Till The Wheels Fall Off

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! How much should you focus on the substance? To what degree is the substance responsible for someone's behavior? Is it easier to forgive someone's bad behavior because they're addicted? Should compassion for a struggling addict or alcoholic overshadow your needs for an equal partner, or for honesty in a relationship? With all of the information on...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We continue to answer listener submitted questions in this episode and address the following:  1. How do you learn to trust yourself and your instincts again when an alcoholic spouse has crippled your sense of self. 2. How involved should a spouse or partner be in the decisions around treatment (rehab), aftercare (IOP/PHP/sober living), and even maintenance pro...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We took listener questions for this episode and you can expect to find answers to questions such as: What should you expect when outside life events impact the recovery process, how to handle relapse, can trust be rebuilt after several relapses, is there a point at which trust is no longer on the table, how to handle the shame and guilt that comes from others w...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The recovery journey for a spouse or partner of an alcoholic or addict is not as organized as that of a substance abuser and it's far less controlled. Treatment centers, IOP and PHP programs all over the country offer solace to people struggling from addiction and a safe place for them to get away from their environment to focus on themselves for 30, 60, 9...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Are they serious? Is this normal? How can you tell if someone is really invested in their recovery? In the world of addiction recovery, it's not exactly cut and dry. There are many paths to recovery, and we aren't concerned with how someone recovers, but as to whether real investment into sobriety and accountability are present.  In this episode we di...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Exploring the harsh reality of abuse and its profound impact on spouses, families, and children is no easy feat. Often, we're tempted to deny its existence in our own lives, but that's a dangerous oversight. Our vision gets clouded; we shift blame to addiction or other factors, failing to see the deeper roots of the problem. True liberation demands th...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we discuss anhedonia, or what's commonly referred to as the "blah" feelings of early recovery for both the person coming out of substance abuse, as well as the spouse or partner. We cover the science behind anhedonia as well as what you can do to lessen its effects on your life and get back to feeling better. Many people report fe...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Simply removing the substance accomplishes very little. The term dry drunk refers to someone that has not done "the work." The work is the uncovering of root causes and discovering the "why" behind someone's inability to cope with feelings and emotions that caused them to turn to drinking in the first place. In this episode we discuss d...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Phrases such as "We just need to move forward," "The past is the past, get over it," "Stop bringing up the past" may have a time and place, but not in your relationship post-addiction or after betrayal of any kind. Emotions buried alive never die. While it may be difficult to discuss the past, it's important to discuss it for...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In general, we don't like to be angry. It's uncomfortable and then we're faced with the proposition of confronting someone that has upset us which brings about an entirely new challenge. When it comes to anger with someone in active addiction, it's often futile to address concerns in a constructive way. So then what can you do with the anger...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we discuss some of the lessons we've learned in 4,000 days of sobriety. We discuss pain management, and our partnership with Aleve in their new awareness campaign called "The Painful Truth." Our story is as much about healthy and safe pain management as it is addiction recovery and we discuss what pain management looks like today....

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Being labeled a "Villain" is hurtful when you're just trying to protect yourself and your family. In this episode we delve into the complexities of being labeled the "villain" in someone else's story. Paige candidly shares her journey of grappling with self-esteem issues while navigating the role of the villain and the necessity of...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we cover a particular type of grief common when loving an addicted person called ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is a profound sense of loss and sadness that does not stem from the death of a loved one. It may arise from a lack of emotional connection despite someone's physical presence, or conversely, the persistence of emotional ties in th...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Is the drinking really as bad as I feel it? Is this a serious problem or am I making something out of nothing? Did I sign up for this? Do I need to just suck it up? Am I overthinking or is my gut trying to tell me something? Addiction never feels like you think it would...chances are if you're asking yourself questions such as this, you're in it. We a...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Overthinking can plague your mind with many scenarios, many of which are negative and lead to tumultuous thoughts and anxiety. It's more common today than it has ever been and it's not just unique to spouses and partners of alcoholics and addicts. Paige has recovered from anxiety disorder and is a self-professed recovered overthinker. We discuss the t...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The state of denial never feels like you think it would feel...Most people believe they can intuitively recognize when they're in a bad situation but that's rarely the case. Denial can be a comfortable place to be, but it will suffocate you over time. We discuss 10 truth bombs about denial and our hope is that from this episode you'll be able to...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Infidelity was not part of our story, but we get questions about it weekly. Does the cloud of substance abuse excuse infidelity? Was it really them making the decision to cheat? How do I know if them saying it's not their fault is true? How do you rebuild a relationship after infidelity? We answer these questions and more in our discussion on infidelity fr...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We took questions from the community and extracted the most commonly asked questions about emotional and physical intimacy. We've never openly talked about our sex life or thoughts on it, but we get open and discuss all things intimate in this episode. We talk about how to rebuild intimacy, why men view sex differently, why sex drive plummets for people in...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! If it were as simple as saying "Just love yourself" then wouldn't everybody have a high self-esteem? The work that takes place within a spouse or partner to rebuild after addiction is something we've talked about for a while, but never like this. Paige opens up in a way she never has before with details on the journey of rebuilding her self-...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Books like "Codependent No More" and programs like CODA or Alanon offer a lot of helpful insight on the topic of codependency. Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person's self-worth and identity become excessively reliant on the approval and needs of another person. Codependency does explain some of the behaviors that...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Being a parent is HARD. The emotional labor and mental weight of decisions rests  heavy on healthy couples in equitable relationships. Factor in addiction, and you often have all of the responsibilities of parenting amplified exponentially onto one parent...on top of the weight and uncertainty of being in a relationship with a substance abuser. We discuss the m...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Self-care...oh my. We hear so much about self-care. There are industries devoted to it, so many opinions and options, and the reality is that very few of them apply to people in survival mode. Self-care IS necessary for your wellbeing and recovery, but many of the diets, exercise regimens, morning routines, etc are frankly too much for someone that is strugglin...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! With a new year comes reflection of the past. We consider what worked, what didn't and what needs to change moving forward into the new year. This episode is designed to be worked with a worksheet that you can find on our website in the blog section, and we strongly encourage you to follow along with us. We review our lives in 2023 and discuss successes, f...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! If I'm doing what's best for me, why do I feel guilty? Even when we do what we know is best for us and our families, we have feelings of intense guilt in leaving a toxic relationship or even setting boundaries in one. We discuss natural (healthy) guilt versus manufactured guilt (unhealthy) and why this happens. We discuss our own personal experiences...

Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We take listener questions from our community and inbox from time to time and we're going to answer a great question today. Often times addicts and alcoholics will justify relapses or use because of difficult life events . E.g., loss of loved ones, loss of employment, relationship troubles, stress, family drama, you name it. We discuss today how we have co...