The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions Podcast

This episode is being posted several days after the disaster because, well, Lomas just wasn't very motivated to post it. What is there to say except that the Lions got demolished every which way. Lamar played like his former MVP self, the Ravens averaged something like 87 yards per play, and the rate at which Baltimore scored was almost comical. Anyhow, was this a blip, a bump in the road? Or...

After a brief hiatus to digest all the fucked up shit going down in the Middle East, the boys are back and more Roargasmic than ever! Before podding, Uncle Brother sent an email to Deano and Impossible Lomas, asking the following question: Are the Lions elite, and if so, what kind of elite are they? Now, first, let's recognize that this is the first time in recorded history that the words &quo...

That keening, otherworldly sound you heard Thursday night? The one that echoed across the land, an arresting amalgam of joy, relief, euphoria, insanity, and release after 7000 years of ineptitude ... That, my friends, was the sound of Roar Nation experiencing a collective ROARGASM the likes of which has not been documented since 1957. Holy shit, right? The absolute and total beatdown that transpir...

With the disappointment of a tough loss at home still fresh, Impossible Lomas and Uncle Brother pod it out to hash out their feelings and try to figure out what the hell happened against the Seacocks. Deano? No Deano, who was dutifully observing the 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah. A few takeaways ... The Lions offense is for real. The defense, which has improved from historically the worst ever to just...

ROAR! 🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁 We are, indeed, built for this shit! Holy fucking shit. We won on the road against last year's Super Bowl Champs, on Thursday night, against the best QB in the league. Uncle Brother, Deano, and Impossible Lomas barely hold it together as they attempt to express their feelings about what is easily the best and most significant win in Lions history since the last time they won...

After a long hibernation, the RAA crew is back for season 5 of ... The Roargasm! Yes, the podcast has a new name for a brand new era of Detroit Lions Football! Uncle Brother Ted kicks things off on the right note with a sultry intro, followed by a brand new, bright and shiny piece of liturgy, intoned by the ever-roargasmic Deano Blandino ... In turn followed by Impossible Lomas reading from a newl...

RAA is truly at a crossroads, folks. Never have we podded so long and so hard, and never have we ended the season on such a note of optimism and high hopes. We begin this radical episode by dispensing with the Serenity Prayer altogether, and instead recite a Psalm of Jared and listen with rapt attention as Uncle Brother Ted recites from a recently revealed chapter of the Book of Jared. We then pro...

We came. We saw. We kicked Da Bears ass! And by "we," I mean both the Lions and the RAA crew, plus fellow roaraholics WorldWide Dock and Big Don. That's right, friends ... we journeyed to the inner sanctum known as Ford Field and not only lived to tell the tale but roared ourselves silly as we witnessed the Lions absolutely stomp the shit out of the Bears. Huge thanks to Big Don for footing the bi...

In the aftermath of the Lions deflating loss to the Panthers, we attempt to return to RAA core principles, beginning with an extra-long serenity prayer. But the question remains: were the Roar simply overdue for a ball-sucking game amidst a run of really good football? Or were we once again sucked in by a handful of wins, only to be donkey kicked in the teeth by the cold reality that The Lions Wil...

We're all in, folks. All the fucking way in!  In this unprecedented 10th episode (we usually bottom out around episode 6, when it's clear that the Lions will be sucking donkey balls for the rest of the season), we open with a new addition to the liturgy, immediately followed by a Hillel vs. Shammai-level theological debate over the merits of the new prayer. Lomas reads from the recently disco...

In the glorious aftermath of the Lions home win over the 10-2 (now 10-3!) Vikings, the crew revels in victory, despite years of intensive RAA therapy forbidding such enthusiasm. But you now what? Fuck that! The Lions have won 5 out of their last six! ROAR! Deano makes us all extremely proud by attending the game solo, wearing Lions pajama pants, no less, and sitting next to two extremely drunk dud...

The Lions absolute thumping of the Jags pulls us back into the studio, where we contemplate what the fuck is going on. Does the Roar's ability to beat bad teams and (sometimes) hang with good ones bode well for the future? Or does everything we know about this franchise and four years of intensive RAA therapy lead us back to our North Star: namely, that the Lions Will Always Suck?  That fact...

The Lions less than putrid performance against the mighty Bills draws us back to the recording studio, somewhat against our will, to ponder the meaning of it all. And ponder we do, albeit to no great effect. Does the fact that the Roar hung with the Bills and were actually ahead in the 4th quarter mean anything? Does it bode well for the future? If the Rams continue their putrid play and the Lions...

