The Weekly Humorist Podcast

Phew. That's literally all I can say right now. When Trump won the election a week ago, I'll be the first to admit that as a lesbian living in America in 2024, I was upset. Not just for my own sake, but for the millions of LGBTQ people in this country whose rights now have an uncertain future. But then, a beacon of light emerged from the darkness, in the form of my friends' mom sliding into my Ins...

To call the recent population shift in Miami seismic is an understatement. According to the United States Census Bureau, the seven largest ethnic groups in Miami comprise of people who have made it into the statistics for the very first time in history. To offer some insights into the dramatic change to the city's demographics, we bring you this overview of the seven largest ethnic groups in The M...

Okay, first of all, I'm not being reactionary here; this is not an excuse to be dramatic and throw a hissy fit. But the current situation in my love life has become untenable, and I have therefore been forced into a corner where my only option is to build a towering, securely built wall around my heart. And this wall will contain a glory hole. What other choice do I have, really? My success with a...

Subject Line: Thoughts re: restructuring…..our user experience Hello team! In light of recent events, I've been told by the upper echelons of our corporation to remind everyone that we should keep our political opinions to ourselves. They have assured me, and tasked me with assuring you, that corporate work exists in a beautiful, untouchable bubble floating above the needs and wellbeing of U.S. ci...

Let me guess. Like millions of other Americans, you've suddenly decided to relocate to the most remote, obscure monastery on the face of the earth and spend the remainder of your life praying, meditating, and avoiding the 24-hour news cycle. Any particular reason? Nah, not really. After all, who needs a reason to spend some quality time with God? Yep. Hangin' with the G-dawg. That's what this is a...

Incelebrity Apprentice Jail or No Jail Let's Make a Plea Deal Fox and No longer Friends No Truth or Zero Consequences 20 Billion Dollar Pyramid Scheme The Amazing White Race This Old Big House The People's Bankruptcy Court Lame Duck Dynasty American Idle Rich Dancing with the Tsars

'Twas the night of the election, and all over cable news, Not a network was covering anything but red states and blues. The pundits were booked on the panel shows with care, As one spoke, ten others all nodded and stared. The pollsters were complacent, all smug with their data, While margins of error would allow backpedaling later. And I, on my sofa, weary from attack ads and rallies, Settled my b...

1. Put a tiny rainbow flag in your pencil cup 2. Wear rainbow tie dye 3. Add an ally background on Zoom 4. Add pronouns to everything 5. Buy pronoun pins for your friends 6. Wear a "Vote With Pride" sticker 7. Reshare "love is love" graphic on Instagram 8. Reshare Lin Manuel Miranda's "love is love" speech 9. Buy a "love is love" shirt 10. Order a rainbow cake for delivery 11. Read up on current q...

As of Tuesday morning, Central Park had gone 29 days without measurable rain, the second-longest dry streak in records that date back to 1869 […} If no rain falls before midnight on Halloween, October would be the driest calendar month in the city's history. - The New York Times, 10/29/2024 It's been a minute since any condensation has been spotted in my vast meadows, but it's not a big deal - I'v...

Phillie Phanatic - You're a big fan of role play. Baxter of the Arizona Diamondbacks - You're into furries and/or are Andrew McCutchen. Swinging Friar of the San Diego Padres - You keep track of your score when you watch Jeopardy! You have never won. Mariner Moose - Your spouse is into role play and asks you to wear the moose head with the Phanatic body. Dinger of the Colorado Rockies - You hit yo...

Dear Subscribers, You may have noticed this newsletter missing from your inboxes over the past several weeks. As most of you know by now, I'm in the middle of an ongoing legal battle. I can assure you that after this week, my fight against the suppressors of free speech will continue on a more regular basis. If you want to put an end to this oppression, subscribe now for a reduced rate of $6 a mon...

Dear Mr. Hinchcliffe, I regret to inform you that the luxury suite we booked for you at the Four Seasons in San Juan has been barred by Puerto Rico's Department of Health and Department of Natural and Environmental Resources due to a substantial pile of solid waste that was mysteriously placed outside of the room late last night. The waste is largely composed of Trump/Vance campaign fliers mixed w...

