The Weekly Humorist Podcast

Air Bud Tennis: Game, Pet, Match Air Bud Golf: Chip & Mutt Air Bud Boxing: South-Paw Air Bud NASCAR: Need for Breed Air Bud Mixed Martial Arts: Ground-and-Hound Air Bud Spelling Bee: Consonants & Growls Air Bud Hide & Seek: You Can Run, But You Can't Raw-Hide Air Bud Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest: A Wiener is Crowned Air Bud Company Picnic: Pug-of-War Air Bud Frisbee: A Sport Tha...

1st Commandment: Thou shall not have any other gods before me. And by me, I mean me, Trump. This God of yours had a good run, hell of a guy, but let's face it, he's been on his way out for awhile now. 1st Commandment addendum: Thou shall not make me into graven imaginary (not to include bitcoin, NFTs, fake bibles, limited edition coins and plates, hats, shot glasses, and more to be amended at a la...

ALL 200 Executive Orders EXPLAINED Kroger Grocery Haul After NEW Tariffs LIVE: Floating Orb Hovers Above Chicago Bean Alien Invasion or Elaborate Hoax? Zane & Maya Discuss While Cooking Chicken Alfredo Mel Gibson's Message to Orb: "Get The Hell Out!" | FOX NEWS What I Wished I Knew BEFORE I Learned The Orb Was a LIVING Person "It's Similar To Your Human Eyeball" - Orb On The Slimy Membrane Tha...

1st Base: Sniffing each other's skid marks. 2nd Base: Serenading an open wound. 3rd Base: Tea-bagging box set of Stargate: The Complete Series on blu ray. 4th Base: Warm coleslaw enema given by a guy cosplaying as Dean Koontz. 5th Base: Consensual glorfing. 6th Base: Ship In A Butthole (building a small replica of a 19th century schooner in one another's anal cavity). 7th Base: Making a snuff film...

BOB, Boeing's Chief Safety Officer, is seated at the head of a table in a conference room. He is surrounded by Boeing's Quality Control team, including LIZ, the Chief Safety Engineering Officer. BOB (looking at a clock that reads 1:30 PM): Thank you all for making this emergency standup first thing in the morning. I know everyone has a busy day of folding paper planes and setting them on fire, but...

6:00am: Wake up early and check Donald Trump's social media feeds to see if he's been mentioned. See that he has not, and, not that it matters, but Elon Musk has already been mentioned five times. 6:15am: Walk his dog Atlas; promise not to eat Atlas like he ate his last dog. 6:30am: Relax on well-worn couch while his wife Usha feeds and clothes her three young children. 7:00 am: Celebrate Martin L...

Dear Younger Self of a Few Week Ago, I'd like to say I'm proud of you and that, like bourbon, you've been through an aging process and your refinement has made me mature and earthy, with peaty undertones. Instead, I need to say that being drunk on leftover Christmas bourbon eggnog is no excuse for signing me up to be a better you. When we went through the same charade last year, we agreed that in...

"Meta said on Tuesday that it was ending its longstanding fact-checking program, a policy instituted to curtail the spread of misinformation across its social media apps." - The New York Times Hannibal Lecter famously said that "democracy is a slow process of stumbling to the right decision instead of going straight forward to the wrong one." Well Hannibal, we did it. At long last, we have the fre...

In the year 2050, all of the tv shows that you will ever watch in your lifetime are uploaded into your mind at birth. Since you are a clone, the network systems know what shows will be most beneficial for you. Here's a sampling of what you might see. Not Freaky At All Friday When Vicki and her mother accidentally switch bodies, they both decide to accept their new identities and adopt the pronouns...

Despite what Liam Gallagher is yelling through a lightly locked door in this cabin in the woods, I did not kidnap him. I only borrowed Liam Gallagher temporarily. I'm simply keeping him away from his brother Noel Gallagher to ensure the Oasis tour happens. Their Gen X fans need this reunion. This may be the last year we can stay awake late enough to go. I'm trying to tell Liam Gallgher what I'm do...

I live somewhat in the boonies, so people sometimes get lost driving to my place. I'll try to keep it simple. Got a pencil and paper ready? Start by getting on Old Route 4. It's got another name on GPS, but GPS is worthless here because of the surrounding hillocks. You'll be on the road a good long while. If you pass the corn billboard, you've gone too far. Turn around and head back about 20 miles...

