The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Send us Fan Mail The Kairos Centre Recovery Programme is about the couple recovery, not only the person with the addiction behaviours - where you are in a partnered relationship. Sit in the seat or walk in the shoes of the partner affected and see life from their vantage point - if you dear - if you can! Difficult to stay with it since to do so means subduing  and turning off inclinations toward n...

Send us Fan Mail Change has begun when you can see the problem; moved it from the unconscious to the conscious. It does not, however, mean that you have changed it immediately you recognise and can see the problem; but change has begun. Get up, dust off and get back in the fight. You can do this. Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need:...

Send us Fan Mail " My word is my bond ".  When I was a lawyer, this was an overriding priory and principle. Maybe in the past you have made repeated promises to yourself to stop and/or change the behaviours, but you have not followed through and are disenchanted. Get up, dust off. Get back in the fight. Those that achieve change are those that got up, dusted off and got back in. Take you...

Send us Fan Mail Shame is a massive component that underpins, causing, enhances and maintains the proliferation of sex, porn, love addiction. In this context, we are discussing toxic or what is  otherwise called unhealthy shame. Guilt & embarrassment are off-shoots of shame, but they are different. We can recover from those, but toxic shame says "you are a mistake". That leaves no ho...

Send us Fan Mail Shame keeps Trauma in place, because it gets in the way of us seeking out and getting the help that we need. In the UK a mental health diagnosis remains a sign of weakness. We readily seek help from a Doctor where we have a pathology in the body, but much less so for the more debilitating psychological pathology which stops us functioning effectively. Thank you Prince Harry for re...

Send us Fan Mail Urge Surfing, Mindfulness, Reciting your Pillars, are some ' in the moment'  fight back techniques. Here is another one, taken from our EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) practice that is sure to benefit you. .....but it is all about the tapping, to benefit from igniting the left & right brain - in the form of Bilateral Stimulation. Otherwise, you are j...

Send us Fan Mail Fight the Sabor-toothed Tiger with a lemon! Sucking a lemon and longer, deeper breathing can help you overcome the fight/flight/freeze Sabor-toothed Tiger brain protective response. Let the team at The Kairos Centre show you how. Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp The Kairos Centre created...

Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre If you are not at "Action"; if you have been pushed, enticed, guilt tripped, coerced, under duress, pressurised, police involvement or legal process; partner threat to leave and take the children; such things are not necessarily good enough incentives to see you through a Recovery Programme in the l...

Send us Fan Mail How did Technological Advancement get us here? Cave men drawings on walls ➡ camera/Erotic paintings, literature, Bath houses  ➡ (1860-1970) Camera images, Porn mags, Picture/cinema house projectors (public)  ➡ 8mm projector in homes  ➡ (1973 to 1990) VCR !interactive videos in private home (over take porn mags)  ➡ (1990 to 2004) WWW, proliferation of porn sites,  dialup, broadband...

Send us Fan Mail It all starts in the mind. What starts in the mind, is tossed around over and over and over as you get on with your day, your week, your month (because of your cognition), will eventually percolate into your heart.  A mouth full, but did you get it? People speak the things that are in their hearts. Behaviour (action) will spring forth. That is CBT principles. Regular, frequent, ha...

Send us Fan Mail Sex, Porn, Love Addiction will always cost you way more than you ever bargained. Do yourself a favour. Put pen to paper and spend a chunk of time reviewing the impact, toll and cost it has reaped from you; in terms of Financial spend, Health toll, Personal Development, Relationships, Self-image, Legal conseqences, Social impact, Physical danger & more. Weigh them up. But don&a...

Send us Fan Mail Consider the exerts form this article written by a woman (Lauren Dubinsky - What I wish I'd Known Before Watching Porn, 2012): " I wish that 10 years ago someone had educated me on pornography. What it is, what it does and what it reaches in and destroys in the hearts, minds and bodies of men and women. I wish that someone would have told me that researchers have suggest...

Send us Fan Mail Porn-blockers: The best that a porn-blocker can be is that of being "a delay". They cannot truly block that which a person is determined to view. Delay can, however, get you through to another day of sobriety. The Kairos Webinar Video-on-demand and its Webcam Recovery Programme is all about "The Couple Recovery". A partner should rightly say " ...and what...

