

The Hoes are serving up some serious culture with the help of Trader Joe’s many (MANY) yogurts. From dairy alternatives to desserts in disguise, it’s a live and active assortment of gut-fortifying breakfast food. Not on the menu: Evie’s coconut trauma, Katie’s hypothetical son, Rice-A-Roni , and some very distorted Mighty Ducks references.  In the cart: Organic Creamy Cashew Cultured Strawberry Yo...

To celebrate the season of love, we’re falling for a few of Trader Joe’s Valentine’s Day items and ghosting others. We’re also trying to woo you with one of the worst Irish accents you’ve ever heard, Homestar Runner references, and the discovery of Yonic Energy, which will be fueling all of our self-love for the rest of forever. 🛒In The Cart: French Macrons The Jelly Bean Lover’s Jelly Bean Heart...

The Hoes are getting healthyish with Trader Joe's dehydrated helping of fruits and veggies. Crank up the sodium and crunch down on Mother Nature's refinedest because this episode is serving up some savory lewks. Also on the menu: The Beets 90s hit "Killer Tofu," Gardetto's seasoning and Evie's short-lived Girl Scout career.  In the cart: Trader Joe's Contemplated Peas on Earth Just Beets Jerk-Syle...

🎶This is the story of two hoes, Who missed a few new things at Trader Joe’s. And while they sound so sad in episodes, You absolutely love them when they yeet. 🎶  Um, anyway, besides dissecting the role sad girls had on ‘90s music, we also did a little backtracking and rounded up the newish, buzz-worthy items that we missed over the past few months. Plus, we pondered why OBGYNs don’t give out goo...

The Hoes are doing Dry January - and in typical fashion, Katie is starting it two weeks late.  But they’re not stressing because surely Trader Joe has them covered with his fine selection of nonalcoholic bevies, right? RIGHT? Get ready for juice twists no one asked for, scented marker flashbacks and the old timely tunes of Ashlee Simpson.  In the cart: Organic Carrot Turmeric Juice Blend Lemon Gin...

This week, we’ve got your resolution solutions. You know, if your 2020 goal is to bring your lunch to work more often. Either way, we’re sampling Trader Joe’s frozen bowls, wishing for an adult version of Gymboree, and getting the theme song of “Gullah Gullah Island” stuck in your head. Plus, Katie tries shrimp for possibly the first time ever, and Evie teaches her how to say “Bibimbap” for defini...

It’s 2020 and the Hoes are seeing double. This week, Evie and Katie invite their significant others to review new finds and favorites from their local TJ’s. Do these Trader Bros have what it takes to bring Joe’s epic product descriptions to life? Will Evie ever settle on her next indie band name? Can Katie fit through a dog door? Find out on this special new year episode!  In the cart: Creamy Roas...

Happy New Year, Hoes! To celebrate having kept this podcast going for a full year, we're looking back at some of our favorite and most traumatic moments of the past year. From new Trader Joe's staples to one item that almost ended the show entirely, we're going over the good, the bad, and the idiotic (mostly us) from the past year of Trader Hoes. Top 10 Items Kept In The Cart: -Organic Elote Corn...

The Hoes are closing out their holiday series with a seasonal classic: the tin. From popcorn trios to something that may or may not be a drug on Riverdale, its a sweet-meets-savory showcase of Trader Joes’ one-and-done gifting. And just for good measure, they’re throwing in some phallic New Year’s Eve gummies, a caramel guessing game and some waffle cookies Katie can’t pronounce.  In the cart: Jin...

We’re getting pretty fresh in this episode as we brush up on Trader Joe’s holiday peppermint items and learn which ones are a refreshing surprise and which err on the side of toothpaste. Plus, we’re bringing back “That’s What She Said” jokes, wondering how affairs work and really questioning if maybe Trader Joe’s is the one that needs a Patreon account.  In the cart:  Peppermint Mini Hold the Cone...

The insulin isn't the only thing getting spiked as the Hoes embark on a holiday tradition: getting tipsy on Trader Joe's chocolate liqueurs. From the fancy to the figgy, it's a sugary showdown verging on a shit show -- a 50th episode shit show! Not in the cart: Evie's 23andMe results, vodka saunas and CBD candles.  In the cart:  Chocolate Liqueur Cherries Coco Cream Liqueur  Wintery Blend Brandy B...

The holidays have hit, Hoes, and we are munching ahead full blast, starting with Trader Joe’s holiday cookies. Plus, we tease some exciting news (be sure to follow us on Instagram at @realtraderhoes to get the details), buy into Cyber Monday, discuss how we feel about cats, and tell the story of Evie getting fan struck for the first time!  In the cart:  Trader Joe’s and the Astounding Multi-Flavor...

