The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions Podcast

The RAA crew--Uncle Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas--don't spend much time breaking down the Lions expected loss to the nearly as horrible Bears because, really, what's there to say? The Lions suck donkey balls of the exact shape, size, texture, and most likely taste that we all predicted during the pre-season. Instead, Uncle T regales us with the tale of watching the game with his broth...

Uncle Ted, Deano, and Impossible Lomas once again meld their minds to deliver to you, our devoted listener, another penetrating, scintillating, and enervating episode of RAA. We debate the proper level of Rams/Matty Staff fandom ... We marvel at how Dan Campbell and the Lions coaching staff seem to have this JV-level squad playing hard and actually trying, as demonstrated by their almost win again...

In this riveting episode of RAA ... Impossible Lomas, Uncle Ted, and Deano Blandino review the Lion's desultory and entirely predictable loss to the Packers on the road, remarking on how thrilled the Pack must have been to welcome the Roar to town after getting bitch slapped last week by the Saints ... We duly give props to Jared Goff, who only sometimes sucks donkey balls, and to the Lion's run g...

Opening the show with a bold, nay, STUNNING gambit, Uncle Ted reveals an astonishing rebrand of RAA: Rams Are Awesome! Blindly following Ted's lead, we revel in Matty Staff's auspicious debut in a Ram's uni (dude bro posted the best QB rating of his damn career!). On the flip side, we reluctantly submerge our collective self back into the muck and shit of Roardom ... We marvel at the televised sid...

The RAA crew--Deano Blandino, Uncle Ted, and Impossible Lomas--are back for Season 3! Deano tells the sordid tale of being emasculated by a bowling pro shop proprietor, signing up for bowling lessons, and unlearning everything he thought he knew about rolling. Uncle Ted ships out his daughter to European parts unknown. Impossible L is just trying to keep his shit together as we begin the long dive...

Just when we thought we were out ... they drag us back in! For once, the Lions Football Club does something unpredictable and arguably smart, namely moving on from the Matt Stafford era. The only way to respond to such epic news was to host an epic RAA struggle session. And by jove, we deliver. Uncle Ted, Deano, and Impossible Lomas react to new Lions coach Dan Campbell's macho press conference. W...

The RAA crew grudgingly reconvenes for one last pod to eulogize another season that, much like a crippled and ailing dog, desperately needed to be put down and put out of its misery. Should the Roar move on from Matt Stafford, the best Lion's QB of the past 50+ years (and maybe ever)? Will whomever the new coach and GM turn out to be make much of a difference? Will the "braintrust" somehow find a...

One of the few things that could have brought the RAA crew out of retirement actually happened ... the long-awaited sacking of Matt Patricia and Bob Quinn! And yet, we fail to muster much glee. The general tone of this episode is best described as glum and resigned. We do experience a few moments of levity. The news that Amazon is apparently interested in building offices on the site of the former...

This dark and dreary episode gets off to an appropriately inept start when Deano--who had one goddamn job!--sends the Zoom link 55 minutes late. By the time the crew finally logs on, Uncle Ted is extra irritated, Deano is extra clueless, and Impossible L is only half paying attention. Uncle Ted shares the depressing tale of watching the game alone on a billboard-sized TV in his in-law's basement....

We officially add Matt Fantetti's prayer to the liturgy ... In the aftermath of a wild, stupid, and utterly predictable last-second comeback win against the Falcons, the RAA crew is forced to actually talk about the game ... Uncle Ted decrees a "no watching YouTube videos during the podcast" rule ... Impossible Lomas describes the experience of listening to Possible Lomas call the game on WJR ......

The crew is so excited to welcome special guest Matt "Fatnose" Hoff that we forget to say the Serenity Prayer ... Matt demonstrates a still-impressive knowledge of college football mascots ... Impossible Lomas forces the guys to watch replays of the Roar getting jobbed by the refs near the end of the 2014 playoff loss to Dallas, as well as grainy footage from the Lion's deep past ... We actually d...

Deano comes crashing back to earth after the Lions latest loss ... Impossible Lomas gloats just a little for having nearly perfectly predicted the score (IL predicted Saints 35 - Roar 27; Actual score Saints 35 - Roar 29). Uncle Ted provides a news update on Deano's whereabouts ... Deano regales us with the gory details of his post-loss journey to the bottom ... We contemplate the artistry of losi...

