The Drink Tank

If you were given the opportunity to colonize another planet would you? There are barren planets out there just waiting for your DNA and now, or at least when i am done formulating my plan for a company, is the best time to give those planets the things they need to start life. For 10 easy payments of $69.69 you too could colonize a planet. Maybe. No promises are made for the success of the coloni...

You don't read this shit anyway. I put minutes into crafting these sentences and nothing. So... phone, number, news, stocks, meme, india, chair, bubble, chicken, cloth, window, sink, knife, company, minimum wage, bags, alcohol, covid, spike, google, feet. Ok that should really fuck up some search results. carry on. Send us Fan Mail Support the show

Ok so... id like to say that the title is more of cheeky reference to before forced into a situation with a karen and being raped by the experience... Id LIKE to say that. But I can't. We literally talked about rape for an uncomfortable amount of time. Not really directly but directly enough that it stuck with me how much it was said through at least half a fifth. So... Sorry? I don't kn...

The wrong guest shows up for an in-depth conversation about not him. Ok it wasn't that in depth... we don't care who our guests are nobody matters as much as us. But we did technically have a guest and his dog ruined everything. So don't blame us for poor quality podcasting it is never our fault. Blame the average man not everyone can handle being put in the spot light and this amat...

OK this is awkward but I honestly don't know what we talked about. I know I do this to you guys a lot but lets just assume we didn't talk about anything worth remembering... So when you zone off while driving you wont miss anything!! Its like we planned this out. So click it or ticket and lets help you feel like you teleported to your destination. Let us drone on and you just keep chuggi...

There is no answer to the biggest questions in the world. Everyone has different experiences and comes to their own personal answers there own way. We can only experience life through our own eyes and that alone skews the answers to these questions. That being said we have got all the answers to all of life's big questions. We have solved the fundamental problems with the world and we will gi...

If anyone can truly harness the aura of "the flaw is what makes it perfect" it has to be us. We have so many flaws one of them has to make us perfect. If we are not perfect it is clearly only due to many people constantly working against us to keep us down. When we die we will be huge. We will NEVER end cause we will leave enough information behind that AI will continue our podcast till...

Dealing with people is the worst. Dealing with people this deep in COVID is a goddamn mine field. Some people have thrived in these times and some have not but I have just gotten lost in the monotony.  The are too many obstacles now. Can we ever get back to normal. I say no. And while it is problematic lets be honest it may be best. I like some parts of this nightmare. And some things may actually...

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To prove how bad of  a tiper i am i am not going to correct anything that i type for this descrption. this may also show how bad of a speller i am but what care you dl. you win some you lise some. it is not all moy fault thought casue i am also dunrk. Oh man how cliche that i spelled drunk wrong. ok nailed it that time.  I should probably do this evert tim cause it ckinda speaks to how we do the p...

Politically we are ruined. There is little we can do to change the outlook of America. There is an off chance that we have already solved it and we don't even realize. Like the stories from the past and our forgotten experiences we have opted to forget that we have solved politics for future generations. Discover the way that we solve the problems of the future. Also friends was a bad show. L...

Not sure what quips are but they make me giggle a little. I do know all about flaps though and let me tell you they slap. Its the new thing all the kids are doing it so tune in and learn about the new craze. Its all about flaps now. Flap it in the morning. Flap it with your friends. Own your flaps. Take a nap post flap. Fap to a flap. I think we can all enjoy it and we should all tune into it. Don...

Whine all you want but the French are the new Italians and we treat them as such.  All things French are now the worst. French bread. Fuck you. French Kissing. Gross. French onion dip. Not the worst but some things have to be collateral damage. So pardon my French, or don't cause they don't deserve it, butt fuck it all. This is a grape episode and it will be raisin your expectations for...

Ok well we figure some shit out. It is the end of beer. So a solemn occasion. Ok well beer always comes back but for a while it may be gone. For the podcast I am willing to lean in and it will be gone for the next year if we make it that long. Either way we made it a year and this is the last from this generation. So order from your favorite food truck and enjoy a revealing episode. Send us Fan Ma...

Sometimes the greatest things have the worst repercussions. A hot date can end in terrible blue balls. A great drunk can end in a terrible hangover. And a perfect snow day can end in a terrible slushy nightmare. It is puzzling how such great experiences are ruined by themselves. This is why I refuse to ever be happy, misery is always just a heart beat away. Join me on my tour of all the miserable...

People are stupid and so is the government. If you agree with that then our takes on how will be REALLY stupid. Since most things are stupid anyway just lean into it and accept that stupid is as stupid does. So let us, as professionals in stupidity, guide you on this terrible tour. From how we drive on roads to how we pay for them we talk about things.  These are hard to write. I am starting to th...

Still unsure what happened here. Sometimes things get out of hand. Alcohol happens. Oh well.  Send us Fan Mail Support the show

At the end of the day none of us have any real control over our lives. We cling to the small things we can control and we hold tight. Every once in a while our eyes are opened to the idea that with enough coordination we have more control than we believe. Alone we are weak together we are strong.  One day we may realize this and take control but realistically we all prefer the comfort of the lie a...

Oh man. This is a podcast. We sat down and recorded what we talked about while we drank. We talked back and forth for an hour or so. It was great fun. We laughed and laughed the whole time. You probably wont enjoy it. It was mostly for us. That is all.  Send us Fan Mail Support the show

Some birthdays mean more than others. Some grant us wisdom, some perspective and more happiness health and progress. Others give us nothing but another year under our belt and the false idea that we are better than others cause we made it this far. That is what this is. Parker made it another revolution around the sun. He gained nothing but that. We are still terrible people with terrible thoughts...

At the end of the day I think we all know we are being played. From the moment we wake up.... before we put on our make up... we are getting played. Our society wants our money and the best way to get the money is to make you think you are spending your money wisely while spending it poorly. Brushing on these topics and really sinking our teeth into how much crap is shoveled into our mouth we reve...

There are times in life where you know you have a bad idea and you immediately abort. Then there are times when you think you have a good idea and you realize it is shitty. This is neither of those. We actively know we have shitty ideas and run full sprint into them. I mean we don't follow through with anything but we talk about them like they are good ideas... which is just as bad. We willin...

Four scores and seven years ago IHOP was still called IHOP and then they changed it to IHOB and then they realized marketing is a thing and nobody was going to call it anything different and nobody liked their burgers so they changed it back. That is basically was happens with our podcast we are lighthearted then we get drunk and angry, a pattern that anyone who drinks is bound to fall into and th...

Holiday Podcast Cookies By TheDrinkTank The cookies we are discovering today are the result of at least 60 years of combined discovery and experimentation. The results may be lacking but that is just the way the cookie crumbles... Now for the recipe. It was 1964 the last time these were made and that is no mistake. Ok Just kidding but fucking recipe books right? Who reads the story... 3 cups whisk...

Ladies and Gentlemen. WELCOME TO THE MAIIIIIN EVENT!!!! Sponsored in part by BasicallyAWashcloth the main producer of dog bibs for your kibble dribble needs and BowlsOut a charity providing clean water to dogs that drink out of puddles. In this corner weighing in at 28 ElleBees cause we dont say pound around here... Maeve the Glaive Zoltan!!!! And in this corner at a lean 20483 ounces the king of...