The Cartoncast

Happy… Easter? Yeah, this is another ostensibly Holiday movie, but really it’s an Avengers-style story of a team of superpowered mythological beings that unfortunately had to compete with the actual Avengers. These Guardians guard children’s dreams, hopes, and teeth against the literal Bogeyman with some impressive flair. Unfortunately this rabbit laid a big goose egg, but inside that egg was a fi...

When the boss calls in an action hero for one last mission, there’s no way he can turn them down. But what if that hero has no idea that the mission exists, and falls into a few other missions along the way? Dirkman Pitstain doesn’t know, and he sure isn’t going to find out. Unlike avocados (sp?), there’s no bad time to enjoy his festivities.

Cartoons have an interesting relationship with holiday specials. They tend to coincide with an animation and writing bump, but also have to navigate passing on those good feels without compromising their identity. Though it’s a mixed bag, today we look at three properties - Charlie Brown, Futurama, and Rugrats - to see how they handle the beast that is the Holiday Special.

For a guy who can travel the world in one night, Santa sure doesn’t know how to pace a movie. But like all of his traits, it’s endearingly innocent in a world that is working overtime to make sure that he’s protected from it. Check out this good boy and his annoying friends develop the Santa Mythos. Also a 90-second war.

The era of Adam Sandler is firmly in the past, and looking back on his popularity is a dizzying experience. He used his notoriety as “The Hannukah guy” to create an animated movie about the meaning of Hannukah. At least, that’s the concept. In execution, it’s just a whole lot of Adam Sandler without any physics or logical consistency slowing him down. If you actually enjoyed this movie, that’s a t...

Ben and Zane felt like something was off. They had a weird sense of Deja Vu, and their hands were real sweaty every time they picked up mice. Brie, the Cartoncast’s Fairy Godmother, revealed to them that time had been turned back, and they would have to re-watch Cinderella if they wanted to get out of it alive. It was good. Not great, but fun. And now they could get back to what’s really important...

It was that time of year again, when the world was focused on Men’s Figure Skating. It was a hot and steamy competition so far, with everyone stimulated by the athletes, who themselves were clearly aroused by the competition. Ben and Zane did their best to keep score, but with only the barest knowledge of skating, they were reduced to the “hot or not” scale. They gave mediocre scores overall, espe...

Ben and Zane were due at the Hex-tech Animation Symposium in Piltover, but a wrong turn sent them to the undercity. Thankfully, a local known only as “Lucky Tim” offered to show them around. The undercity was vibrant, even if it lacked the refinement of the privileged class. All in all, a good detour, topped off with a surprise appearance of Imagine Dragons in The Last Drop. * Best diss that will...

All was not well in the Cartonland. Ben and Zane couldn’t quite put their fingers on it - literally. Their fingers were gone, along with their clothes and a lot of their finer details. The world moved along at a choppy place, they could scarcely hold onto their own shapes, and they could feel their eyes bend. While in this state, they could barely leave their rooms - which turned out to be fine, b...

Ben and Zane dropped the ball yet again. Instead of watching a show, they accidentally watched a fan dub of some show from Uruguay. What’s it about? Hard to say. There’s definitely explosions and feral cats, but beyond that it’s uncertain. The Cartoncasters decided that instead of talking about it, they would instead riff on Power Rangers, a bold step forward in merchandising unrelated media.

Horror has a fairly narrow relationship with cartoons. Scooby doo paved the way for others to tip their toes in, and Courage the Cowardly Dog angled toward an absurdist bent where horror and comedy meet. Unfortunately, not even these two titans of the genre can withstand the Curse of the Direct to Video Movie. Thanks to Dan Caves of The Cocktail Party Congress and Nic Robes of What’s With You Scoo...

Ben and Zane were having a hell of a time with a missing person’s case. Since Fillmore was off the case (he was a loose cannon who played by his own rules), they brought on the guy who connected them in the first place, Josh. As they looked for the child, whose description was remarkably similar to that of a speak-and-spell, they got a little sidetracked by a series of 80’s nostalgia. They didn’t...

Zane had been looking for Ben for months. Turns out, finding him wasn’t the hard part, the real problem began when he had to extract him from a cult of personality based around “solving the mysteries of the universe.” Thankfully, their leader was very easily distracted. But the Cartoncasters still don’t know how he summoned a ghost. Or why.

With Ben still out undergoing his 5th resurrection, our resident Timelord Phil returns to guide us through another one of The Doctor’s adventures. This one is a take on the classic Area 51 tropes, which it plays straight, subverts, reverts, and eventually abandons in favor of a flying brain scorpion.

We’re all familiar with Garfield. But did you know he’s lived a double life? And it’s actually nine lives?! That’s right, Garfield the Cat is but one in a line of cats with strange and sometimes nonsensical stories. Thankfully, God isn’t the only one with too much omniscient information and a booming voice - If anybody knows more obscure trivia, it’s Josh.

It was the early 2000’s. Children’s programming was a lawless expanse of deeply weird and traumatizing concepts. And some genius thought, hell yeah why doesn’t Lego make a movie? With a classic plot, accessible Lego-like visuals, and a lore that is too vast for us to get into right now, Bionicle: Mask of Light is the best way for the general population to see if they’re ready for Bionicle. Join Al...

It’s just Hey Arnold guys.

Listen Senpai, Ben and Zane are willing to deal with as many weird, dramatic, sexual antics as it takes, but we draw the line at trying to figure out if those antics are sincere or a complete facade. Do you really love The Cartoncast? Do you even know? Are the bananas sexual imagery or are they a relic of slapstick? Stop playing with our hearts, Senpai!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled episode intro to bring you me giving my absolute minimum effort because the 2nd covid shot knocked the gumption right out of me. Thanks to the inimitable Nic for coming on the show! You can find his work at What’s With You, Scooby Doo.

Firebreather is a film with a unique visual flair, a well-trod coming-of-age plot, and a number of bizarre choices that led us to a mixture of amusement and bemusement. You wouldn’t expect a straight-to-TV movie to go through too many drafts, but the sheer number of strange choices make for a movie that alternately bored us and gave us whiplash. Oh well, at least we always have dodgeball.

Ben and Zane had regressed to the age of children (moreso than normal) and they needed to be kept entertained. After playing violent video games and loading up on sugar, the Cartoncasters couldn’t be kept safely in this world. No, they were instead sent to a magical world of reptilian babysitters, draggin’ them around on adventures. It kept their short attention spans occupied, and they didn’t cau...

Flash Player had a good long run, and plenty of people are saying good riddance. But we’ve got a duty as cartoon podcasters to honor our fallen forefather for his years of, if not quality, at least dedicated service. Here’s to you, Flash Player. Let’s hope no one ever mentions badger badger ever again.

Ooof, ouch. What a crick in the neck. Still, that nap left the Cartoncasters feeling pretty refreshed. How long were we out? What? 4000 years? Oh jeez, it looks like all of civilization passed Ben and Zane by. They’ll have to use their grit and gumption to recreate everything mankind has ever used, starting with the top priorities of side-slit dresses and grain alcohol. Get Excited.