Deano is officially off the wagon, folks ... In the wake of the Lion's improbable victory against the Cardinals, Deano goes full Blandino, hootin' and hollerin' about the glorious resurgence of the Honolulu Blue and Silver brigade. Uncle Ted and, especially, Impossible Lomas are genuinely concerned about Deano's mental state and more generally about the larger implication's of the Roar's first win...

Deano Blandino, Uncle Ted, and Jer, from now on known as "Impossible Lomas", find comfort in knowing that the season is essentially over. Ted proves as much with a chart showing that teams that lose their first two games have only an 11% change of making the playoffs. The guys don't discuss the game much, largely because nobody watched that sad excuse for a professional football contest. The crew...

Where to begin? Uncle Ted deliberately (and without much arm twisting) not only does not watch or listen to the game but begins recording without any knowledge of  the horror the unspooled at Ford Field. Lucky bastard.  Ted "interviews" Jer (who listened) and Deano (who watched) about what went down ... Jer and Deano do their best to recount the briefly inspiring ups of quarters 1-3 and...

We're back, ya'll! Season 2 of Roar-Aholics Anonymous ... with Dan "Deano" Shere, Uncle Ted Lowy, and Jeremy "Baghead" Shere, all of us struggling to stay on that rickety wagon, knowing full well that as soon as the 2020 version of the Roar take the field, we're falling off.  In this episode we get a surprise visit from one of Deano's students (yes, Deano has been entrusted by the vaunted Uni...

Our final episode of a truly stupid and shitty season. True to form, we struggle mightily to simply begin recording, causing Ted to sweat through his shirt and sell his eldest daughter into sex slavery. Deano takes a piss (literally) while recording. Ted plays with his cat. We also look back over a season that began with a disheartening tie, then seemed to maybe kinda sorta be trending in the righ...

So, because there wasn't much Lions stuff to talk about (they lost to the goddamn Redskins), we pretty much just wing it. We dive deep into the Simon and Garfunkel discography. Ted delivers a stunning version of "America" with lyrics repurposed to channel the Lions' putrid legacy. Ted also accuses Brother Jer of "cheating" for dipping into Paul Simon's solo work.  The dispute remains unsettle...

Well, the season is pretty much over. So, what's the point of doing this podcast? Whatever. In this episode, we pretty much don't talk about the Lion's loss to the Bears, because, well, you know. Lomas makes a tentative reappearance on the pod, only to get punked once again by Deano. Lomas has vowed revenge, but he's probably too nice of a dude to follow through. We wonder what it would be like if...

The pod welcomes a new contributor: representing the West Coast, Bay Area, it's Todd's brother, Adam. Welcome, Air Low. You're just in time to join the podcast as our thoughts turn dark and we begin to turn on each other. Things get a bit heated as the guys turn on poor, kind-hearted and ever-positive Lomas. Lomas and Deano have pod beef, which could get physical if Deano doesn't watch his mouth....

Yes, we are the Detroit Lions of podcasting. We keep running into technical difficulties, making it harder to edit the episode, in turn making it more difficult to publish episodes in a timely manner. If it sounds like I'm (Jeremy) bitching and moaning like a little baby, well, that's because I am. I am a little bitty baby who wants his bottle and his mommy. Anyhow, in this episode, Brother Dan de...

The Lions got beat by a better team on a winning streak. Kirk Cousins has the highest QB rating (can't remember which rating exactly) among all NFL QBs. He's legitimately playing at a high level. And while Matt Stafford had another really good game, it just wasn't enough. And the Vikings ran the ball all over the Lions. As we discuss, it's one thing to lose. It's another thing to get beat in your...

Yes, we're aware we're  posting this episode a little late in the day. But Jewish holidays got in the way again. Anyhow, in this super long episode we try to wrap our collective minds around what happened this past Monday night. Are the Lions cursed? Are the refs out to get them? Maybe both of those things are true. We get way down in the weeds. Also, Jeremy debuts his Lomas Brown imitation a...

It's a bye week, ya'll! In this episode we discuss the pros and cons of the bye week for Roaraholics. Todd takes use down a statistical rabbit hole, and brother Dan digs up some old emails from the John "Jesus" Kitna era. We decline to make any predictions concerning the disaster that is sure to unfold Monday night against the Packers. God help us all.

Are the Lions sorta, kinda, just maybe ... not a total dumpster fire? Is it even remotely possible that the Lions are ... good? After all, they more than held their own against the mighty Chiefs. Stafford had his third strong game in a row and matched Mahomes drive for drive. If not for that weird, fluky fumble return ... Stop. Just stop. Please. Stop! Enough of this. Time to grow up. Last year th...