Send us Fan Mail One such action to take (amongst other Relapse Prevention Tools) is to write a "Goodbye Letter"  after achieving one year sobriety anniversary. Personify Sex, Porn, Love Addiction as a real person with whom you have been in a real affair. Your partner has not had you 100% to themselves and has shared you with this other person. In the letter addressed to Mrs Sex, Porn, L...

Send us Fan Mail Remember the Stages of the Change process: Pre-contemplation→Contemplation→Preparation→Action→Maintenance→Relapse We are firmly at the Relapse stage, because you now have reached a minimum of one year of sobriety. It is all about what you need to be doing to ensure the rest of your life is sober. Here are some tools to facilitate that long term permanency of sobriety. Look to your...

Send us Fan Mail They are insidious, don't play by the rules and definitely don't play fair. We are talking about Cognitive Distortions. What are they? They are your thinking, telling you untruths to enable you to justify acting out and therefore relapse. You stay on the cycle of sex addiction: Cycle of Sex Addiction This is all taking place at the Preparation Stage . You are 10 minutes...

Send us Fan Mail CBT Cognitive →Behaviour Your thinking →Behaviour Thinking  = Behaviour Get it! Whatsoever you are habitually, regularly, repeatedly, churning around, playing with, dwelling upon, reflecting upon, nurturing in your mind - will eventually (at some point) become the very thing that you will go on to act upon (to do). If you can change your MIND, you can change your LIFE. If you can...

Send us Fan Mail Managing your sobriety is about Risk Management. Risk Managing your Triggers. Just like many projects may include a discussion about possible risks, they go on to consider what to do if those risks manifest. So too, for you, where your aim is to achieve a lifetime of sobriety. You want to keep those old neural pathways shut down and not reactivate or re-open them by constant merry...

Send us Fan Mail Understand brain structure and name the various parts and their role in Sex, Porn, Love Addiction. How does the brain respond to "Trauma"? Understand how addiction hijacks the brain and therefore why I do brain surgery on each of my clients. I cut off the top of their skull, remove their brain and put it on the chair beside them! I talk with the client and separately to...

Send us Fan Mail Secure Attachment defined. Then we take a look at the three Insecure Attachment Styles. Are you Avoidant, Ambivalent/Anxious or Fearful Avoidant. Childhood development holds the clues to their setting up. Know your Attachment Style and affect your behaviour patterns in relationships with others, into your future - with help from The Kairos Centre. Presented by The Kairos Centre -...

Send us Fan Mail The past holds the clues to why we do what we do, which affects our present and shapes our future. Get back control and influence by better understanding you. There are not many shaping influences from childhood as significant as "Attachment Styles". Do you have Secure Attachment in how you do relationships and interact with others or is it Insecure Attachment; if Insecu...

Send us Fan Mail Identify the types of triggers at work and therefore the Feeling-State the person wants to escape? What is the preferred Feeling-State being sought? Know yours. Better understand you. Then you are better prepared for the "fight back", with tried and tested tools - that work - provided by The Kairos Centre. Additionally, people bounce back from tragedy, trauma, crisis, an...

Send us Fan Mail Our "Values", go to the core and foundations of how we prefer to do life. In most every day situations, we would not contemplate undermining our Values. Yet, how is it that when Sex, Porn & Love Addiction behaviours beckon, so quickly our Values face compromise and are even trashed? Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get th...

Send us Fan Mail Identify and know your Top 3 Core Emotional Needs and be better able to understand your patterns of behaviours. What are your Core Emotional Needs? What happens if they are depleted? What are the consequences? How will they manifest in your life? What do they have to do with fight, flight and/or freeze response. Better understand you and how they manifest in "Acting out"...

Send us Fan Mail Shame is a massive issue. Start to know it, understand it, see it and call it out. Begin the journey of underderming it, disempowering it and in so doing, loosening its grip and hold over your life. You can change only what you can see. What you cannot see or understand, you have no hope of affecting or changing and it continues to work away in the unseen (in the unconscious). Com...