We are so thankful for you Hoes, and just as thankful for Trader Joe’s Thanksgiving fixings! From the corner-cutting classics to the festive fusions that only Joe himself could create these Hoes are all aboard this grocery gravy train. Not on the train: Evie’s secret family stuffing, Paul Hollywood’s soggy bottom and chicken milk.  In the cart: Pistachio Pomegranate Crisps Scalloped Potatoes Quatt...

In this episode, the Hoes get a little silly, fusilli that is, as they take a bite out of Trader Joe’s frozen, single-serve pasta selection. It’s Evie’s turn to exhibit a horrible accent, Katie unveils her idea for a new breastaurant, and they both question Joe’s understanding of Italian food.  In the cart: Fusilli with Vegetables & Basil Pesto Ricotta & Spinach Tortelloni with Red Pesto F...

It’s an epic wrap battle featuring Trader Joe’s finest assortment of tortilla-wrapped fusions. But this pre-made matchup may be more than these Hoes bargained for. Get ready for a rollercoaster of low-carb concoctions, high-steaks tuna and — heaven help us — Katie’s weird moles.  In the cart: - Tuna Salad Wrap - Cubano Seasoned Wrap - Rainbow Wrap - Turkey Club Wrap - Turkey Gobbler Wrap Support t...

Well, Hoes, they've made it to the finale of the Pumpkin Pilgrimage and are closing it out with a smorgas-gourd of Trader Joe's pumpkin products. They're talking everything from liqueur to dog treats, all while struggling with sheet masks, pronunciations, and why Pumpkin Spice never made it into the Spice Girls.  In the cart:  Pumpkin Spice Biocellulose Face Mask Howling Gourds Pumpkin Ale Pumpkin...

The Hoes are taking on Trader Joe's Halloween items, and the puns aren't even the scariest part. Katie and Evie learn how to fight their fears, try to figure out who even likes candy corn, and avoid disappointing Lizzo at all costs.  In the cart:  Haunted House Chocolate Cookie Kit Candy Corn Popcorn Glimmering Pumpkin Sugar-Coated Sugar Cookies spooky Half Moon Cookies Boo Bark Chocolate Mousse P...

It’s Part Five of our Pumpkin Series, Hoes! And these star bitches all about Trader Joe’s sweet, sweet pumpkin spice snacks. From bars to barks, cones to cake, it’s a nonstop striptease of inexplicably boob-shaped treats.  In the cart: Pumpkin Cheesecake  Pumpkin Spices Pumpkin Seeds This Pumpkin Walks Into a Bar Spiced Pumpkin Madeleine Cookies Pumpkin Ginger Hold the Cone Organic Pumpkin Spice G...

The Hoes are hitting a wall with Trader Joe’s nonstop pumpkin parade but they’re powering through thanks to these oh-so-easy, oh-so-lazy breakfast items. Sure, they may just be glorified dessert. And yes, they’re washing it down with breakfast wine. But hey, that’s exactly what Evie’s going to need when she finds out Katie has never, not even once in her fall-loving life, tried a Starbucks pumpkin...

The Hoes are on part three of their pumpkin pilgrimage, and things are getting personal. After the most prep that they’ve ever put into an episode, expectations were high for this fancy pumpkin breakfast. They read instructions (or tried to), identified “seasoned crevices” as the best part of a baked good, and revealed the existence of specific voices that Evie uses for her dogs.  In the cart:  Pu...

The third installment of Ho-ing It Out holds a smattering of firsts for The Hoes. It’s the first time Trader Joe’s virgin, Zack McCarty, sets foot inside a store. It’s the first time the Hoes record on location. And it’s the first time an episode resembles MTV’s The Real World. Things get salty and sweet, the Hoes imagine several innovative concepts (brosé and pumpkin spice vibrators, to name a fe...

It's part two of our Trader Joe's Pumpkin Series, and the Hoes are going all in on the savory seasonals -- as well as people who leave voicemails, balcony falcons (falconies?) and Katie's not-so-subtle pitch to the TJ's demo station associate about this very podcast. Get out of those jeans and into some sweatpants, Hoes, 'cause this autumnal episode is HEARTY.  In the cart: Autumnal Harvest Alfred...

Hoes, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, and the harvest has been bountiful, as Joe himself would apparently say. The Hoes are embarking on a pumpkin pilgrimage, and you better believe this is only part one. Get cozy and get ready for an ungodly amount of pumpkin, Sailor Moon’s autumnal cousin, Harvest Moon, a slight grammar lesson and the introduction of the Unigourd. In the cart: Vanilla...