SAN FRANCISCO, January 7, 2025 /PRNewswire/ - Uber Technologies, Inc. (NYSE: UBER), the world's largest mobility and delivery technology platform, today announced its first rebranding since UberCab became Uber in October 2010. This strategic move reflects the company's commitment to technological innovation in an ever-changing digital landscape and signals a new era of possibilities. Uber will now...

Eat more scorpions. Hook up to metabo-chamber for at least seven cycles per ankh-coin. Continue worship of The Manor's blood moon delegation. Switch to baked from fried warlock discharge packets. Enlist offspring in clan-wide contest of mental and physical dexterity. Prepare for The Great Merging; check pantry for extra napkins and plastic cups in case of company.

Hey, Greg. No, you're not hallucinating; it's me, your popcorn bowl. I know we don't normally do this, but I don't know how much time we have, so I'd appreciate it if you listen to what I have to say. Greg, I am a popcorn bowl. That means I hold popcorn, not throw up. Aw, here we go - do not get all defensive on me! I promise you're not the victim here. Look, I know you're not the only person who...

The five personality pillars are Clean-Cut, Alternative, Risky, Grunge, and Whimsy. Every person you've ever met is a combination of two, including you. Detailed descriptions of each pillar are below: Clean-Cut You have your shit together. This may be in the form of having a steady job, a tidy apartment, an Excel-sheet budget, or likely all three of these things. This pillar is often associated wi...

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Like Noah building the Ark, I've been whittling away on a side project. I'm now thrilled to be able to share it. Following in the footsteps of my friends Mark, Luke, and John - I'm launching a Substack! To coincide with his birthday, my newsletter unpacks the story of Jesus. Some say he's a myth, several denounce him as a misfit, others declare he's the messiah, and more still ask "But what exactl...

AC/DC: Back in "the" Black Because This Album Sold So Many Copies, Great Job, Mates! Pink Floyd: The Dark Side of the Moon Must Be the Only Place Where They Didn't Get to Hear This Record Fall in Love With It! Michael Jackson: Bad? I Think You Mean Good, Mr. Jackson Fleetwood Mac: The Rumours Are True: This is a Terrific Album! Meat Loaf: Bat Out of Heaven, Actually Creedence Clearwater Revival: C...

You discover your dad practicing your eulogy. Your father's hiding place for his guns is the backpack you wear to school every day. Your math tutor is part of a work-release program. The only parental blocks on your computer are suicide prevention websites. Rather than the Cub Scouts, your parents have you join the Crips. Although they won't allow you to have a dog of your own, they do encourage y...

'Tis the season, and Mazel Tov, Kleenex, for converting me over to your festive Christmas-themed boxes of two-ply, anti-viral goodness. I never knew what my nostrils were missing until I blew them into the tissue born from a box with ornate nutcrackers on it. You didn't ask for my opinion in the pre-marketing discussions, but that's okay. I'm way too old to stick my runny nose up at a box of tissu...

Lately, a lot of the other moms in Bethlehem have been giving me grief for my birth plan: natural, no doctors, and in a shack surrounded by barnyard animals. Yeah, I'm a crunchy virgin mom. You got a problem with it? I wear sandals and it's not because I live in the desert. It's dinnertime? Yeah, I'm making it from scratch-not because that's the only option in 0.5 BC, but because I only eat whole,...

Hey, glad to see everyone! How's everybody doing tonight? I see Frosty was able to get out of rehab in order to be here. Could somebody check, I guarantee you that he's at least fifty percent frozen alcohol right now. A walking, talking pina colada - Please Frosty, just let the hat fall off and leave it at that. Jesus. And Rudolph, you red nosed bastard! I guess we're not supposed to mention that...

"As pressure mounts on federal officials to address ongoing concerns about possible drone sightings, East Coast residents, especially in New Jersey, remain on edge, with similar reports now emerging in Ohio, including a temporary airspace closure over a vital military base." - CNN, December 16, 2024 Listen, up residents of Oz. Please calm down about those monkeys flying over your house in the midd...