The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Send us Fan Mail More about this thing called “ Love Addiction ”. What is it? What it is not. “Push you Pull me” is at work. “ I want you, I love you…..but you're getting too close; you might finish with me, so I am getting jittery and so I am going to push you away, so I force us to end, so you don’t finish with me when I was not expecting it; that must never happen and catch me off guard”....

Send us Fan Mail Defining the difference between Sex addiction & Love addiction: Love addiction is all about trying to getting attention and a sense of feeling wanted, even if the attention is being paid for – since any attention is better than no attention. It has its roots in childhood development causing Insecure Attachment; a sense of rejection and loss – due to a disruption in the early y...

Send us Fan Mail Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (6) Enough now - of this science stuff! Ok then, this is the last one - for now. Delayed childbearing and fewer pregnancies raise the risk of developing breast cancer in women. We are seeing 100% increase in the rates of breast cancer right now. Much more than in the past. Why? A female who has her first child by age 20, has half the chance...

Send us Fan Mail Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (5) Let's focus on women - in this Episode:   What females need to know about themselves: Early sexual arousal rate will influence later addiction to porn. Females are more vulnerable to succumbing to sex addiction where they experienced frequent sexual arousal at an early age. Alcohol consumption raises both sexes testosterone levels u...

Send us Fan Mail Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (4) Got to admit, this science stuff is interesting - if it is true! There are three areas in the male brain that is over twice the size of the female brain: 1) The area that contributes to men having a roving eye and scanning the terrain for females; 2) A part of the hypothalamus (which is the seat of human sexuality); 3) The amygdala (whic...

Send us Fan Mail Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (3) A lot of compact info in this episode. I think my post bag is going to be very full this week with comments about.......! Remember, don't shoot the messenger. Men see promiscuity in a female as a deal breaker when seeking a life-long partner. If a man sees a woman as hard to get for sex, he will instinctively feel that she will more...

Send us Fan Mail Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (2) In all your getting, get understanding. What you can better understand, you have then moved it from the unconscious into the conscious. From the unseen, into the seen. Now you get a chance to go after it and effect change. It can never be the same again, because you know what you are doing! Get it? Remember, don't shoot the messenge...

Send us Fan Mail Sexual Intelligence: Know the science stuff Oh - yuk! Must we? Well - not preaching to you, but knowing the science done by some very clever people, will help you. Remember what this thing called Therapy is about - certainly Therapy from The Kairos Centre; all about moving as much from the unconscious, into the conscious - then you get a chance to go after what you can now better...

Send us Fan Mail You need to keep your guards up. The stuff (which is now in your past), will keep trying to trip you up. You need to apply effort in order to maintain the hard earned and carved out gains; but gains there are; very tangible; very real. You did it. Not a programme. You did it. I could lead the horse to water, but as a facilitator, I could not make it drink. (By the way, I wasn&apos...

Send us Fan Mail One such tool - is your Support Structure of people that you can call upon when triggered and the going is tough on a particular day - to get you through that day. Who is in your Inner circle of three close support contacts? Don't go it alone. Don't be an island; "Shame" loves that and rubs its hands with glee - "Got ya". Talk to the three. Tell them...

Send us Fan Mail When all else fails; when all the tools have not helped; when you're triggered and battling the near eleventh hour; when you are about to act out. You know it; it seems inevitable; deja vu. You have been hear before; oh so many, many times. So annoying; so frustrating. You know the morning after the night before, is coming; you know the self recrimination will follow; the gui...

Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Know you, know self, know your brain. It is not always your bestest bestest bff. It often is working against what is good for you, at the behest of what it perceives as being right for you - in the moment. But not all your senses have been consulted beforehand. It does not always tell you the whole truth and...

Send us Fan Mail You have heard me repeatedly rabbit on with this mantra haven't you? What you do not understand, you have no hope of influencing; no hope of changing or even embark upon the change process - (and change is a process from A to Z). Why? Because the stuff you don't understand, lives in the unconscious. It works away below the "Mission Impossible" infra red light a...

