The Potential State Podcast

We all believe secretly that we are superior to our partners in certain areas (EITHOR 3 - the 95/70 dichotomy). This results from our insecurities and the necessities of building a stable system of distribution of power. Instead of feeling ashamed or hiding it, you should practice ownursh!t and say it to yourself and to your loved ones.  In this talk I'll explain how I discovered this EITHOR...

Having a secret language has many benefits, mainly increasing intimacy and minimizing misunderstandings. It activates your 'upstairs' brains and reduces trauma mind. In this talk I will explore why you should start developing secret code words with the people you love. I will share examples from my life, the clinic and the theater world. Practical tips are given on how to build such a la...

We all SHOULD be doing more in our life and certainly with our loved ones. But what prices do we pay when we believe or say that we SHOULD? This talk explores the individual and relational consequences we all face when we use (or don't use) SHOULD. Practical tips are given how to go beyond the SHOULD to WANT/WONT. Recorded live on FB. www.potentialstate.com https://www.psychologytoday.com/int...

Do you find yourself or your loved ones 'not understanding' something emotional or relational? There is a big relational price for not knowing. This talk explains why 'I don't understand' is sometimes a very effective defense mechanism, yet actually creates distance in your relationships in the long run. Examples from the clinic and life show what happens when you don&apos...

Every day we hurt, ignore or just disappoint the ones we love for different reasons: we're too tired, too angry, not paying attention, focused on ourselves and more.  Over time, these ruptures create a negative sentiment override where we tend to interpret our partner's behavior in a negative way.  This talk details a simple technique that can help you overcome these unavoidable ruptures...

We truly want our partners and loved ones to succeed in life. But many times we subconsciously belittle them to actually feel better about ourselves, because we might have a core belief of "Either You or Me/Strong or Weak" (what I call EITHOR 1). This talk explains why we do it and includes examples of how such depreciating manifests in the clinic and life. Practical tips are given on ho...

Join us for a candid conversation with author, therapist and teacher David Lester​ about his new book Jewish Marriage: The Ceremony, The First Year, and the Journey That Follows. We talk about love, intimacy, the different stages of marriage and about the secret to living 'happily ever after'. Recorded live on FB. Follow David and his book at https://www.facebook.com/Jewish-Marriage-2978...

Do you feel responsible for most of your partner's feelings? Do you feel like their pain is your responsibility or fault? This talk might shock you when you see how these core beliefs limit your relationship and keep you feeling lonely and dependent.  Examples are given from the clinic and life and tips are given on how to be closer to your loved ones without feeling the burden of guilt.  Rec...

How do we present ourselves to the world?  We usually have a preferred way to bring ourselves in the world: either high status/one up, or low status/one down. Come hear more about these concepts and how these two positions shape your relationships and your life. Examples from the clinic and life illustrate this issue . Practical tips are given on how to master the see-saw in your personal and prof...

Good relationships (sometimes) have a good balance of give and take, co-creation and ALSO collaboration. By adding ALSO (and SOMETIMES) we actually improve the collaborative potential for synergy, thereby inserting some vitality and excitement to our everyday conversations.  Examples are given from the clinic and life and practical tips how you can use also and sometimes to open your mind and your...

We don't like talking about money in our intimate relationships. BUT MONEY IS POWER AND IS ALWAYS PRESENT IN OUR LIFE. Come hear how money imbalance (together with the Gender factor when relevant) affects every intimate relationship and what you can do to become more aware and leverage it to personal and relational growth. Examples are given from the clinic and practical tips are shared on ho...

We don't want to be rude and share what is going on inside our mind and heart every minute. But such 'live broadcasting' actually helps you regulate your feelings and adds a lot of depth to your life. Come hear the rationale and several professional and personal examples. Tips are given in the end how to NAME your feelings successfully for a richer life! Recorded live on FB. Come se...

