The Dildorks

How do you get over a friend who doesn’t like you back? This week, we wade deeper into the topic of unrequited feelings within a friendship.   Crush Eras | “The Friendzone” | Straight vs. Queer Scripts | Gendered Narratives | Processing Unrequited Feelings | Re-Channelling Obsessions | Grieving Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access...

What happens when you catch feelings for your friend? This week, we discuss the tricky art of keeping a friendship afloat while attraction rocks the boat.   When Feelings Dissipate | Developing Feelings | When to Say Something | Changing the Label | Flirting vs. Being Direct | Flirting is Hot | Soft No vs. Hard No | When to Let It Go | Gender Imbalances | Should You Tell Them? Credits: Music by PR...

Friendships with benefits are an important part of our sexual landscape, so this week we discuss how to navigate casual ongoing sexual partnerships with kindness and grace.   FWBs vs. Fuckbuddies | Demisexuality | Romantic Attraction | Safety & Trust | Familiarity & Practice | Sex is Fun | Intimacy & Connection | Finding a FWB | Asking a Friend | Labeling | “What Are You Looking For?” | “We Should...

Sexual pleasure can be wonderful self-care, even during some low-libido times. This week we discuss our favorite methods of sexual self-care.   Happy Pride Month! | Not Jerking Off | Perfunctory Masturbation | Reducing Friction | Opportunities to Feel Sexy | Sexual Health | Setting & Enforcing Boundaries | Self-Knowledge | Focusing on Pleasure | Curiosity & Creativity | “Just Do It”? Credits: Musi...

This week Kate chats with her wife mb about how HRT (hormone replacement therapy) can affect transfeminine people’s skin sensitivity, orgasm intensity, desire levels, and more! Your Mileage May Vary | Softer Skin | Girl Smell | Erectile Changes | Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire | Maintaining Erectile Function | Context & a “Why” | Hormonal Cycle | Sensitivity | /r/GrowYourClit | Orgasms | Cum |...

Happy Masturbation Month to those who celebrate! This week we’re answering listener questions on jerkin’ it. Want to Want It | Solo Pain Play | Masochism vs. Self-Harm | Fantasies Making a Comeback | Achievable Fantasies | Pets in the Room Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to our private Discord, monthly bonus episodes, and your...

Living with your polycule: bad idea, or best idea? This week we discuss the emotional and practical realities of Billy’s recent decision to move in with his partner and metamour!   Kitchen Table Polyamory | Combining Households | Chore Distribution | Building New Routines | Bedroom Privacy | Gross Little Gremlin | Largest Room | Fears | Chosen Family | Poly Stigma | Complementary Skillsets Credits...

This week, Kate chats with friend of the show Addison Finch about the ritual and reverence of bootblacking, and what we can learn about our current political moment from studying the history of kink.   CLAGS Lecture Series | Leather History | Can Straight People Be “Leather”? | Kink Awakening | History & Context | Kink Reading Group | Activism & Organizing | Bootblacking & Leather Care | Boot Wors...

As is tradition, this week we celebrate 4/20 by getting intoxicated and answering silly hypothetical questions about sex.   Last Prisoner Project | Movie Quotes | Cooking Implements | Tantus Plunge | BJ Dildo | Condiments | Exes & Past Selves | Gifting Kinks | Inanimate Objects | Fireworks Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and get access to ou...

Whether you prefer to plan dates or have them planned for you, a date’s location or activity can play a big role in how well it goes – so this week we discuss how to successfully plan early dates with a new person.   Whose Responsibility? | Providing Input | Dietary Restrictions | Go-To Locations | Civil Liberties | Pour Boy | Activity vs. Conversation | Movies & Museums | Too Loud | Poor Planning...

Lots of people like to incorporate multimedia into their sexting, so this week we discuss the benefits of sending voice memos and provocative pictures, among other things.   Eggplant Emoji | Shy Texters | Digital & Emotional Context | Parenting | Voice Notes | Phone Sex | Lewds & Nudes | Photography Tips Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show and g...

This week we discuss some of our favorite things about sexting – like how it can build rapport, establish compatibility, and even increase your empathy.   Filling Time at Work | Why We Love Sexting | During Daily Life | Intent & Desire | Good Sexts = Good Sex? | What Makes It Good/Bad? | Talk About the Clit | “Yes, And”-ing | Word Preferences | Attunement | Suddenly Vanishing | “Don’t Know What to...

This week, we answer more questions about asking questions – including questions that can help you suss out somebody’s politics or kinks, negotiate safer sex protocols, and (maybe) call the whole thing off.   Personal Questions | Touchy Subjects | Political Alignment | STI Testing | Disclosing Kinkiness | Assessing Chemistry Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to s...

