The Spaghetti Wall

Money is one of the top three things couples fight about — and most never talk about it until they're already living together, blending families, or saying "I do." In this episode, Jason Wilcox (LCSW) and Dr. Thaen Saelee (licensed clinical psychologist) dig into the question almost every couple gets wrong: joint accounts, separate accounts, or some mix of both? Drawing on their own very different...

Empathy is the glue of connection — but most of us are accidentally offering something else entirely. In this episode, Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Thaen Saelee, licensed clinical psychologist, break down the real difference between empathy, sympathy, and compassion, and why well-meaning "fix-it" responses often leave our partners feeling unseen and invalidated. They cover the hidden barriers that...

In this episode of the Spaghetti Wall Podcast, licensed clinical social worker Jason Wilcox and licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Thaen Saelee tackle one of the most misunderstood topics in relationships: what abuse actually is. Many people recognize physical violence but don't realize that yelling, name-calling, swearing, manipulation, and coercive control are also forms of abuse. Jason and Thae...

Most couples don’t fall out of love—they fall into routine. In this episode of the Spaghetti Wall Podcast , we break down why dating your partner isn’t optional—it’s essential. Over time, life gets busy, routines take over, and connection quietly fades into the background. But relationships don’t thrive on autopilot. We talk about: Why your brain pushes you into relationship ruts What “dating your...

In this episode of the Spaghetti Wall Podcast, Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Thaen Saelee break down a growing relationship dynamic often called “man keeping”—but the truth is, it goes both ways. At its core, this issue isn’t about gender—it’s about emotional dependency. When does supporting your partner cross the line into carrying them? Why do so many people rely entirely on their partner for emot...

Emotional manipulation isn’t always obvious—and most people don’t recognize it until it’s already affecting their relationship. In this episode of the Spaghetti Wall Podcast, Jason Wilcox (LCSW) and Dr. Thaen Saelee break down what emotional manipulation really is, how it shows up, and how to tell the difference between manipulation, miscommunication, and normal emotional reactions. We cover: The...

What is the “mental load” in a relationship—and why does it leave so many people feeling overwhelmed, resentful, and alone? In this episode, we break down what mental load actually is, how it becomes unbalanced, and why it’s not always about who’s doing more—it’s about who’s carrying more. We cover: The difference between real imbalance vs. perceived overwhelm How one partner becomes the “manager”...

What does it mean when a relationship starts drifting apart—but no one has actually said the words “we’re done”? In this episode of The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Tanay Lee explore the concept of subconscious uncoupling —when one partner begins emotionally disengaging from the relationship without openly acknowledging it. We discuss the subtle signs that a partner may be...

Weaponized incompetence is a trending term — but are we using it correctly? In this episode of The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Thaen Saelee break down what weaponized incompetence actually is, how to tell the difference between manipulation and normal human imperfection, and why mislabeling your partner can quietly damage trust. We explore: The role of intentionality The “...

You’ve probably seen it trending: the 7-7-7 rule for relationships — date every 7 days, getaway every 7 weeks, and take a big trip every 7 months. Sounds simple. Sounds romantic. Sounds… measurable. But is it actually helpful — or just another formula that makes couples feel like they’re failing? In this episode of The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Thaen Saelee break down th...

“Rage baiting” has been labeled the buzzword of 2025—but what does it actually mean? And more importantly, how does it show up in relationships? In this episode of the Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Thaen Saelee, licensed clinical psychologist, unpack the difference between intentional emotional provocation and normal emotional reactivity. Is your partner truly trying to trig...

In this episode of The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Thaen Saelee, licensed clinical psychologist, tackle a common but rarely talked-about relationship issue: What do you do when your partner has friends you don’t like? We explore the difference between preference and control, autonomy versus enmeshment, and how negative core beliefs can quietly escalate conflict. From toler...

Valentine’s Day has a way of turning love into pressure—and connection into conflict. In this episode of The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Tanay Lee unpack why holidays like Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, and birthdays so often lead to resentment, disappointment, and fights. We explore the difference between invitations and expectations , how unspoken needs turn into silent...

What are the questions people really ask about relationships when they don’t know who else to turn to? In this episode of The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Thaen Saelee, PsyD, do something a little different. We explore the top five relationship questions people ask ChatGPT — without reading the answers first. Together, we react in real time and unpack: “Is my relationship n...

We often enter relationships with quiet expectations—hoping our partner won’t change, or believing they eventually will. And that’s where trouble begins. In this episode, we unpack one of the most common relationship traps: loving someone for who you hope they’ll become instead of who they are right now . We talk about how expectations turn into pressure, how resentment builds when change doesn’t...

Passive-aggressive communication can sound harmless—but it slowly fractures relationships. In this episode of The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Thaen Saelee unpack what passive-aggressive communication really looks like, why people use it (often without realizing it), and how it damages trust, emotional safety, and connection over time. We explore the four communication styl...

Have you ever been told “you’re not listening” —or said it yourself—and felt everything shut down instantly? In this episode of The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Tanay Lee, clinical psychologist, unpack why this phrase is so damaging in relationships—and what’s actually happening beneath it. We explore: Why “you’re not listening” feels like an accusation How reactivity and b...

Today we tackle one of the biggest modern stressors in relationships:  What do you do when you and your partner have completely different political views? From boundaries to communication to avoiding toxic patterns, Jason Wilcox and Dr. Thaen Saelee break down how to stay connected, stay curious, and stay grounded—even when the world feels divided. We explore: Why political differences feel s...

In this episode of  The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and Dr. Thaen Saelee, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, break down one of the most confusing emotional experiences:  feeling lonely even when you're in a relationship . We unpack why loneliness happens, how to identify what’s  really  going on inside you, and the practical steps couples can take to reconnect, re...

In this powerful episode of  The Spaghetti Wall Podcast , we explore what grief really looks like—from the emotional waves to the changes in identity, relationships, and daily life. We break down the difference between loss-orientation and restoration-orientation, why grief isn’t linear, how to support someone who’s grieving, and how to stop judging yourself during the process. Whether you’re...

Holidays are supposed to bring joy—but too often they bring stress, guilt, and exhaustion. In this episode, Jason Wilcox (LCSW) and Dr. Thaen Saelee (Psychologist) share personal stories and insights on how to slow down, set boundaries, and reconnect with what really matters. From cultural expectations around food to the pressure to “show up” for everyone, they unpack how to give away the busyness...

Love languages can help—or quietly hurt. Jason Wilcox (LCSW) and Dr. Thaen Saelee (Psychologist) show how love-language ‘rules’ often feed negative core beliefs ( I’m unlovable / I’m not enough ), and how to swap them for  preferences  that you can ask for without making your partner responsible for your feelings. Includes scripts, mindset checks, and a quick practice you can try today.

Social media rewards outrage and agreement — but not truth. In this episode, Jason Wilcox breaks down how  confirmation bias  and  echo chambers  shape what we believe, why they divide us, and how to break free using critical thinking, fact-checking, and curiosity.

Masculinity isn’t the enemy—domination is. Jason Wilcox, LCSW, and   Dr. Thaen Saelee sit down with Danny, a Portland-based designer/photographer, to explore how toxic masculinity shows up as emotional suppression, control, and performative “toughness”—and how healthy masculinity looks like strength with empathy, confidence without domination, and emotion without shame. Danny shares what...

Content note:  Mentions of physical and sexual abuse. Please listen with care. Artist and facilitator  Alex Luu  (creator of  My Own Story / MOS ) joins us to explore why telling your lived story—on the page, in your body, and in front of others—can be profoundly healing. We cover safe containers, movement that says what words can’t, and how  being witnessed completes the...