The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Negative Core Beliefs are often hidden from view. Often disguised; but masquerade as truths. They live in the unconscious. Not easily touchable. They work away in the hidden place doing their worst. They are uninvited guests. They have over stayed their invitation; live rent free and are doing damage, which...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Create new thinking to change the behaviour. How? A step at a time, to re-wire the brain. Create new Neural Pathways progressively over time. What is this thing called Neural Pathways? The hamster wheel patterns of behaviours. Those habits. The programming so that when you "feel", you "think&...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre A poem by Portia Nelson, published in her book There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery                                       Verse I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Triggers are a clue to our dissociated Traumas - So says Carolyn Spring in Part 2 of her article on Managing Triggers: https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/we-have-two-choices-when-triggered/ The past events that we want to avoid thinking about or confronting, may be the very things that we need to go after a...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Triggers don't play fair. They are often unpredictable (like a music track which comes on) and moves you from chilled to a fight to maintain sobriety. So underhand. Not a nice play partner. Carolyn Spring talks about the aftermaths of Triggers, from the sense of Shame, Self-blame, failure, powerlessnes...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The cave man/cave woman response of Fight/Flight/Freeze, is alive and well. Don't beat your brain up too badly. It is just doing what it was designed to do to protect you. The options it chooses or gravitates to, are at times, rather dubious and for Sex Addicts. The relief only lasts 5 minutes, but a m...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Let me not re-invent the wheel in this episode. There are some really clever people who say it better than me (even if rather brain hurtingly academical)! Read this Article: The impact of the digital revolution on human brain and behavior: where do we stand? Link: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.318...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre There is a correlation between Sex Addiction and ADHD. When faced with 'danger' on a daily basis (even whilst in the womb!), healthy brain development is derailed and impeded. The area in the brain called the Amygdala (the smoke alarm for danger), increase in volume and becomes over activated. The...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre I like this article by Luke Gilkerson (as long ago as 2012), when he interviewed a Neuroscientist called Dr William Struthers - author of the book " How pornograpghy Hijacks the male brain " Dr Struthers explains what hormones and neurotransmitters are involved in porn addiction. Hope you find thi...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Remember, you cannot change what you cannot see and don't understand. Even when you can better see the problem and understand it, does not mean that you can change it - quickly. Insecure Attachment behaviours is one such pattern, which needs to be understood - to experience your "eureka moment&quo...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Love Addiction is often a response to Insecure Attachment. It looks like it is about sex and chasing sexual outlets, but it isn't really about sex - as the core desire. It is an attempt to gain a sense of 'being wanted', 'being a part of...','accepted', 'owned',...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The Insecure 'ATTACHMENT' label does not describe accurately, what is really in the can with this label on it! It is exactly the opposite. It typically is set up in the early childhood development years. Often, they are experiences which you can't readily or easily access; but your brain reme...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre There are three ways in which we try to get our Core Emotional Needs met. Meeting Core emotional needs is not negotiable. They want to be met and kept filled up at high levels. The reality, however, is that life takes a toll upon us and Core Emotional Needs deplete over time. What are some of those Core Emo...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Narcissism and Empathy (like same poles of a magnet) cannot co-exist together in the same space. They repel each other. Likewise, they cannot co-exist in the same person at equally high levels. Either they will have a high level of Narcissistic traits and a low level of Empathy or vice versa. Work on Empath...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Don't go looking up the term on Google and it spewing out a whole heap of stuff that blinds you and gets your back up! I am not suggesting Sex/Porn/Love Addicts are a Narcissists - Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - is one of the most difficult mental Health diagnosis to treat. It requires a par...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION . Too simplistic? Maybe, but it is a good place to start, if you want to better understand the reason for the activities - as an outlet for Shame & Narcissism. Try hard to come out from under the umbrella of covering that Shame provides - but is unseen. It covers the A...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Shame is set up in childhood. Life is unfair. Yep. The presence of shame is a particularly powerful driver for sexual addiction. Shame means “to hide” and is a hidden companion of Narcissism. SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION Shame is the painful feeling of being unacceptable. It is a feeling of being infe...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Scapegoating can go on for only so long. Then a need to accept responsibility for adult choices. The Kairos Centre do an extensive History Taking to build a profile understanding of the adult, impacted by childhood development issues. The feedback hypothesis can cause your brain (which initially, is not you...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre He “caused” our problems and yet once again the focus and everyone’s attention is on him. The family income is being used by him again for his benefit, on top of the spend he has already enjoyed on his addiction. It’s just not fair. I am left here with his stuff and don’t know where to go or turn for help f...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre If you are in a partnered relationship, re-build integrity with yourself by signing a 'Couples Recovery Plan'. Recovery - in a partnered relationship - is about the partnership, not only about your recovery at all. Your signature on the 'Couples Recovery Plan' can bolster your commitment...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The ability to quickly recognize fearful situations and other emotional signals, may be critical to survival, as it enables us to detect potential threats. The amygdala is believed to play a central role in these processes. The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped structure deep in the brain, located on the m...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre They are called the 4 Elements tools - which I teach my EMDR ("trauma") clients. These self-soothing - much more healthy and positive impacting (but still are hamster wheel/repetitive/habit/neural pathway activities) - become the new "go-to" practices. In other words, instead of defaulti...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre If you understand The Stages of Change , may be you will not be so hard on yourself and be liberated! May be you are not defective, weak, a worse case, a hopeless case or an unfixable case. Stop beating yourself up, since you are facing the same Relapses as those trying to quit smoking, stop binge eating &a...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre I need only a few words to summary this episode. The slippery slope of mis-using Technology, will always cost you more than you had bargained, in many aspects of life. The world of AI, VR, Silicone full size sex dolls (childlike or sex slave like), will take you down at some point. It may not be for 20 year...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre " Sticks & stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me ". That's not true! words do hurt. That means positive words can heal wounds. Hence, the basis for reciting " Pillars " - which are words that are spoken over yourself three times a day, every day. They can re-set...