The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Building new foundations for the couple: Take a look at the Different Relationship Images document attached to this Podcast. I try to bypass language as much as possible. Feelings do not always tell the truth. We can be very English. Very British! Question: " How are you today ". Answer: " I&...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Couples counselling is not necessarily about keeping a couple together at all. All about exploring options. Also to help you both gain insight and understanding about self and how you do life, as an individual.  Whether a Partnership or a marriage, these things are true: “ Marriage is not the coming togethe...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Shaped by circumstances from birth  Picture the new born baby which starts life with innocence and a brain with few impressions. It starts to experience life and living and soon the brain has some impressions and templates being carved out. Good and not so good experiences and impressions. A distorted image...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Highs and lows of the Couples relationship is a given. What impacts you, may not impact a partner and vice versa. Childhood development personality and characteristic sharping experiences, play a significant part in that process. Sex Addicts need to take their shoes off and step into the shoes of a partner...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre We fall in love with 'Differenceness' and 'Sameness'. Over the years, we can become dissatisfied with the unconscious differences of a partner, that is now in the conscious. So we set about trying to change them to be more like us, since those visible and conscious differences are no lon...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Early relationships (often with our parents) has a very powerful impact on the blueprint of partner choice. They are unconsciously looked at as being able to repair those childhood wounds. We often seek a blueprint that “fits” ours. When we meet a potential partner, we have an opportunity to re-Attach to a...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre At the beginning of the couples therapy session, I like to ask a first question - 'How did you guys meet?' Telling the story will reveal the greater truth about where the couple are at in the conflict. Has the loving got snuffed out or is there a glimmer of light that may still be turned up.  Is t...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Client, choose your Therapist carefully. It makes a big difference to outcomes. In 2024 the British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapy (BACP) released an Ethical framework for working with Addictions and also a set of 'Addictions competence framework' for counsellors working with or int...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre When there is conflict in the couples relationship, sex and intimacy becomes the first casualty which fly out the window. It is very difficult (sometimes feels impossible) to physically touch the person with whom you are in conflict. Yet, touch is exactly what you need to do to begin to break down the walls...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Unresolved issues; unprocessed childhood issues, loose canons, unpotted snooker balls - are some of the terms that I use, for the process of work that I do multiple times every day with clients - using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing). Another analogy that I use (but please don't tell m...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Have you heard the Joke about the bride who learned her script for what she had to remember on the wedding day - as: 1) Aisle   2) Altar   3) Hymn What has shaped you to be doing life how you are doing life? So often, it is about those childhood development years and what got set up as templates, to create...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Over 90% of couples that The Kairos Centre counsel, are in conflict because Core Emotional Needs are not being met. Some of those Core Emotional Needs are such things as lack of Security, Respect, Comfort, Affection, Respect. They are not negotiable human needs. They want to be met and we will fight/flight/...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Testosterone in males is at its height in their late teens to early 20's. Women's sex drive does not reach its peak until their late 20's to early 30's. Therefore, a mismatch is going on between the sexes. Aged 15 to 25 years old males have a 4 times higher likelihood of death from vario...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Men's brains are configured very differently when it comes to a response to sex. There are 3 areas to know about - which are over twice the capacity of the female: The Medial Pre-optic Area (MPOA): Is an area of the Hypothalamus that regulates various physiological and behavioural processes. The MPOA i...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Alcohol consumption raises women's testosterone levels. Same for men, but with excess, men's levels start to decrease. Not so for women. Women are not use to the effects of such higher levels of testosterone and so a young woman can become a very different sexual being, because of the effects on h...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre In all your getting, get understanding: Men see female promiscuity as a deal breaker. If a man finds that a woman is not sexually active, he will intuitively feel that she is more likely to be faithful. Sexual integrity and sexual loyalty, is the most valued traits in a women, when a man is considering aski...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The younger the age that a female experiences sexual arousal, the higher the socio-sexual index she is going to have. (Socio-sexual index is the amount of casual/'promiscuity' sex that a person has). The higher the promiscuity at a younger age, the more open the female will be to all sexual things...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Gen A and their siblings, listen up. Hear this bit of neurobiology. At puberty, males Androgen levels explode at puberty and between aged 13 to 15. It is 10 to 30 times higher at puberty, than pre-puberty. In females, Androgen levels (such as Testosterone - and yep males, females also have levels of Testost...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre In this episode, the audio takes you through matters which could be contained in a Relapse prevention card which you keep with you at all times. This narrative will focus upon what might be included in a Personal Relapse Prevention Plan (PRPP): Your identified professional support network - contact email an...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Don't approach your one year (from last 'Acting out) sobriety , as an end to the work. Don't do ' out of sight out of mind '; ' I never want to see that Recovery Programme material again '. Don't do it like that - at the end. ' I can stop reciting my 'Pillar...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre You need to applaud yourself on a job well done - to have got this far - at least one year from last Acting out . Now work towards achieving contentment. Life is a balancing act. On the one hand, you need to keep old habits at bay. Yet, on the other hand, you need to build new meaningful activities, to make...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Relapse Prevention tools are for life. Why? Because the neural Pathway that was opened, created and practised for many years, is dominant, but has the potential to be reactivated in an instant. It is easier to reactivate it and it becoming larger than life, for those with a past addiction, than for those wi...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre When all your Recovery Programme tools, skills and resources are not coming to your aid - have failed you - just R.U.N. There are times when all else fails and R.U.N really is the last option available to you in that moment.  Don't debate with yourself; don't rationalise it; don't question it...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre ' Brain, I'm telling you - you don't fight fair. Underhand. Dirty. I'm trying to do this for us. Are you listening to me? ' I do a strange thing with everyone of my Sex Addiction clients. Multi-talented as I am, I do brain surgery on each one. (Mine is a bit crude and I don't u...

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Undistort your Cognitive Distortions. How? What are Cognitive Distortions? Examples might be:  ' All guys do it', 'At least I am no longer visiting porn sites', 'I'll only be on here for 5 minutes, no longer', 'What I do, is not as bad as...', 'What an horre...