The Gonarch's Lair and Off-Planet podcasts

Welcome young Padawan, to our Star Wars special. The Force will have to be strong within you to endure this trial of tolerance, as we gossip in Galactic Basic Standard for close to 5 hours about arguably the biggest movie franchise of your planet’s timeline thus far. During part one of this audacious opera our villainous scum discuss the World Video Game Hall of Fame entries for 2018, Atomic Heart...

The second part of our midi-chlorian motivated mission is 99.9% genuine Star Wars content, join us as our geriatric Jedi juggle to the conclusion of their very own epic saga of an episode; we discuss all of the feature-length films in order of release, the cartoons and spin-off flicks, every video game inspired by the franchise, and we receive a provocative message from a regular guest which explo...

In the second part of this frivolous frisk, we spend at least 80% of the conversation scrutinising Wayne’s nomadic video game history, and prising answers from him on the usual gaming related questions that we ask all of the Lair’s victims; his gaming persona, desert island game choices, his character point, and the three historical figures or celebrities he would play games with for a day. During...

Full disclosure: this episode in no way commemorates anything of note or significance, our nasty natives are instead joined by a guest who has for a long time teased his arrival in the Lair; like a pea in the wrong pod, and earning the title of most distinguished visitor to the deadly den, Wayne endures Ross and Thom’s company for close to 4 hours of excruciating examination. In part one the taxin...

Our choccy chowing chums have been resurrected and thrown back on-air to record the second part of this eggceptional episode, following extensive testing by our QA department it has now been deemed safe to pass over to our listener for their audible pleasure; we talk at length about the questions asked of our former guests: can you name three historical figures or celebrities you would like to pla...

Top of the morning to you listener, thanks a million for once again subjecting yourselves to this latest by-product of the Lair’s putrescent periodical processes. In defiance of all logic, episode 34 is not an Easter special but it is instead masquerading as a belated St. Patrick's Day celebration, so expect plenty of questionable accents and insensitive innuendos about Irish culture. In part one...

Good news listener, neither Ross nor Thom have perished since transmitting their previous communication from the Lair, so thankfully they are able to return as hosts for February’s episode. Contrary to popular rumours it is not a pancake or Valentine’s Day special, but that didn't stop our writers from peppering the script with topical puns and appropriate musical interludes. In the first part of...

In the second part of this frigid frolic through February, our battered brothers recount the top ten game lists and gaming achievements from some of our biggest fans, before discussing at length the highs and lows of our own Gamerscores. We also discuss banana bread, pixel hunts, consumption, the PS Vita, hole-in-ones, gaming headsets, Gnome Chomski, and we ask our guests from episodes past to ans...

The first episode of 2018 contains at least 50% less alcohol consumption than usual, as one of our foolish fellows forgoes fermented refreshments in an effort to fulfil his oath of a firewater free month. In part one of this teetotal twin production we discuss Arkham Knight, Hunt for the Wilderpeople, Black Mirror season 4, Forma.8, online communication bans, GTFO and Witchfire, Denis Through the...

In the sober sequel to part one of this year’s premier episode, we finally fulfil the initial purpose of the Gonarch’s Lair podcast by discussing our top ten Xbox 360 games, and in doing so cast doubt over whether we will return for episode 33… The answer is yes, of course we will! The Lair's captives also talk at length about the contents of Ross’ dusty suitcase, the Millennium Bug, VRChat, water...

Our two broken uncles return to Gonarch’s Grotto for the third year running, celebrating the festive season with their trademark gusto; proceedings are tinged this time however with an anti-Christmas vibe, in honour of Ross’ hatred for all things jolly. We discuss unwanted gifts and practical presents, beer advent calendars, we read out an email from an inmate at Xen’s Correctional Facility, have...

In part two, Ross and Thom continue their joyless journey through this years’ Christmas special by playing four retro video games; Gremlins on Atari 5200, Gremlins 2: The New Batch on NES, Home Alone on the SNES, and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York also on the SNES. While playing we discuss the Story Break podcast, Lazy Game Reviews, Gang Beasts, Hue, PUBG and Fortnite, and we rue Xbox One’s parity...

The third and final part of our Christmas special injects a small amount of genuine goodwill into the episode, boosting the merriment factor to 2 out of a possible 10. In it we talk about the Escape Room challenges that we have both faced within the past month, and we list our favourite games, movies and TV shows that we've played and watched throughout 2017. We also talk about spending Christmas...