Ah, the passage of time. With the first day of autumn already in the can, many are eager to embrace the seasonal trappings of fall. Momentarily, we'll be up to our eyeballs in foliage, pumpkin-themed beverages, and, last but not least, offensive Halloween costumes. Unethical costumes have existed for years. As such, the hallmarks are easy to identify: Blackface, brownface, cultural appropriation f...

He's a big fan of Trump. They wear just about the same amount of makeup, and Art loves doing to a human body with a chainsaw what Trump has done to America with his arrogant stupidity. The rumors are true, some audience members are having to leave the theatre due to nausea and vomiting; not from the graphic violence, but rather the artificial butter that soaks the popcorn. While no one seems to be...

To ensure the neighborhood kids have a Halloween to remember, Flesh 'N' Bones is proud to be the nation's top purveyor of premium decaying bodies. We're confident you'll be pleased with the scare potential of our lifeless forms - whether you simply slump it against the front door with a bowl of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups or you go for a more elaborate setup, like an authentic murder mystery for yo...

It's been three minutes since I hit the "Customer Service" button on the men's body wash case, yet I'm still waiting for an employee to come unlock it. Should I hit the button again? I'm going to hit the button again. I apologize to all the shoppers who were enjoying Chris Martin's masterpiece 'Viva La Vida' until a robotic voice ruined the flow with, "Customer service needed in the skin care depa...

January 8: Kid Rock Runs Over Coors Light Cans in Mobility Scooter When the Colorado brewery goes "politically correct" by donating .5 percent of that year's proceeds to public library renovations in underserved communities, Kid Rock burp-bellows proudly, "Fuck that shit." He then lines up dozens of Coors Light cans - which he says he definitely did not buy just for this - and runs them over in hi...

You're at a party and you spot That Person. That Person that you've definitely met a handful of times before because they're usually at these things when you are. They even came to your thing that one time, which was honestly so fucking cool and sweet of them, yet here is your rude little donkey ass unable to pull their dumb name out of your dumb brain overstuffed with random facts from your deep...

"The Justice Department on Friday filed a lawsuit against Virginia, alleging that a state program aimed at removing people from the voter rolls, which Gov. Glenn Youngkin touted in an executive order in August, was implemented too close to the Nov. 5 elections and wrongfully included eligible voters." - Virginia Mercury, 10/14/2024 *** Universal Studios and Blumhouse Productions are excited to rel...

It's almost Election Day in the United States and I've been counting down until November 5th using my Donald Trump advent calendar. Every day I've opened a fun, Trump-themed gift, some of the highlights include: A bumper sticker of Calvin pissing on John McCain's grave. A Trump University degree (that's how you get one now - an advent calendar). A Rudi Giuliani Fortnite skin. He sweats hair dye an...

The USA is wasting a lot of time creating and sending hurricanes, tornadoes and lantern flies to scare patriots during this election season. Think about it, our government is controlling hurricanes to hit red states when they could be controlling so much stuff for this great country. I was just saying to my friend RealPatriot148296494 and he said, like, the government could be controlling high pri...

JUST ABOUT TO GO ONTO THE STAGE and face my opponent at tonight's debate. And folks, I have never been more scared. Not of my opponent. Nor of the awe-inspiring responsibility of representing this proud district. But of spiders. Specifically, brown recluses. Yes, I know, very little venom, but they just freak me out okay? #VoteErnestRyan JUST STEPPED OFF STAGE during the midpoint of the debate wit...

1. The Sister 2. Canned Heat 3. Quill 4. An Encounter 5. Eveline 6. Two Gallants 7. Mountain 8. Country Joe McDonald 9. Ivy Day in the Committee Room 10. The Dead 11. A Little Cloud 12. Ravi Shankar Dubliners: 1, 4,5,6,9, 11 Woodstock: 2,3, 7,8,12 Both: 10