This Was Always Me

Anthony Kavanagh speaks to Rich Clarke about the hidden cost of becoming Kavana - a 90s pop star forced to hide his sexuality in an industry where being openly gay felt impossible. From knowing he was gay at 10 to creating a public persona that masked his truth, Anthony reflects on how years of secrecy and self-denial fed a spiral of anxiety, shame, and addiction. This is a conversation about fame...

Bestselling author Julie Cohen speaks to Rich Clarke about coming out as bisexual in her forties, after more than two decades of marriage and a lifetime of quiet questioning. She reflects on growing up in small-town Maine without the language to understand her feelings, the imposter syndrome that shaped her early experiences of queerness, and how writing became a way to explore the truth...

Zarith speaks to Rich Clarke about surviving violence, secrecy, and state-sanctioned homophobia... and the long road to finding safety in the UK. Raised in South East Asia, Zarith always knew he was different. But silence felt like the only option in a country where being gay was illegal and the AIDS crisis fuelled fear and stigma. At his elite Islamic boarding school, he was outed, assaulted, and...

Al speaks to Rich Clarke about growing up feeling different. Not just because he was gay, but because he was half Chinese in a mostly white school, where he was bullied and made to feel like an outsider. In the shadow of the AIDS crisis, with strict parents and no one to turn to, Al stayed silent. He chose what felt like the “normal” life: marriage, children, and hiding who he really was. It wasn’...

Josi Clay always knew she was different. But growing up in the 1950s, there were no words for how she felt - only the fear that telling anyone could destroy her future. So she stayed silent. At 19, Josi joined the Met Police. For 47 years, she served as a respected officer rising through the ranks and hiding a truth that could have ended her career. By the time she was 60, she was living as a woma...

Norman Goodman knew he was different from a young age. But it was seen as a mental illness. He faced aversion therapy and electroconvulsive therapy to ‘cure’ his feelings. For decades, Norman hid his bisexuality, even from himself, and lived a life as a husband and nurse. It wasn’t until after his wife Marilyn passed away that Norman found the courage to come out publicly. Now in a loving relation...

Moud Goba speaks to Rich Clarke about her journey from silence to pride. Growing up in Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe, she was taught that being gay was sinful, criminal, and impossible. She faced exorcism, was pushed into an arranged marriage, and eventually fled - leaving her home and family behind. But her fight for freedom didn’t end in the UK. Seeking asylum meant proving her sexuality, living in p...

Sir Nick Gibb and Michael Simmonds have been together for 38 years, but kept their relationship hidden from the world until 2015 - the year they married. Nick knew he was gay from university and accepted it, but as a Conservative MP, he felt he had to keep his personal life private to protect his career. For decades, they lived together but kept up appearances - even owning separate properties and...

Gail Rose spent decades believing she couldn’t be both gay and Christian. After becoming a young mum and joining a church that preached same-sex attraction was wrong, Gail kept her true self hidden for years, fearing rejection from her faith and loved ones. She speaks with Rich Clarke about living a ‘dual life’, the pain of being outed, and the turning point that made her want to keep going. Gail...

Richard Martin joins Rich Clarke to share the story of a love that shaped his life. At university, Richard fell deeply in love with another man. It was a relationship full of hope, but lived in secrecy at a time when being gay was illegal. When his partner returned to America, Richard stayed behind and tried to move on. Years later, they saw each other again, both married to women, and the meeting...

Rich Clarke sits down with Isobel - a remarkable trans woman who underwent gender-affirming surgery at 80. Isobel reflects on a lifetime of hiding her true self, trying to meet the expectations of others as a sailor, firefighter, husband, and father. With honesty and warmth, she shares how her wife Margaret, now living with dementia, offered her the support and permission to finally live as hersel...

Rich Clarke speaks with Dame Kelly Holmes, double Olympic gold medallist, former soldier, and proud gay woman, about the reality of hiding her sexuality for 34 years. Kelly reflects on her time in the British Army, when being gay was still illegal, and the constant fear of discovery. She opens up about the emotional toll of living in silence, the pressure of public life, and the lasting impact on...

What if being yourself meant risking everything?  This Was Always Me is a powerful new series hosted by Rich Clarke, launching this Pride Month. Through raw, emotional conversations, it shares the untold stories of people who felt they had to hide their sexuality or gender identity - sometimes for years. From a former Conservative MP to a Zimbabwean refugee, each episode explores the complex reas...