The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions Podcast

And with two 50+ yard field goals, Master Jake Bates has kicked himself into the Lions Kicking Circle of Fame, joining Eddy Murray and Jason Hanson (and probably also Matt Tater) as part of the proud lineage of superlative roaring kickers. Seriously, Master Bates was incredibly clutch, painting the upright on a 52-yard game-winning boot. This was easily the Roar's toughest win. Jared threw 5(!) pi...

On the road at Lambeau. In the pouring rain. Against a really good (or so we thought) Pecklers squad with a hotshot QB and sturdy Oline. Without our best defender for most of the game. And guess what? It didn't fucking matter. The Roar did their thing, the Pecklers folded, and we're along atop the division at 7-1. ROAR! In this diabolical episode, we celebrate what's become routine for the Lions:...

Cue the sitar music and backwards guitars solo. This game was a weird, glorious, pyschedelic experience. Jared had around 80 yard passing. The Titans rolled up 416 yards of offense and ran 71 plays to the Roar's 47. Final score? Lions 52, Titans 14 of course! What the fuck? We marvel at the statistical oddities of this strange game. Jared continues to ball out, going 12/15 for 85 yards and 3 TDs,...

Man, are we in a good mood! The Roar roared a mighty roar and were simply the better team against the Viqueens. Who, to be fair, also played well. The Queens are good! But we're fucking better! For the first time ever in our roaraholic lifetimes, we can claim with absolute confidence that the Lions are better than most teams we play. Mindblowing. We just can't say enough in this episode about how...

Let's start with the bitter. An otherwise smashing victory was marred by Hutch breaking his fucking leg while sacking Dak. That was horrible and a devastating loss. We wish him a speedy recovery and a full return to destroying opposing QBs. Now for the sweet! The Roar put on an offensive display for the ages, absolutely stomping the Cockboys on their own field. Where to begin? Perhaps with the dou...

ROAR! In this episode we celebrate the Lion's long-awaited offensive explosion. We begin with a reading from a newly deciphered chapter of The Book of Jared. We honor David Monty's incredible 40 yard scamper. We marvel at Sun God's "Philly Special" TD toss to Jared. We speak in awed terms of Jamo taking a simple crossing route pass and turning it into an epic TD. And of course we fall to our knees...

The Roargasm crew breaks down the Lions impressive road win over the Fartinals. First, Deano improvises a new tune, called "Lady Lomas," that has a lot of potential. Back to the game ... The good: The Lions win on the road against a squad that won big the week before. The Roar defense was great overall. The Lions offense finally clicked during the first half, looking like the high flying...

It truly sucks when your team loses a game they coulda/shoulda won, even though they kinda sucked mid-sized donkey balls, doesn't it? The Roargasm crew is appropriately subdued after a disappointing loss at home to the Fucaneers, who were missing approximately 98% of their starters in the secondary. We're mostly concerned that the offense hasn't really clicked yet. Has anyone seen Sam...

Welp, game 1 is in the books, and thanks to the ghost of Bobby Layne it's a W for the Roar. In this episode: --We share our game watching experiences --Uncle Brother shares a bed with a fellow roaraholic --Deano, having survived the Ford Field frenzy, looks like crap and is barely conscious --We marvel at how cool it is to have a smash mouth running attack, especially late in games --We also m...

Hola, Roar Nation! The Roargasm is back, with a preseason episode that will blow your hair back and give you a roarection the size and duration of which will alarm you. We review our responses to the annual preseason questionnaire (courtesy of Uncle Brother) to predict the Lion's fortunes. And guess what? We're (mostly) all in on the Lions going all the way! Seriously. We know, as lifelong...

What's this? An offseason pod? Hell yeah! Deano, Uncle B, and Lomas are in peak offseason form for this low-energy episode. All we can really say is that Brad Holmes and DC have our unmitigated trust that they're making the right moves to shore up the D, stabilize the O line after the departure of Jonah Jackson, and generally keep things humming. Query: Is next season Super Bowl or bust? W...

Where to begin? With a newly revealed chapter of The Book of Jared, of course. Lomas was AT THE GAME and lived to tell the tale. Brad Johnson is coming back for another run at a chip! Anyway, there are basically two ways to look at what happened: 1) The Lions had the game in hand and blew it, squandering a chance to go to the GODDAMN SUPER BOWL!; 2) The Lions are still a year or so away and needed...

