The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions Podcast

Well, here it is: this season's final episode, posted way late, but who gives a fuck? Yes, the Roar beat the Care Bears in the season's final game--a game we didn't even bother to pod about--but we can all agree that this year was a major letdown. Apparently, losing an All Pro center and another vet o-lineman, replaced by 2nd stringers and inexperienced rooks ... losing both coordinato...

We're back, bitches! Once again without Deano (still in eretz Yisroel), Uncle Brother and Lomas hold forth. UB opens with a delightful Roar parody song to the tune of Feelin' Groovy by, who else, Simon and Roarfunkle! Lomas recounts watching the game with Little Stevie Mendelson at a Roaraholics bar in Ferndale. Highly recommended! We both admit that, given this topsy turvy season, we appa...

Another Thanksgiving day loss. To the fucking Pecklers. At home. The season seems kinda lost, doesn't it? That's what Uncle Brother and Lomas discuss, minus Deano, who's in the Holy Land with Lady Deano, aka Stargazer. What can we say? Jared was nearly flawless. Jamo had a huge game. The running game was OK. Yet the poor People Mover is still operating at around 63%, severely limiting...

What can we say? Deano and Lomas pod together from the D suburbs. Uncle Bruv watched only the last moments of the game plus overtime. And we agree that while a win is always good, the Roar look to be in serious trouble on both sides of the ball. Sun God continues to drop passes. Jared is very shakey under pressure The People Mover is not what it once was. The D line got very little pressure (altho...

The Roargasm crew is back in full force to mourn the Lion's pathetic showing against the Sheaguls. Was this just one of those games on the road against the best D in the league? Or did it expose the Roar as a very good but not great team that can't really compete against elite defenses? The Sheaguls D did not sleep on Jared. Instead, they pressured him all game and knocked him around, resu...

I, Impossible Lomas, was not present for the recording of this episode, and I haven't listened to it yet, so I have no idea what kind of nonsense Uncle Brother and Deano got into. But rest assured it's silly and dead serious; absurd and insightful; probably involves at least one song parody and several bizarre tangents. And I assume there's at least some discussion of the Lions vengefu...

The Roar got outplayed, out-coached, and out-muscled, at home, by a team with a rookie QB. Are we flashing back to 2014? No, unfortunately. We're talking about right now. A few silver linings in what was otherwise a dark and dreary game and pod: --Arnold played his best game, with an interception and end-zone pass deflection --Only 93% of the oline is injured. The remaining 7% is ready to go!...

Ever heard of Erick Hallett? Arthur Maulet? Tyrus fucking Wheat? Neither have we. Neither has anyone! And yet these unheralded, 5th, 6th, and 7th string guys stepped up and balled out, anchoring a Roar defense that held the Phuckaneers to a measly 9 points. Never mind that the Phucks were missing most of their offensive playmakers. Don't matter! Our D roared out and shut their assess down. Mea...

No roaring today, friends. For we have been laid low by a resurgent Queefs squad, whose demise was exaggerated. Mahomes was Mahomes. Bro can play QB. Our fucked up secondary, featuring guys we have never seen before, had no chance. The Roar offense got off to a strong start but then bogged down. Sun God dropped a pass! I repeat, Sun God dropped a pass. We couldn't believe it. HE couldn't b...

This delightful episode begins with Uncle Brother and Deano mercilessly ripping into Lomas for being 30 minutes late to start the recording. Never mind that Lomas was on a call with a very important client! Never you mind what about. Lomas has a business to run! Anyhow, once we get past that nonsense, we celebrate the taking of Ohio! Between the Tigers vanquishing the Guardians (lame-ass name) and...

The most interesting thing about this mostly pedestrian win was Lomas once again predicting almost the exact score! The Browns D is as good as advertised, and Myles Garett is a beast. But no matter. The Lions did what they had to do to move the ball and shut down the Brown's offense without too much trouble. And so we meander through this episode. Not too much to say. Good to see Hutch roundin...

Due to Rosh Hashanah (the least partying New Year of all New Years), we're a bit late to the game with this episode ... But holy roaring! What an incredible victory! Most of this episode is a blur, but we (of course) revel in the Roar's glorious road win against a really good Cravens team. What we beheld (even Deano, who got a special dispensation from Hashem to watch the game) was roarect...

The Roar has been restored! All it took was a 50+ ass whipping of the hapless Care Bears, who are in serious trouble if yet another QB ends up sucking you know what. Donkey balls. Just in case you didn't know. Deano regales us with delightful anecdotes and portraits from Ford Field, where he, World Wide Dock, and Big Don roared through the game in person. It was delightful indeed to see the of...