Virgins beware, our two sired souls are joined by an uninvited guest to help give vampires the Gonarch's Lair treatment for 2017’s Halloween spooktacular. In the first part of the triple bill we discuss vampire abilities and weaknesses, vampire lore not law, we guess which vampire we each have dressed as, a topical quiz decides this month’s Head-to-Head contest, and we find out who drove it like t...

Show your fangs for the final part of our Halloween special, our calamitous clutch race against the rising sun while talking relentlessly about vampire games, from The Count on the ZX Spectrum to Vampyr on current gen. The discussion covers Halloween beer, Unfinished Swan, Mona the Vampire, food bacteria, and we see the return of Ross’ Spotlight. We also talk about Women’s Studies, the Chuckle Bro...

In part two of this bloodsucking bonanza, the thrilling threesome play Night Hunter on the Commodore Amiga while chatting about Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds, Fortnite Battle Royale, Destiny 2, and the Stranger Things mobile game; we sample Hobgoblin crisps, green popcorn, and we take on the Starburst Trick or Treat challenge. We also extensively discuss vampire movies including Martin, Near Dark...

Two full years have passed since the genesis of our generally misunderstood and entirely irreverent podcast, and despite everyone’s best efforts we are still going strong! The first part of episode 29 has more slam dunks and exploding beverages than you could shake a cream pie at, as the Lair’s permanent residents turn the wackiness level up to 5 to celebrate their second birthday. Our loony lads...

In part 2 of episode 29, we take you all the way back to those lazy Saturday mornings and post-school afternoons spent in front of the magical box of light; eyes glued to the animated antics of our favourite cartoon characters, minds blown by universes and creatures beyond our imagination. Our comic couple discuss TV guides, speech impediments, comedic relief characters, action figures, and cartoo...

Women are from Venus, our men are from Xen, so expect absolute carnage in episode 28 when Ross and Thom welcome the Lair's first ever female visitor. The thrilling threesome chat about Ozark, Munchkin, GLOW, Hearthstone, Dunkirk, Cards Against Humanity, Wet Hot American Summer, and we pay tribute to George A. Romero. We also discuss lame superpowers, Tim Westwood, Quiznos, Jeremy Kyle, there's ano...

Chivalry is proven to be utterly dead in the second part of episode 28, as we subject our guest to the homework games chosen by Sie in episode 24, Moonstone: A Hard Days Knight on the Commodore Amiga and Flashback on the Sega Mega Drive. We also talk about sexism in gaming, Canadian gun law, female oriented games, pet names, we speculate on the next Nintendo Mini console, and Kelly gives the boys...

Celestial objects have aligned just long enough to allow another broadcast from Xen to reach the Pale Blue Dot, and with it comes a brand new episode of everyone’s favourite retro-gaming podcast. Ross and Thom return withattacks gusto in episode 27 to chat about E3, Micro Machines, NERG, Legion, the Heroes and Villains Fan Fest, and Alien: Covenant; we also reveal the results of our first Communit...

In the second part of episode 27, the deadly duo bludgeon their way through a list of serial killer games from the last 33 years, starting with Atari 2600's Halloween and ending with PS4's Until Dawn. Along the way we discuss our preferred MOs, proximity chat, text-based crime games, playing as the antagonist, and Thom presents his ‘launch week’ proposal. We also talk about jump scares, twist endi...

Just like a sucker punch to the jaw, unexpected and excruciating, we are back for the first half of yet another 2 part episode. Ross and Thom are both carrying career threatening injuries, yet still they manage to push the envelope of the retrogaming podcast genre while discussing COD WWII, DLC delays and the pressure on developers to create content, Giana Sisters: Twisted Dreams, Darkest Dungeon,...

In the second part of episode 26, Ross and Thom set a new record for their longest podcast yet while talking about 1v1 fighting games. We discuss special moves, novelty and tribute characters, Street Fighter clones, fatalities and gore, button bashing, and we read some messages from regular listeners and fans including a rare communication from Xen. We also talk about SNK's Neo Geo, motion capture...

Climb aboard the hype train and bear witness to the splendour of the Lair's latest offering; episode 25 not only marks our quarter century episode and half century release, it also is not an Easter special despite rumours that it is. In part one Ross and Thom discuss in-app purchases and paywalls, Evolve, video game emulation, Cities: Skylines, Hammer Horror, Bastion, Disney live-action remakes, T...