The Rising Beyond Podcast

There is a misconception that the abuse ends after you leave a domestic violence relationship.  Unfortunately, this is not the case, especially when you share children with them.  Your life will be affected in ways you may not have realized until you face a specific situation.   One of the issues that comes up for separated families is not knowing how to manage the holiday season as a separated fa...

How often have you wondered if your narcissistic partner can change?  In this episode, you will gain some insight and perspective to relieve this confusion, doubt, and other difficult feelings when your abusive ex-partner seems to have an amazing and healthy new relationship. You find out through Facebook stalking or when your ex-partner shows up to grab the kids for their parenting time and they...

After experiencing domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, women typically feel completely beat down, broken and scared.  The idea of empowerment may not even seem possible.  And, my guest, Jaime Hobbs has worked with countless victims of domestic violence and other violence and has seen women become more confident and empowered in a single day. Jaime shares her experience with us as a self-defen...

As you heal from domestic violence or narcissistic abuse it is common to start reevaluating the relationships in your life.  You may start to notice that there are others in your world that are abusive to you in different ways which may cause a lot of hurt and anger. In this episode you will get some ideas on how to assess your current relationships and how they either positively or negatively aff...

It can be extremely difficult to set boundaries after you have experienced domestic violence or narcissistic abuse.  Your partner crossed every boundary you have ever tried to set and conditioned you to give up your boundaries with them altogether.   And, boundaries are an important part of the healing process from relationship abuse and can help prevent you from being taken advantage of in the fu...

Bringing home a new baby is hard and can cause a strain on your relationship with your partner.  But is the strain and conflict normal in your relationship or is it abusive? If there is domestic violence or narcissistic abuse in your relationship, you will not only experience the “normal hard” of bringing a baby into your family, you will likely experience a significant increase in abuse and lack...

Shame is the bread and butter of a narcissistic and abusive partner.  It prevents you from leaving the relationship by decreasing your self-worth and maintaining the secrecy of the abuse. Our lizard brains are constantly looking out for signs of danger vs safety and will have us behave in ways to maintain as much safety in any given situation, even if it doesn’t feel congruent with your value syst...

One of the least talked about forms of abuse is spiritual abuse.  Spiritual abuse is when one person attempts to exert power and control over another person using religion, faith , or beliefs and can be an element of domestic violence, child abuse or elder abuse.   Danielle and I discuss the systemic nature of spiritual abuse and how it continues within different organizations and allows abusive p...

Something needs to change in your relationship because you can’t go on living like this.  So, you decide to try couples therapy. Unfortunately, this may be the worst thing that you could do if you are experiencing domestic violence or narcissistic abuse.   In this episode, you will learn why couples therapy is contraindicated if you are in an abusive relationship.   The lack of training around dom...

Would you call yourself a people pleaser? This fourth trauma response, fawning, is extremely common for victims and survivors of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse as a way to stay safer in these relationships. This trauma response is when you abandon your own needs and sense of self to avoid conflict, criticism, and abuse; over time, you lose your sense of self altogether. Where does is resp...

Why does it hurt so much when you are healing from domestic violence and narcissistic abuse?   Because you are grieving a relationship and a person that was not real.  It was all a scam!  And that is extremely hurtful and there is a lot of shame that goes along with it. In this episode, we are talking with Cathy Wilson, LPC about how abusive relationships and common scams and healing from them is...

Are you always on edge?  Constantly looking over your shoulder? Abusive relationships condition our brains to always be on the lookout for danger, keeping our cortisol levels high and exhausting our nervous systems. In this episode, we will look at the basics of our nervous system and how it has been affected by domestic violence and narcissistic abuse.  Using polyvagal theory, you will learn ways...

Do you still have to have communication with your narcissistic ex?   It’s likely that if you have children with your abusive ex, you will have to have some form of communication with them until your youngest child is 18 years old or even longer.  And if you are dealing with litigation as a form of post-separation abuse, it is really important that you figure out how best to communicate with your e...

In this episode, Alana shares her story of living in narcissistic abuse including the post-separation abuse she is still experiencing today through legal and financial abuse.  We discuss things she would have done differently if she knew what she knows now, including leaving earlier, sharing her experiences with others, not going to couples counseling with her abuser, finding a therapist with spec...

Do you feel this extreme pressure to forgive your ex?   Do you have people tell you that once you forgive them you will finally be able to heal? How do you forgive someone who continues to abuse you every day and blames you for it? What if I told you that it is not clinically required to forgive your abusive ex to fully heal?  But that it is required to forgive yourself to fully heal. In this epis...

Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence in all the ugly tentacles of emotional, sexual, financial, and physical levels of abuse.  Strong language could be used Have you shared your story of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse with someone (or many people) and they look at you with disbelief? Or maybe they say something harmful or ask a harmful question because they believe the myths and misconcepti...

If you fear for your child’s safety when they are at parenting time visits with your narcissistic ex, you are not alone. You may also feel the frustration of your child coming home with expensive gifts or going on expensive trips, hearing how much fun their other parent is when you are having to manage all the day to day tough parts of parenting. Even though this is a tough situation, what if I to...

How do you find yourself in the aftermath of abuse? The systematic process of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse strips away your identity and sense of self.  The decisions you make while in your abusive relationship and often when you are dealing with post-separation abuse are based on your safety and the safety of your children.  You are conditioned to silence your needs and wants. How can...

In this episode, we are tackling mom guilt.  Mom guilt can be exacerbated when you have been criticized over and over again about your parenting by your partner, when you look at the effects of your children witnessing abuse in the home, or even more so if you are in the throes of family court with your narcissistic ex. Brooke shares how we were set up since birth to focus on the “shoulds” and wha...

There are reasons why anger makes survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse uncomfortable unless it is anger directed inwards towards themselves.  Anger has not been a safe emotion in your relationship and so you have been conditioned to keep it in and forget about it. While it may be uncomfortable for survivors, from a clinical perspective it is a barometer of change and a measurement...

Have you ever thought, “I would never allow someone to treat me that way,” and yet you stay?  Or maybe “I’m well educated and confident.  How did I get sucked into such a toxic relationship?” Chelli shares her clinical knowledge as well as the knowledge she has gained from experiences in pathological love relationships to explain the answer to these questions above.  Chelli shares the importance o...

Have you ever spent hours trying to research and understand why your partner did what they did to you only to feel more confused afterward?  Being in a relationship with an abusive and narcissistic partner can leave you feeling crazy and full of self-doubt. It is not necessary for you to have a full understanding of why your partner has hurt you the way that they have in order to fully heal.  It i...