The Thriveology Podcast For Thrive Nation

Whenever I am playing a game, I like to know the rules... what I can do and can't do; what I can get away with, and what will get me into trouble. I have the same feeling about life.  The "rules" are principles or strategies to use when things are tough.  They give me a decision tree, to guide my choices. The rules keep me moving forward, toward what I want.  They also keep me honest and living wi...

I admit it. Her words have stuck with me for decades now. She told me, "Don't waste it." She meant that I shouldn't waste my time... my life. Just before she died, she told me, "Make it matter." She wanted to make sure I knew not to waste the precious time I had, and to make my life matter. Her dying words to a young chaplain. And those words have lived within me in the 3 decades since. They still...

Last week, I shared some lessons I learned while I was a hospital chaplain at the beginning of my career. In this episode of the podcast, I share another six. That makes a total of ten lessons. But they only scratch the surface.  My hope is to share some of the bigger lessons that emerged during that time. Few people spend the kind of time a chaplain gets to spend with people on the edges of life....

It was in the early days of my Master's degree and my clinical training.  I spent a summer working as a chaplain intern.  Then I joined the staff of the hospital as one of the chaplains. I had the evening shift. Chaplains have a unique position in hospitals.  There to guide the tough times, celebrate the good times, and share in the spiritual journey.  And while I was there as a staff member, ever...

I was watching television.  This one commercial, it spoke to me.  Not about what they were selling, but the story leading up to the product.  The product seemed irrelevant to the message. The message was about life.  About living.  About living long.  And living as if it mattered. Given my own history of a health crisis, it spoke to me.  And reminded me of a cancer patient in my chaplaining days y...

We need balance.  Tony Robbins notes that we have several human drives. The first two are where we need balance:  certainty and variety.  We need to be able to count on things in life -- that's certainty.  But we also need new experiences and a change of pace -- that's variety. Too much of one makes most of us crave the other... until we get too much of that. Balance. That doesn't mean that we fin...

Oh, if only we could control things.  Everything.  Wouldn't that be nice?  Finally, a chance to change the outcome, keep your loved ones safe, rid the world of injustice.... But... we can't.  We sometimes get caught up in trying.  In particular, we often fall into the trap of trying to control other people.  Usually, with bad results.  Sometimes, with disasterous results. And yet... those concerns...

"But where do I start?", he asked. I was at a conference talking about thriving. I'd spent a good amount of time discussing some principles of thriving. But I could tell it was a bit overwhelming to my new friend. He challenged me, "You said I could thrive, no matter what life is throwing my way. So, where do I start if things are going well, and where do I start when things are not going so well?...

Those thoughts, they get us into trouble, don't they? We keep looking for that thing that will make us happy. We think we know. We think that thing, that person, that place, that paycheck, position, etc., etc., will finally do it. Until we get it, get there, have that relationship, or whatever... only to find that it didn't quite work. Oh, sure, we might be happy for a brief time. But not the way...

If you haven't heard it yet, let me be the first to say, "Happy New Year!"  I doubt I made the cut, but just in case.... One of my favorite things about school, way back when, was that the semester ended.  Each semester stood by itself.  No matter how poorly the semester had gone (and there were several), it was over.  Classes ended, assignments were in, tests were over.  Nothing I could do would...

In the last episode, I discussed 3 ways we get stuck. This week, I cover 3 MORE ways we get stuck. As it turns out, we humans are pretty darn creative in how we get ourselves stuck. And how we manage to think it was someone else who did it! So, in this second round of ways we get stuck, I turn my attention to 3 ways that seem to be outside of ourselves, and outside of our control. Which is why the...

We all get stuck. We want to move forward... but something holds us back. WE hold ourselves back. But WHY do we get so stuck? Well, we do it to ourselves. We don't mean to do it, but we just get in our own way. Which also means that once you understand WHY you get stuck, you can get OUT of your own way. You can get unstuck. Let's talk about 3 ways you get yourself stuck -- and how to get UN-stuck....

