The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast

Being and belonging are essential to who we are. According to mimetic theory, the way we go about this is more harmful than helpful. Working toward self-differentiation can help. Show Notes: Secrets about People: A Short and Dangerous Introduction to René Girard by Alex Danco The Key to Move from Imitation to Differentiation: How Mimetic Theory Unlocks the Workplace by David Gornoski and J. Lenora...

Goal Direction and self-differentiation go hand-in-hand. This episode explores what this looks like and how it applies to leadership. Show Notes: The Bowen Center Professional Lecture Series Podcast, Goal Direction and Family Functioning , Philip Klever, MSW. Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

What works for Donald Trump as a leader will not likely work for the rest of us. Understanding the ways he increases anxiety can help you to be more effective as a non-anxious leader. Show Notes: Podcast Episode 28: How to Take a Leadership Stand on Controversial Issues (including a Family Systems take on Donald Trump’s Leadership Style) Podcast Episode 44: Four Rules for Political Discourse (and...

Understanding the difference between worry, stress, anxiety and excitement can help leaders remain a non-anxious presence in the most challenging moments. Show Notes: The Difference Between Worry, Stress and Anxiety by Emma Pattee A Bundle of Nerves - Choiceology Podcast with Katy Milkman Get Excited: Reappraising Pre-Performance Anxiety as Excitement by Alison Wood Brooks Read the Full Transcript...

Non-anxious leaders say what they believe while giving others the freedom to disagree. Understanding how belief functions makes this easier. Show Notes: Belief in the Brain by Allison Bond Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

Edwin Friedman described a set of tensions that every leader faces. Understanding context and emotional process helps the non-anxious leader navigate these effectively. Show Notes: Leadership through Self-Differentiation , a home video of an Edwin Friedman divinity school lecture. Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

Rites of passage are times when the emotional intensity makes it possible for people to grow in their capacity to self-differentiate. It requires recognizing the emotional process at work and responding appropriately. My family is going through just such a time. It makes a great case study. Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

Keeping things in perspective is essential for the non-anxious leader. This episode unpacks three important of perspectives that make it easier to be a non-anxious presence. Show Notes: Episode 49: Hot States, Cold States and Self-Regulation (Part 1 of 2) Episode 50: Hot States, Cold States and Self-Regulation (Part 2 of 2) Leadership through Self-Differentiation , a home video of an Edwin Friedma...

Knowing that norms, values and patterns of behavior are transmitted from generation to generation can help you to take anxiety and resistance less personally. This will help you remain a non-anxious presence. Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

The uncertainty and disruption caused by the COVID-19 pandemic can create a persistent, low-level anxiety that affects one's ability to be a non-anxious leader. Show Notes: Episode 67: Six Ways to Manage Anxiety Episode 68: Self-Acceptance Leads to Self-Differentiation Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

As with many things in family systems theory, self-differentiation requires holding the tension between self-definition and emotional connection. Show Notes: WorkLife with Adam Grant – Bonus: Relationships at work with Esther Perel Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

The Broadway production of Hamilton has some great examples of people-pleasing and narcissism. Here's why self-differentiation is neither. Show Notes: WorkLife with Adam Grant - Bonus: Relationships at work with Esther Perel Hamilton despised slavery but didn’t confront George Washington or other slaveholders by Gregory S. Schneider Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

Having compassion for and staying connected to those with whom you disagree is not likely to change their mind. It does keep open the possibility for new opportunities. Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

David Brubaker writes that leading in a politically polarized age requires clarity, compassion, courage and connection. Those characteristics reflect the essence of leadership through self-differentiation. Show Notes: Leading in an Age of Political Polarization by David R. Brubaker The Non-Anxious Leader: Family Systems Basics , July 1-28, 2020 Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

This rebroadcast is more relevant in the renewed fight against racism. Spiral dynamics is a model that helps us understand both human and societal development. The challenge of the 21st century is finding unity in the midst of ever-growing diversity. Understanding family systems can help. Show Notes: Stages of Social Development: The Cultural Dynamics that Spark Violence, Spread Prosperity, and Sh...

When faced with a difficult decision avoid the impulse to react, stay focused on your mission, weigh the downside risk, and look for stop signs. Then make your choice and own it. Show Notes: Episode 71: Save Your Energy for the Important Decisions Chasing Daylight: Seize the Power of Every Moment by Erwin McManus Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

A key difference between Edwin Friedman and Murray Bowen is the concept of Sabotage. Both would agree on the emotional process involved, but Bowen never used the term. This episode explains why. Show Notes: Bowen and Friedman: Two Systems Thinkers from The Bowen Center for the Study of Family Podcast The Non-Anxious Leader Network Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

Family systems practitioner Jenny Brown uses the term maturity to describe self-differentiation. I take two paragraphs from her book and distill out three hallmarks of self-differentiation. Show Notes: Growing Yourself Up: How to bring your best to all of life's relationships by Jenny Brown The Non-Anxious Leader Network Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

Not every decision is created equal. Knowing how to manage your decision-making energy will make you more confident, less anxious, and will leave you more energy for the big decisions. Show Notes: Successful people like Barack Obama and Mark Zuckerberg wear the same thing every day — and it's not a coincidence from Business Insider The Choices Before Us: Can Fewer Options Lead To Better Decisi...

The uncertainty created by the COVID-19 pandemic is like "the fog of war." Non-anxious leaders embrace this uncertainty in a way that helps those they lead do their best work. Show notes: A Crisis Leadership Lesson, an interview with General Stanley McChrystal, The Masters of Scale Rapid Response Podcast . This link has all episodes on one page. To find the McChrystal interview, scroll d...

Working from home is even more challenging when it's 24/7 and you share the space with others. Understanding how to adjust your routines to make it work will get you through. Show Notes: This is my office cubbyhole in the basement. Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

Self-acceptance comes from self-understanding and self-compassion. This is easier said than done. It begins with awareness and intentionality and ultimately leads to taking responsibility for self. Show Notes: The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance by Leon F Seltzer Ph. D. Therapists Spill: 12 Ways to Accept Yourself by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. This is my blog post that includes the Nick Sab...

The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted daily living for almost everybody. This kind of change requires us to understand loss, grief and how to manage anxiety. Show Notes: That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief by Scott Berinato Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

In Matthew 28:1-10, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary, face change, uncertainty and fear. The parallels to the current COVID-19 crisis are unmistakable. Their response can help us find hope. Show Notes: That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief by Scott Berinato The Liturgists Podcast: You Are Safe Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.

Finding a therapist or coach, doing a genogram and family timeline, and listening to family stories can help you work toward greater self-differentiation. It's a life's work. Subscribe to my weekly  ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠  emails.