We're back, mostly against our will. Wallbrook is bursting at the seams, as Roaraholics across the land teeter on the brink of total disaster. In the wake of the Lions' three-game winning streak, we ponder the implications for the franchise, for the playoff picture, and for our sanity. Apparently, when health, the Roar have returned to their high-scoring ways, putting up 31 against a Giants team w...

Deano, Lomas, and Uncle Brother Ted conduct a memorial service for the Lions' 2022-2023 season, which really ended two weeks ago, when the Roar were shut out by the Pats, and was finally put to rest last night, when the Lions' formerly unstoppable offense was kneecapped by the Cowboys. We spend as little time as possible talking about the actual games, because, well, y'know ... What is there to sa...

Welp. Deano, Lomas, and Uncle Brother Ted can't help but marvel at the magnificence of the Lion's 48-45 home loss to the Seahawks. Just when you thought the Roar had truly embodied every possible form of losing and sucking, they find a way to keep losing and sucking in new and inspired ways. Let's just say that the loss was not boring, insofar as the disparity in talent and productivity between th...

Uncle Brother Ted returns from a 3-hour journey into the woodlands to join the pod, with zero knowledge of what transpired in Minnesota. Deano and Lomas regal Ted with tales of the Lions 14-0 first half lead, how they went 3-3 on 4th down conversions, how they had the ball with 3:30 left in the game and a 3-point lead ... and of course still lost. Wallbrook will have to wait at least a few more we...

In the aftermath of the Lions win over the Washington Conquistadors, Uncle Brother Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas are perplexed as to how to proceed. Well, not so much Blandino, who has the Wallbrook staff on high alert as they prepare his room and favorite snacks. We indulge in a review of the Lions' seemingly potent offense. Lomas lavishes praise on the O-line, as is his wont. Aidan H...

Impossible Lomas Productions is off to a very Lions-like start to the season, having posted our preseason episode after the regular season has already started. But ... Whatevs. Deano Blandino, Uncle Brother Ted, and Impossible Lomas reunite to kick off Season 4 of Roaraholics Anonymous. We do so not with a sense of joy and anticipation of good things to come, of course. Nay, we do so out of inerti...

John Matthew Stafford is a Super Bowl champion.  In case reading the above sentence made your brain explode right through your skull, pick up the pieces, reassemble, and read it again: MATT STAFFORD IS A FUCKING SUPERBOWL CHAMPION! The stars and planets aligned, the football gods smiled, Cooper Kupp hauled in the winning TD, and now ... Matty $taff has won the Super Bowl. In his first shot at...

What? A February episode of RAA? That's right bitches! Thanks to the mighty hand and outstretched rocket  right arm of our savior, John Matthew Stafford, we have survived to pod another day, well into the stretch of time and space known as Super Bowl Week. In this unprecedented episode we celebrate the Lazarus-like resurrection and redemption of Matty Staff, who has emerged from the Lions was...

Well, ladies and gents (exclusively gents, actually), once again the RAA crew has run into a wall of Lions sucktitude and decided that this will be the final episode of this sorry, sorry season. After our requisite 9-week mental health break, we reconvene and recap what's been going on during our long period of silence. Deano Blandino has leaned fully into bowling, getting high on the sweet smell...

The general tone of this episode is gobsmackedness ... Insofar as Impossible Lomas, Uncle Ted, and Deano Blandino are utterly gobsmacked that the Roar pulled off a first quarter onside kick and not one but two (2!) fake punts, and of course still lost ... We spend a lot of time pondering what other sorts of trick plays the Lions can pull out from the trunk of their collective clown car (many of th...

In this heartfelt episode, Deano once again bares his soul and, in the tone of a man whose spirit has been good and fully crushed, wonders aloud why the Lord has afflicted with Roaraholicism ... Impossible Lomas makes a triumphant, be-robed comeback as Lomas, who catches ya'll up on how he's been dealing with Covid and tells tales from yesteryear about what it was like to be on really shit Lions t...

The Roar lose on yet another last second, 50+ yard field goal, for the second week in a row, becoming the only team to undergo such humiliation and gut punch madness. We are ... nonplussed? After literally a lifetime of Lions sucktitude, it's hard to get too worked up about one more loss, no matter how bizarre.  Deano admires Coach Campbell's manly tears during the post-game presser and his a...