The Cartoncast

UFO50 isn’t just an incredible game, isn’t just an amazing concept packed with even more awesome ideas, like some kind of gaming fractal, but it’s so unique and cool that it brought The Cartoncast back out of retirement for one last job.

Thanks to everyone who listened to our nonce for a decade straight. Vaya con huevos.

There’s nothing else to say. This is true art.

Baccano! is brilliant. I’m not even going to front with this one, guys. We both have way too much reverence for this show to do a bit about it that will do it justice. Just take our recommendation as gospel, dust off your fedoras, and get ready for one of the greatest dubbing triumphs of our generation.

Ben and Zane were worried that they were losing their street cred. They were known as the Cartoncasters, sure, but did anybody know about their detective careers? That time they saved the world? The horrible monsters they created/defeated/rebirthed? They brought Ian in to give them a makeover and to let the whole world know that they were the true Land-based Adult Action Squad.

The 90’s was a verdant era for cartoons, coming off the success of Ducktales. However, it was also the era of Tude. Ben and Zane went wandering for a decent - just decent! - protagonist, buried amongst the dross of hedgehogs’ Sonic and Zeldas’ Link. Thank goodness they were able to call in the Mighty one, Gary, to use his catalogue of all things 90’s pop culture. He revealed to them not only do su...

What’s cooler, Moonwalking or the Running Man?

Hating on CGI has become a national pastime for the cartoon-watching world, and we’re certainly no strangers. But is a good concept enough to rescue some fairly uncanny animation and flat characters? This episode features superfan Alex as he walks us through a oft-forgotten movie of the aughts. Remember to bring your walkie-talkies and bikes - you don’t want to be a dead person, do you?

Ben and Zane were reading their Bibles like they totally all the time do, when they read an odd story they weren’t familiar with. It spoke of “fruits of the ground” which “rose up to overthrow mankind” and “sing silly songs all day.” The Cartoncasters asked Ali for help. She used her expertise with vegetables to throw salt over the books and perform an exorcism. They weren’t sure that it was the h...

Ben and Zane were on the hunt for the cryptid provided in their handy dandy cryptid-a-day calendar. This one would be tricky - an astronaut-scientist-olympian-archeologist-professor moose. They called in Phil for his unmistakable expertise in all things hokey and contrived. Turns out the cryptid was more of a metaphor for the cold war than an actual moose. Didn’t work for ya? Well here’s something...

What do you get when you take an Empowered guest, an Australian Cattle Dog, an S-tier dad, and a willingness to get a bit sappy? The Cartoncasters intended to find out. They hustled around the house, putting these elements into their magic blend-o-matic until it spat out the cutest little dog show in the world. Ben and Zane had a great time, but sometimes you just need to rest after playing, you k...

YouTube wasn’t always like this. Before the algorithm took hold, word of mouth and reputation were king. But unlike Flash player, not only the most internally motivated creators could make content. Enjoy our retrospective on some of the early hits in YouTube. * Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! * Electronic Supersonic * Getgoatz! * Before Dave Chapelle went full terf - Oscar the Grouch * Ma...

Ben and Zane were rolling full steam ahead when something on the tracks caught their eyes. It was Andrew, funny little fellow he was, blocking the path of the Cartoncasters. They asked him to move but he would not. He asked them to move but they would not. So they carried him off to the smelter for reprocessing. Also they were all trains.

Ben and Zane are friends. They have fun together. They are Cartoncasters. They meet Muzzy. Big Muzzy. Nic rode past on a bicycle. Muzzy likes bicycles.

Ben and Zane were (once again) musing on what it must be like to be a tween girl. What were the social pressures like? How does one make friends? What sort of wish is worth it to damn the world, and is the world even worth saving? The Cartoncasters only knew one thing for sure: that weird cat thing was due for a beating.

There’s only so much Ben and Zane could take. In the current political climate, they were filled to burst with political satire of every kind: known knowns, known unknowns, and the reclusive unknown unknowns. They needed an expert to help them sort through the harrowing fields of political comedy, and it turns out that Dan Caves was just the man for the job. Sure, he might have prefaced every prop...

Ben and Zane needed an expert to explain the changes they were noticing in their bodies. Zane was able to turn his bones into cheese, and Ben had rat sneezes. They called in Josh to explain some lore about mutations, and the X-gene, and Legends of the Hidden Temple for some reason. When we asked how genetic mutations could let someone create full rats from their nose, Josh just directed them towar...

Ben and Zane had high hopes for their chances on Total Podcast Island. The Cartoncasters were helpful, courteous, and completely absent of drama. And even though their team won the challenge, the host decided that they were bad TV and sent them packing. On to the real challenge: Book Deal!

In some ways, Studio trigger provides a countermelody to the anime of the 90’s. Instead of saying a lot using fairly basic animation, Promare says very little - but it says it really, really loudly. The plot construction is shallow, the characters poorly motivated, and the sense of space is almost nonexistent - and yet, this is an anime powerhouse at the very top of their game, and we found it enj...

Ben and Zane were going on an absolutely wild and unhinged adventure. Just incredible stuff happening that you need to hear to believe. However, first you have to listen to an excruciating story about their recent thoracic surgery. But first, a word from our sponsors: Lice!

Welcome back to the Cartony Awards! This year featured some heavy hitters and surprising dark horses (but not a real dark horse that’s cruel). And as we round the corner toward our final year, we’re left to ponder the big questions. When are they going to fire Great Teacher Onizuka for sexual harassment? How many Sheldons are there? And just what is it about Flo from Progressive? It’s a jam-packed...

Ben and Zane were excited to take on the role of substitute teachers at the local Podcasting high school. On the day of, they realized that they didn’t know any facts! The Cartoncasters bravely wheeled in that old tube TV on the rickety wheeled platform and set up a marathon of Schoolhouse Rock! Did it meet the curriculum? Hell no. Did it still hold up? Yes… AND.

The Cartoncast has an image to uphold, you know. We can’t just have any old podcaster on staff, coming in half-cocked off of a bender, ranting about upskirt shots in video games and confessing actual, literal crimes on camera. But every so often you run into a true problem in the podcast world that can’t be solved with a meeting or a suspension. No, sometimes you need a man like Onizuka, who finds...

Things were rough for the Podcaster Cops down at the station. The legendary Axe Cop - yes, that Axe Cop - was making them look bad! It was up to Law Cop to give them a leg up and show them the beat. Despite learning several hundred secret kicks and foiling the impending Shark/Tiger war, they still couldn’t keep up with Axe Cop, and were forced into early retirement. It’s just as well, though. Rumo...