The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

We think a lot about how to lower demands for our kids, but in this episode we’re going to talk about how we can lower demands for ourselves, specifically during the holiday season. Regardless of where you live in the world and what holidays you do or don’t celebrate, it’s hard to avoid the extra stress that comes in December. In this episode, you’ll learn How to look at traditions or expectations...

Living with someone with a vulnerable nervous system almost certainly leaves you feeling like you are walking on eggshells. It’s that sense of not knowing what’s going to happen next, having to tread lightly, and being constantly at risk of making a misstep that will trigger the other person.  In today’s episode, we are going to break down the neurobiology of walking on eggshells and talk about wh...

In this special 200th episode, we’re exploring how to bring compassion, curiosity, and gratitude to our kids’ (and our own) “Watchdog” and “Possum” parts as overworked companions trying their best to help us survive. With acceptance and understanding, we can help these parts rest and integrate, creating space for true change. We also look at the unique challenges parents face, especially when deal...

The brain is the brain is the brain. All behaviors have their origin in the brain. But for some behaviors, it is easy to lose sight of this important truth. Behaviors that would be easy to label as manipulative or controlling or selfish just feel so personal! But if we can remember that even relational skills are brain-based skills, we can reclaim our empathy, set boundaries, and offer the scaffol...

In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some...

If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child? In this episode you’ll learn: How connection and protection can get tied together How to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your child The science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you c...

Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease. In this episode you’ll learn: An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationship How to use our grown-up brain...

What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways. In this episode you’...

All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety. In this episode, you’ll learn How all brai...

I t’s really important to me and my team that you have all the information you might need when making the decision to join The Club- or not. The Club is open for new members now, October 1-8, 2024, and I recorded this episode based on some of the most commonly asked questions In this episode, you’ll learn What The Club even is and why it’s different than other parenting communities What’s included...

Whiplash. You probably know what I mean. You start to be lulled into a life with fewer meltdowns, or less intensity. Then BOOM. An old behavior seems to explode out of nowhere.  You’re right back to feeling like everything’s awful or it’ll never get better or you’ll have to live like this forever.  You might even be frustrated with yourself that you let yourself ‘relax.’ All of these experiences a...

If self-regulation doesn't really exist- then what do we mean when we talk about self-regulation? And why does it matter? In this episode, you’ll learn What self-regulation REALLY is How “self” regulation develop Why you should still teach self-regulation skills Resources mentioned in this podcast: What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81} Self-Regulation Doesn't Exist!!! (ep 43)...

We could never have too many ideas about how to cultivate connections between home and school. Author of Light Up the Learning Brain (and Riley the Brave ) Jessica Sinarski shares practical ideas that can help parents and schools work together to support kids with vulnerable nervous systems. In this episode, you’ll learn Practical, easy-to-implement strategies to create connections between parents...

Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems is practically synonymous with “controlling.” Our kids are controlling and for most of us, if we were honest, we’d notice that the stress of parenting is causing us to get controlling, too. Why? In this episode, you’ll learn Why protection mode almost always leads to an increase in controlling behavior How controlling behavior is an attempt to find sa...

Almost every time I teach, especially if there are folks in the audience not already familiar with my work or the concept of co-regulation, someone asks the very valid question of-  “Isn’t this (co-regulation) just coddling?” Fair question! There are a lot of underlying assumptions and fears in this question that we will deconstruct in today’s episode. Spoiler: Co-regulation is NOT coddling! In th...

This episode originally aired on November 7th, 2023 Does your child yell, scream, or otherwise refuse to talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain? They tell you it’s stupid or tell you to stop talking or get extra silly or just don’t talk? I hear this from a LOT of parents (and I experienced it a lot in the play therapy room). This doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for your child. Promise. In th...

This episode originally aired February 17th, 2023 I’ve been listening for a while and the watchdog and possum brain ideas have really helped me. Is it OK to teach this to my kids too? I’m worried they’ll start using it as excuses. I get this question all the time! If we teach our kids about the watchdog and possum brain are they going to start saying things like “My watchdog brain made me hit my s...

Does your child with a vulnerable nervous system say mean, hurtful, taunting, or aggressive things to your other kids? You already know you can’t control what comes out of someone else’s mouth, so what do you do??? How do you help your kids deal with their sibling’s verbal aggression? In this episode, you’ll learn Steps to help increase your children’s psychological boundaries Activities that will...

What on earth should you do when you have more than one child dysregulated at the same time? You’re outnumbered, you’re overwhelmed. Now what? In this episode, you’ll learn The #1 step to take when more than one kid is dysregulated What to prioritize  How to have realistic expectations for yourself Resources mentioned in this podcast: Child Always Dysregulated? Try This! {EP 18} Stress Response Sy...

If you are a regular listener here on The Baffling Behavior Show, big, baffling behaviors and big meltdowns are no longer surprising in your home. Even if we can’t predict those moments of 'Back-Off or, 'Attack' Watchdog, "Shut Down' or, 'Play Dead' Possum, we can predict that it is going to happen again. You can create felt safety for the other children in your...

Grief is hard to acknowledge and talk about. The truth is, there is grief involved with being the sibling of a child with a special need. In today’s episode, we’re exploring how to support the siblings of kids with a nervous system disability with behavior-based symptoms with all their feelings, especially grief. In this episode, you’ll learn How to validate all your children’s feelings, even when...

One way we can support the siblings of kids with big, baffling behaviors is to teach them about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some way to understand the brain and behaviors) as well as to teach them about nervous system vulnerabilities and ‘overactive’ watchdog and possum brains! In this episode, you’ll learn Steps to take when teaching siblings about owls, watchdogs, and possums so they won’t...

Do you have kids who feel like the way you parent their sibling (the one with the worst behavior!!!) is unfair? We’ll be tackling different topics on how to support siblings over the next month. In this episode, you’ll learn The five things to consider when thinking about how to help siblings understand ‘unfair’ parenting Are you parenting all your kids thru the lens of regulation, connection, and...

Something new and unexpected here on The Baffling Behavior Show! This episode is actually from the Therapist Uncensored Podcast with Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley. Sue and Ann interviewed one of y'alls FAVORITES- Juliane Taylor Shore. Juliane was on The Baffling Behavior Show a long time ago, talking about psychological boundaries and verbal aggression. This is one of my most played episodes EV...

Parents of kids with baffling behaviors are CONSTANTLY being judged by others. How do we get to a point where we don’t care as much about what other people think? In this episode, we’ll explore: Some of the most common judgments that parents of kids with baffling behaviors receive How it’s actually not possible to not care at all, but we can care LESS Three things we can do so that the judgment fr...