Send us Fan Mail We will say that Sex/Porn/Love Addiction is set up in one of three ways - Opportunity, Attachment issues and/or Trauma. Trauma is not necessarily limited to big events that happen in a war zone. It is also the impact on a seven years old, whose Game Console is taken by a friend and when they knock on the friends door to get it back, a parent slams the door saying "It isn&apos...

Send us Fan Mail We can't change what we cannot see and do not understand. This is me doing life how I do life. What's the problem? There is no problem (to us), if there is no problem. But the truth is, we know some things are not working right in life, but we don't understand why or what. Change has not and cannot even begin.  When we gain greater insight and understanding, then ch...

Send us Fan Mail Managing triggers is just one aspect of the recovery process. Not unique to sex/porn/love addiction; it manifests in many other trauma areas, such as childhood sexual abuse that keeps on keeping on being triggered in adulthood. How did the triggers get set up. Childhood development holds the clues. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) may hold the keys. Really? No way?...

Send us Fan Mail Just like cave men and cave women or different? The cave man instinct to protect us from the mammoths & sabertooth cats is alive and kicking in our 21st Century way of doing life, as it played out back then.  The dangers have changed, but nonetheless, the brain (our cognition) convinces us of a danger that is not real and the body comes to alert repeatedly through the day, rea...

Send us Fan Mail Oh no - not Neuroscience stuff! ....but it isn't that complicated! At least not when you read the material from public friendly neuroscientists like Dr Caroline Leaf. "The Pleasure Principle" - What's that about? Another very clever Neuroscientist (Dr Struthers) has brought together the individual role played by each of those (neurotransmitters/neuropeptides/br...

Send us Fan Mail We do need to pay much attention to those Childhood development stages and how they may have shaped how we go on to do our adult relationships:   "Come close; I want you close; I need you close; I need to own you for myself; you're too close; move away; give me space; this is stifling; i need more from you; you're not the one for me; blowing you up".  Any of th...

Send us Fan Mail Early years fostered, Adopted, Immigrate, parents separation & divorce, verbal, physical, sexual and/or spiritual abuse, Boarding school, premature birth, incubated, mothers post-natal depression, alcoholic, drug use, parent working away a lot, emotionally absent even when they are home - are just some contributing causes for setting up INSECURE ATTACHMENT - which may later ma...

Send us Fan Mail You feel insecure in close relationship with another and so the brain provides strategies to "control" the relationship, but is so unconscious that you deny you are doing any such thing.  Attachment is more accurately Detachment; yet a pining to be close to at least one other. Strange contradiction hey! In your quest for sobriety, don't go for long strides and big l...

Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Core Emotional Needs, such as Approval, Attention, Security, Respect (and more) get depleted over time and as human beings, getting them met, and kept topped up, is not optional. We will consciously, but mostly unconsciously Fight/Flight/Freeze in order to get them met. They desire to be met. You are in dange...

Send us Fan Mail Just like similar poles of a magnet repel each other, so it is that Narcissism and Empathy also repel each other. They cannot co-exist in the same place together - in unity. Either you will have more of one and less of the other being played out or less of the other and more of one! Get it? Here's the deal. One MUST become less and the other become greater. Which one is the g...

Send us Fan Mail Do the Maths. Remove shame and sex addiction breaks down. Remove Narcissism; more accurately, transform Narcissism (over time) into Empathy and sex addiction breaks down. Learn how to make shame visible; walk of the page; become touchable - using The Kairos Centre "Shields" exercise. Many clients initially, find it difficult to identify with and own Narcissism until we b...

Send us Fan Mail Having completed the extensive History Taking (by asking lots of questions over three sessions) to build a profile of our clients from birth to current age, we then give feedback and diagnosis. That includes an hypothesis as to the Role, Function & Purpose which the behaviours serve. It is important not to hide behind the feedback which finds that something happened to you in...