In this shockingly short episode (less than an hour!) we grudgingly attempt to suss out what the fuck happened in Green Bay. We open with a much needed return to the Serenity Prayer, followed by a sad, depressing, hapless and hopeless breakdown of the debacle that was the Roar's season opener. The all-important o-line is a work in progress, to say the least. Sonic set a record by catching 10 p...

Welcome to the 7th (!) season of The Roargasm! In this pre-season episode we go completely off the rails. Lomas gives Deano and Uncle Brother permission to kill him if, in old age, he shows signs of dementia. Which gives rise to a discussion of ways to commit suicide appropriate for roaraholics. We work through Uncle Brother's annual pre-season speed round, discussing everything from the Roar&...

As you might notice, I couldn't bring myself to include the score in this episode's title. If you're reading this, you know what happened. No need to agitate the wound. We open the final episode of a once-glorious season with "The Wreck of Ford Field," sung to the tune of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," setting the tone for the sad discussion to follow. There...

Yes, it's a bye week, but The Roargasm never rests! We gather the Supreme Roar Council to review the wildcard games and look ahead to destroying the Cockmanders/Cuckmanderes/Commodore 64s this Saturday eve. We reckon that at home, against a rookie QB, with as many of our guys as possible back from injury, and with the coaching brain trust given a full two weeks to cook up something special, the Ro...

ROARRRRR! WE ARE KING IN THE NORTH! This jubilant and chaotic episode has it all: The one and only Fantetti beaming in from the Northwest Deano joining from the holy city of Jerusalem! And a full 2 hours of roarection-induced mania in the wake of the Lion's masterful and beguiling dismantling of the Viqueens to capture the NFC North title. We spend a lot of time marveling at the resurgent D, which...

With Deano in the Holy Land, we are graced by the presence of Air Low AND the newly dubbed Hairestotle, aka Lil Air, whose flowing locks are indeed a sight to behold. We begin with a newly revealed chapter of The Book of Jared, which came to Uncle Brother in a dream. Air and Hair regale us with tales of their journey to Levi Stadium, a wicked place where the Roar had not won in many a season. They...

Ben Johnson is a goddman wizard. Chaotic neutral. His powers of creative deception are off the charts. In fact, there is no chart when it comes to this man's bag of tricks. We spend a good chunk of this pod marveling at the "stumble bumble" trick play, or whatever the hell it's called, just gobsmacked at the audacity of BJ, Jared, and Sonic to make it look like a fumble (or something) to throw the...

What can we say? The Roargasm crew gets together in person, at Roar Manor (also known as Wallbrook West) in South Haven, MI, only to watch as Marvel Supervillain Josh Allen had his way with our 18th-string D, doing pretty much whatever the fuck he wanted. A 5-TD, 0-INT, nearly 500-yard game from Jared wasn't enough--the first time that's happened in the history of the damn league. And just to rub...

Banged up defense? No problem. Surging Pecklers squad out for revenge? No biggee. Going for it on 4th down when already in field goal range? Of course. And of course we got it, bled the clock, and won the game leaving zero time for the fucking Pecklers to mount a comeback. Lomas and Uncle Brother record Part 1 of the pod during halftime, when it seemed that the Roar was in total control. Lomas and...

We are thankful for: --A rare Thanksgiving win --The Care Bears sucking massive turkey balls at the end of the game --The o-line and the Sonic/Knuckles ground attack, which remains unstoppable --DC, BH, BJ and the entire coaching staff --Penei for refusing to be tackled by the entire Care Bear's defense --Billy Sims and his 45+ BBQ joint locations --The Roar being 11-1 for the first time in Roar h...

In this episode: --Lomas recounts wading into enemy territory, into the fetid bowls of the hellhole known as Lucas Oil Stadium, to support the Roar from way up in the fucking nosebleeds. Among hundreds, maybe thousands, of fellow Roaraholics! --We spend a little time on what was, as Deano put it, a ho-hum 18-point road win. Nothing flashy. No trick plays or record-setting performances. Just the Pe...

In this episode ... I mean, what's there left to say? The Roar did what they were supposed to do: beat the absolute shit out of one of the worst teams in the league. Jared returned to his MVP-level ways, pitching a pretty much perfect game. The People Mover moved people. Knuckles and Sonic did their thing. Sun God shined forth. Jamo was Jamo. Branch laid wood. Za'Darius got .5 of a sack! We most l...