And just like that, the Holiday season is upon us! All the hustle and bustle. All the events. All the demands… in the midst of a time that you want to be enjoyable, meaningful, and manageable! Why the stress? In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I discuss the causes of holiday stress. But more importantly, I cover the ways to cope with holiday stress. Don’t let stress rob you of the deeper meanings...

"You can't. . . ."  "I can't. . . ."  That pretty much ends the conversation. Which is unfortunate.  History is littered with people doing the very things someone else said, "You can't do that."  Turns out, you can. And many times, we do the same things to ourselves.  We start tell ourselves, "I can't," and then believe it.  We know we can't do it.  We just told ourselves we can't. In reality, the...

In the United States, we turn our minds this week to being thankful. . . right before we turn our minds to sales, merchandise, consumption. . . and all the things we don't have. It always strikes me as ironic that on Thursday, we are likely going to share the things for which we are grateful, then on Friday, we will knock each other down for the next "have to have." Perhaps that is a metaphor of o...

Do you ever hear yourself say (or just feel), "I'm just not happy"? What does it mean? What's keeping you feeling better?  It might be depression. But it might be something else. (If you are concerned about depression, CHECK OUT THESE RESOURCES.) There are some other reasons for "just not being happy."  In fact, in this week's podcast (you can listen below), I note 4 different reasons.  The good n...

Your mindset doesn't change what is happening "out there," but it can change how you perceive it "in here," in your mind and thoughts.  Which can also change your actions. The circumstances are the same.  But whether you feel stuck or empowered, that depends upon the mindset you carry. Over the years, I have worked to shift into more productive and useful mindsets when tough times hit. (And I prom...

You've got this muscle in you that you might not know about it.  Maybe it is strong, just naturally.  Or maybe you have built it on purpose.  Or maybe it needs a little strengthening. The muscle? Your "resilience muscle."  It helps power you through tough times, so you can bounce back from the struggles. Here's the problem:  many people don't know you can build it.  Many people do their best to av...

I noticed it sometime around September of last year. . . I was getting sucked into the news!  And for several years, I had done a pretty good job of limiting my exposure to the "news." It seems more like an addiction. . . one little taste. . . and you are pulled right back in! To be clear, I am not against the news.  I am not against reporters.  I am not against the networks.  EACH of us is respon...

Start with where you want to end.  Always a good plan for any trip.  Including the long-range trip of parenting.  We need to know where we want to go, if we want any hope of getting there. This week, we close out the series on Raising Thriving Children with a few reflections and final thoughts.  And the first comes straight from Stephen Covey:  "Start with the end in mind." And then course-correct...

"I expect you to _____" is the starting point to many dead-end conversations.  First, it is not a conversation -- it is a demand.  Second, it often leads to resentment, resistance, or both. And yet, it tends to be the default for many parents. Why? Because they don't see an alternative. Let me suggest one:  Agreement. "Can we agree ______?" is often far more productive -- and FAR more likely to ac...

In my recent book, Thrive Principles, I provide 15 strategies for living a thriving life.  In that book, I note that this does not mean an absence of struggle and tough times.  I suggest, instead, that these tough times are the fuel for thriving.  They are the times we build our thriving muscles -- IF we understand how to thrive. Guess what? This is a great list of strategies to teach children and...

Have you noticed that the world is getting more and more narcissistic?  More "Me-Me-Me" thinking is infecting society -- to the detriment to the environment, civility, and those at risk. We can't stay on this course. Is there an alternative? I believe there is a clear antidote to the narcissistic culture.  And I believe parents play a roll in inoculating their children from the narcissism. Let's d...

Have you ever made a recipe -- but forgot a key ingredient?  Or maybe put in the wrong ingredient?  One time, I left salt out of a cookie recipe.  It was pretty bad.  Another time, I accidentally put salt in instead of sugar.  It was awful. Ingredients are important. So, what are the key ingredients to help instill in a child?  To help them thrive? Let's face it:  we will be adding ingredients, wh...

There are so many influences on kids these days.  They are pulled in so many directions.  This has always been true.  The influences might change, but the fact that outside influences pull at kids is consistent. In the 1950's, resilience research started to emerge.  It came about because some researchers who were looking at societal ills noticed that some people managed to navigate the same diffic...