Diving deeper into our recent discussion on how curiosity is sexy, this week we discuss the practice of asking questions on dates: why it matters, why it’s hot, and what kinds of questions we like to ask and be asked.   Why Ask Questions? | Demonstrating Interest | Assessing Compatibility | Conversational Labor | Building Connection | Carrying the Conversation | Different Conversational Styles | E...

Polyamorous dating can be pretty different depending on whether you’re single versus in a long-term relationship already; this week we discuss our experiences of both kinds.   Primary vs. Anchor | Hierarchy | Scarcity vs. Abundance | Avoiding Codependency | Growth & Change | New Relationship Energy | Monogamous-Minded People | Dating Newbies | Bringing It Up | New People | Couples’ Privilege | Sec...

This week we’re discussing some interesting and unusual fetishes we’ve stumbled across recently, from glossy magazines to nail-biting to haircutting.   Glossy Magazines | Eggs | Job Ethics | Squidly Co. (Discount Code DILDORKS20) | Non-Consensual Haircutting | Forced Masculinization | Nail-Biting | Context-Dependent Desires Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to su...

This week we discuss two crucial qualities that can make you exponentially better in bed (and out of bed, too): curiosity and creativity. Sexual Skills | Communication | Curiosity | Accepting Feedback | Limitations | Compassion & Empathy | Conflicts & Problem-Solving | Solo Curiosity | Curiosity is Attractive | Asking Questions & Listening | Long-Term Relationships | Brainstorming & Decision-Makin...

Pursuing pleasure isn’t always as easy as it may seem, so this week we’re discussing some common hurdles to pleasure and how to overcome them, among other things.   What is Pleasurable? | Resistance to Sensation | Underprepared for Pleasure | Hurdles | Daydreaming | Romanticizing Your Life | Posting About Pleasure | Nervous System Regulation | Mental Preparation | “How Can I Make This Fun?” | Work...

When times get tough, pleasure becomes more important than ever. This week, we discuss our favorite ways of accessing pleasure, and the role it plays in our lives, both in and out of the bedroom.   Pleasure Activism | “A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats” | Taking the Leap | Beacon of Pleasure Permission | Our Favorite Pleasures | Cocktails & Rituals | Cleaning & Organizing | Learning & Improving | Savo...

This week we’re continuing to discuss some of our favorite films about the LGBTQ+ experience – plus a few about non-monogamy and sex work, for good measure!   750GB of Trans Content | Obsession & Bigotry | Sylvia Scarlett | Call Me Kate | Katharine Hepburn | Angels in America | Spirituality for Queers | Fellow Travelers | The Apprentice | Lavender Marriage | Some Like It Hot | Tootsie | She’s the...

We needed a dose of queer resilience this week (maybe you do too!), so we’re talking about some of our favorite queer films and the evolution of LGBTQ+ cinema.   The News | Hope Throughout History | The Struggle | The Birdcage | The Celluloid Closet | Philadelphia | Straight Actors in Queer Roles | Making Love | Nathan & Robin on Oprah | Ben-Hur | Hays Code | Saturday Night | Coming Out & Outing P...

This week we get real vulnerable (and a li’l intoxicated) and tell you about some of our favorite new fantasies from 2024, the goals we set for our sex lives last year, and what we want to try in 2025.   Fantasies | Pleasure Inequality | Meta-Fantasies | Plausibility | Zero-Consequences Room | Severance | No Nut November | Skull-Fucking | Last Year’s Goals | New Goals | Paring Down | DP | Ask For...

How did you grow and change in 2024 when it comes to sex and relationships? This week, we’re reflecting on our biggest (and kinkiest) shifts over the past year, plus discussing our current favorite sex toys.   Overall Shifts | Uneventful? | Openness to Long-Distance | Alone Time & Codependency | New Things | Rimming | Horny Genders | Cryo | Penis Pumps | Cages & Sleep Sex | VR Porn, Trance Trigger...

Vocal tone can have a big effect on kink scenes and everyday conversations alike, so this week we’re discussing our feelings on voices and dirty talk.   Dirty Talk & Humiliation | Voice Kink & Praise Kink | Long-Distance | Off-Camera vs. On | Speaking vs. Typing | Attraction | The Ick | Performativity | Billy’s Yes/No/Maybe List | Gender & Pitch | Dom & Sub Voices | Archetypes & Parts | Gender & B...

People are always coming up with new and interesting fetishes, and this week we discuss some unusual ones we’ve seen lately.   Current Definition | “Deviating” from the “Norm” | Taboo & Shame | Cream Pies & Facesitting | Bubble-Blowing | Sex Work Stigma | Mind-Reading | Sex Worker Fetish | Accelerator & Brakes Credits: Music by PROTODOME Artwork by Addison Finch Become a patron to support the show...