Ho hum. The Detroit Lions won another playoff game, at home against the Fuccaneers. No big deal, nothing to see here. EXCEPT THAT THE LIONS ARE PLAYING IN THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP! We were the better team. We were at home. We were favored. And so of course we SHOULD have won. But damn, after 30 solid years of ineptitude and dashed dreams, it was hard to harbor too much hope. And yet here we are. On to...

It only took 30 years ... 3 solid decades of broken hopes and dreams ... multiple generations of roaraholics passing on the disease from father to son ... But, as God is our witness ... THE DETROIT LIONS WON A GODDAMN PLAYOFF GAME! Air-Low and Deano (all the way from the Holy Land!) phone in to help us process this historic moment. The game was about as good as it gets. Both teams balling out, doi...

Yes, Lomas and Uncle Brother kept recording throughout the entire game. This one's for the truly hopeless roaraholics. Meaning anyone listening to this podcast. So, dive in, guys! See you on the other, glorious side!

Uncle Brother and Lomas make the pilgrimage to South Haven to witness the most important Lions game in 30 years. We do all we can to keep our shit together as game time approaches.

Recorded on a tropical Island, this infamous lost episode is finally unearthed and published! To recap, Lomas and Deano were in the British Virgin Islands for a Wallbrook-mandated Roar detox program. Which did not work, since we watched the Roar once again get jobbed in Dallas by the Cockboys and the worst reffing crew in the NFL. While Deano was away snorkeling, Lomas recorded from the beach with...

That's right! Lambs! That's what we think of the pretty boys from LA coming into OUR HOUSE in the D! Lomas has returned from the tropics, but Deano has once again set off, this time to Israel, to score some contraband Ejaculions. So, it's just Lomas and Uncle Brother this time. Until, that is, the bold entrance of none other than Air-Low! Like a wrestler storming the ring back in the d...

Welp, it only took 30 years, but the Roar are once again Kings in the North! Long live the King! The Roargasm crew celebrates the Roar marching into Minnesota and taking down the Cockrings. Yes, our donkey ball sucking D gave up big yards to their 12th string QB, but we also picked him off 4 times. That dude is an all-time chucker, as likely to throw a Kenny Wobbler as he is to thread a 30-yard st...

This very special episode features a very special guest: the one and only Fantetti, he of the scalding hot takes and world-weary cynicism. Uncle Brother opens with a 100% factually accurate biography of Fantetti and how he came to spew a non-stop torrent of anti-Lions (and anti-Pistons) vitriol. But even Fantetti joins in as we celebrate the Lions beatdown of the Donkeys (our name for the Broncos-...

We open with a return to the traditional serenity prayer, followed by a fiery sermon from Deano, chastising Roar Nation for having been seduced by false football god and having the vanity to believe that the Roar had truly been restored. We ponder the mystery of the Lions current swoon. Is it the O Line? Is it Jared? Have other teams figured out a way to stymie our formerly fearsome offense? Other...

In the aftermath of the Roar's split personality road win against the Taints, we huddle to determine what this strange game portents for the rest of the season. Any win on the road is as good win, but damn if our shitty D didn't make David Carr look like Pat Mahomes, slinging it. The play of the game was our man Bruce Irvin driving Carr into the dirt and knocking him out of the game. In ca...

The Roargasm crew sift through the wreckage of the Lion's Thanksgiving loss to the Slackers. Those cheesehead fuckers are clearly better than when we beat their ass earlier in the season. But our O-line looked alarmingly shaky and our defense sucked the most donkey balls it's sucked in a while. Deano even suggests that it might be time to start sleeping on Jared a little bit. We have no sp...

With Uncle Brother living it up in Europe, Lomas, Deano, and super special guest Big Don Feldman marvel at the Roar's absurd comeback against the Bears. After dining at the donkey ball buffet for most of the game, Jared and the offense rode the silver Lion all the way to an instant-classic come from behind victory. Hutch put the cherry on top with a strip sack safety, after which he punted the...

First, we're super-excited about the addition of Donovan Peoples-Jones to to the Roar family. Not necessarily because he's such an amazing player--although maybe he is ... we have no idea!--but really because the name "Donovan Peoples-Jones" is next level. We simply love it and can't get enough, and are already well along the path toward composing and recording a song in DPJ&...