The Calm Confidence Podcast: Social Anxiety and Being Yourself

What if rejection isn't actually rejection? In this episode, we break down why it feels like getting rejected is often just incompatibility that we've learned to take personally. When you wear a mask to avoid disapproval, you're not protecting yourself, you're just working harder to be liked by people who were never going to be your people anyway. We talk about why being authentic feels so risky,...

One of our biggest fears with social anxiety is that people will find out we have boring lives. We don't go out, don't have many friends and don't do much outside of the house and we worry people will judge us for this. Some might, but we have to accept them. Trying to hide this very really problem only makes us more insecure and self-conscious. Instead, we will learn to shift focu ont...

When we are struggling with social anxiety or confidence we try to project a persona of "cool" on "nonchalant" to the world. The problem is that the very act of doing this indicates we do not feel confident in the first place. Ultimately, no amount of acting cool will actually help us feel more confident or make more connections because this act turns us away from ourselves. We...

College is one of the most socially demanding environments you will ever be in; new people, new situations, and almost no time to ease into any of it. In this episode I talk about what it actually looks like to navigate college with social anxiety. What habits to looks out for, breaking social convention and taking as many opportunities as you possibly can. Interested in going deeper into understa...

We talk a lot about the fear of being judged. But there's a side of social anxiety that nobody really talks about; the fact that when we're anxious, we often become the most critical person in the room. We judge others for their demeanor, their interests and where we think they stand in our self created hierarchy. We become, without realizing it, exactly the kind of judgmental observer we&...

You want to talk to more people, but you're afraid to initiate. This often begins with our expectations. We tend to believe there are certain social "rules" we must follow before approaching, which make taking action twice as hard as it needs to be. In this episode I challenge long held beliefs, accepting possible outcomes, and speaking freely about what is on your mind. Free Mini Wo...

Sometimes making progress with your social anxiety can be painful. We are reminded of all the time and opportunities we lost for not making progress earlier. This can stop us in our tracks and hinder progress moving forward. In this episode I cover how to deal with this very common yet painful process. 🚨 Presale for Social Anxiety Course Open Now — Course Unlocks Monday. Get 25% off before launch...

We’ve officially hit 1000 subscribers! What a journey it’s been, thank you for all your support, you motivate me every day to keep this going. Also, quick update, there was an error with the coupon course. Some of you mentioned it wasn’t working. I figured out the issue and it should be working now, here is the course link: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety...

There is a not so hidden driver of social anxiety, and that is our insecurities. Whether it is the way we look, the way we talk, our current place in life, our physical symptoms... we all have insecurities. For some of us however, they consume our life. We are so afraid of of others judgment that we may hide or modify who we are to feel "secure." The problem is it never works... The more...

Do you ever find yourself up all night worrying about a party, date or presentation the next day (or week or month). This is a very common symptoms of social anxiety. In this episode I explore what anticipatory anxiety is, what we tend to do to try to solve it (which often makes it worse) and what we can do instead to finally put an end to this vicious cycle. Disclaimer: This episode and podcast s...

When we have social anxiety it feels like we are doing exposure therapy every day and yet nothing gets better. Still people tell us, "you have to face your fears." But no matter how hard or often you try you still feel anxious. In this episode I explain what exposure therapy is, why it may not be working and how to actually do it so you can truly start to face and overcome your fears. Di...

When you have social anxiety people give you really bad advice, like "Just be Yourself." It sounds good in theory, but what does it actually mean? No one explains it. Also, sometimes we don't even know who we are, so how can we "bo ourselves" if we can't identify with who we are and what we like. In this episode I explain what this actually means and give a practical gu...

Making friends can be very hard, especially when you get older, and especially when you have social anxiety. In this episode I explore my own experience and struggles making friends and what change made the difference for me. Services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Are you introverted, shy or do you have social anxiety disorder? Thes are three terms that often get confused for one another but are actually very different things. I break it down completely in this episode. DISCLAIMER: THIS EPISODE IS MEANT FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. PLEASE DO NOT USE THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO TO SELF DIAGNOSE. DIAGNOSIS ALWAYS REQUIRES A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. IF...

I apologize for the background noise. It was beautiful out today so I recorded outside on my phone. I spent years trying to figure out how to not care what others think. I read books, argued with myself endlessly, tried to justify, rationalize and reason my way out of my fear… but nothing worked. I remained trapped in my own mental prison. In this video I explain how not caring what others think i...

There's one thing we all do that is making our social lives worse... our phone. It has become so easy to lean on our phone as a crutch when we feel uncomfortable in public. We avoid basic human interaction and pretend we are doing something more interesting or important. Admitting this is a crutch is the first step. Let's see if we can let ourselves sit in an uncomfortable social situation...

When we are socially anxious we become hyper aware of other people's feelings, and we make it our mission to ensure no one is ever upset with us. Reality check: You will upset people no matter how hard you try not to! I'm not saying we should intentionally try to hurt others but we must accept that we are flawed. We will make mistakes and hurt people. If we become too concerned with other&...

The smallest interactions can consume us with anxiety. I know firsthand how a simple "hello" can turn the nervous system into hyperdrive. We assume the worst of people and the worst of ourselves. The truth is, most people want to talk to you. Most people will be pleasant, and the ones who aren't, aren't for us. In this episode I discuss how you can take a gradual approach to over...

Self Improvement has become as divided as American Politics. On one end we have people who believe we should accept ourselves no matter what. On the other end, we have people who believe you should essentially verbally abuse yourself into discipline. Neither of these strategies are actually effective. In this video I discuss how you can actually talk to yourself so you can build a healthy inner di...

Your social anxiety does not want to get better. It likes to feel safe and comfortable. Who can blame it, it's hard to challenge yourself when you are so overcome by fear. What we don't realize is that our anxiety can be very sneaky. It will subconsciously invent reasons why you shouldn't go out and talk to to people today. "It's too cold," "my car isn't working....

Sometimes the things we think are protecting us are acting the things that are hurting us, and that is the case for social anxiety. Beliefs like "but if i do that, it will be awkward," or "if I say that then they won't like me," feel like they are protecting us from shame and humiliation, when in reality they are keeping us stuck in our anxiety. Ultimately if we want to be...

The world doesn't appreciate quiet people. When introverts are young, they are more than happy being alone. But then the people start telling them that this is not acceptable. "Why are you so quiet?" "Why don't you talk?" "Don't you have anything to say?" After a while we start to internalize this. Is there something wrong with me? Am I weird for wanting t...

In this episode I discuss social anxiety with Dr. Vincent Barbieri. Dr. Barbieri and I graduated from the same high school, but barely knew each other because we were both secretly struggling with social anxiety. In this episode we explore or individual experiences and what we've learned through life and through our work as practitioners. Dr. Vincent Barbieri believes that social anxiety never...

"Fake it till you make it," they say, but does it actually work? Can you actually fake your confidence long enough that you will eventually feel it? Yes and no. Putting on a performance that doesn't feel genuine probably won't get you far. Sure you may be able to start getting used to the anxiety, but it's not you. If you have to pretend every interaction, what's the poin...

Replaying social interaction and conversations is at the core of social anxiety. For many of us, the social situation itself is not the worst part of social anxiety, it's the agonizing pain of ruminating, criticizing and critiquing every aspect of what just happen. In this episode I explain the practical way to reverse your rumination so you can move on and live your life. Through a combinatio...