Most of us dont like saying NO (to others or to ourselves) because it can result in hurt feelings, anger, loss or frustration. Yet that avoiding NO makes us feel helpless, flooded and disrespected. Instead we should start bring back the Yes to the NO. By giving a Positive No (Ury) we gain more time, respect and happiness. Examples are given from the clinic and my life. Tips are given how to say mo...

How do people learn and integrate what they learn? What are the processes that aid in that process? How can we help ourselves and our loved ones integrate, understand and use what we learn? Come listen to my conversation with the anthropologist Dr. Marcy Brink-Danan on this topic. Examples and practical tips are given as usual. Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.co...

We all want to live forever so we hold on (hoard) to things and people so we can keep existing. But holding on negates the very essence of nature and our humanity.   Come hear why you should let go of things and people that are not serving you or making you happy. Examples from the clinic as well as my personal life are described. As usual, practical tips are given.  Come and release yourself! Rec...

You are invited to celebrate with me my birthday and learn about the concept that has changed my life: Differentiation - My ability to be myself and close to others. Throughout this talk, I share my personal and professional journey with this paradigm. Come hear more about the theory, listen to examples and get some practical tips how to be more you and closer to others in your life while maintain...

*THIS EPISODE DOES NOT ENDORSE OR ENCOURAGE OR NORMALIZE ANY FORM OF VIOLENCE OR ABUSE OF ANY KIND* You always hurt the one you love. We want to only be altruistic and benevolent. But we aren't. We either repress our anger and let it out as passive aggressive or act it out as violence and abuse. Come hear why denying/suppressing your aggression leaves you frustrated and dis-empowered. Come le...

In this first installment of the Crucible series, I explore how to communicate authentically. We will understand why and how people use self-presentation to protect themselves and the impact it has on the relationship and your sense of self. Come learn how to recognize self- presentation of yourselves or others and 'leap to freedom' toward authentic self-disclosures by 'broadcasting...

Life is short. Relationships are important. We don't have enough time for small talk.  But without 'meaningless' conversations, our relationships become serious, heavy, somewhat burdening endeavors.  Come hear why wasting time with 'meaningless' conversations is actually a reservoir of happiness and play in your relationships. Examples will be given as well as practical ti...

We all know that improvisation can help people grow and heal. But how does improvisation actually help us grow ourselves and our relationships? What are the micro and macro processes that happen when we improvise with another person? In this talk, which is translated to German along the episode, I explain the psycho-therapeutic theory behind the healing power of improvisation, in therapy and in li...

We want to live forever.  We hate saying goodbye to people and things. We want to have all our options open all the time. That can make us weak or apathetic or bored. Come listen why we should all purposely, consciously  part with more people and things with gratitude in our lives - in order to feel good. Examples are given from the clinic, workshops and my personal life. Practical tips will be gi...

In this episode I explain gains and losses from being up on the balcony, looking down at life, as well as being down on the dance floor. I show how the vitality of life is waiting for us on the dance floor and why you should try to follow the fear and head down there.  I give examples from the clinic and my life to show you the benefits and costs of daring to be on the dance floor. Bring your danc...

Most of us don't want to admit we don't know things.  But admitting openly that 'I don't know' liberates us into life-long learning as well as equalizes the power dynamics in our relationships and allows us to reclaim our authenticity. This episode includes different examples from the clinic, workshops, performances and  personal relationships that show how honest not know...

We all want to really feel loved. We usually present our best selves to the world. These two wants sometimes lead to us often feeling that people who say nice things to us or love us, don't really mean it or don't really know us (because if they knew who we REALLY are, they wouldn't love us). The solution: LET THEM SEE YOUR SHADOW! Come listen to my claim that this is the way forwar...

In this talk I compare the concepts of empathy and sympathy in relation to compassion and show many examples where we over-sympathize in a way that actually doesn't help the other. Examples are given from different contexts about different ways of 'doing' compassion. The talk concludes with practical tips how you can love and empower others in a deep way. Recorded live on FB. Come s...