The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Have you ever wondered what types of questions you should ask a new therapist to assess how well they understand behaviors through the lens of the nervous system? No need to take notes during this episode, I created downloadable handouts you can access with just one click. Listen to the episode then head over to my website! PLEASE NOTE. These are suggestions. Please vet your professionals thorough...

Kids with vulnerable nervous systems need more co-regulation than other kids their age and yes it’s exhausting. Did you know it’s possible to be GOOD exhausted and not just BAD exhausted?!?!  It’s you’re chronically exhausted, you’re probably not doing as much co-regulation as you are masking how dysregulated you are. And hey- no judgment here! This is very explicitly a no-judgment episode. I don’...

Have you ever wondered how those behaviors that feel 'on purpose' fit into this nervous system approach? They feel so intentional! Like there is so much Owl-brain thought involved. But they certainly aren't behaviors of connection!!! This episode will: Demystify 'on purpose' behaviors Remind you to always consider regulation, connection, and felt safety...then strategize h...

Monitoring and modifying are the two essential elements of regulation. ~ Dr. Dan Siegel When we really understand what makes up the skill of self-regulation, we can be more intentional about helping our kids develop those skills. We can also be more understanding and compassionate when they aren't able to use those skills! This episode explores the skills of monitoring (noticing) and modifyin...

Medical trauma can feel confusing because in many circumstances, we are seeking out the very medical interventions that our kids experience as traumatic.  Trauma is in the eye of the beholder. Some kids experience trauma due to their time in the NICU. Some kids experience trauma at the dentist. Some kids experience trauma due to an emergency or accident.  Much of the time, parents feel helpless or...

Resentment. We’ve all felt it. Very little about this parenting journey has gone according to plan. We’ve done the hard work- the never-ending work actually - of rewiring everything we thought we knew about behavior, what it means to be human, how to parent, and how to have a family. Some days we do it without a second thought. Some days are full of resentment and anger. You aren’t a bad person. B...

One of the harder things to navigate when shifting to a nervous system lens on behavior is the feeling that a lot of the strategies seem like they are rewarding bad behavior. Strategies that invite regulation, connection, and felt safety are usually strategies that feel good. If our kids feel good after bad behavior, will they have MORE bad behavior?? In this episode, you’ll learn What it might be...

We talk a lot about hard very too hard for your kids (thanks Amanda Diekman for that hard vs. too hard language!). But have you considered applying that concept to yourself?  This is intensive parenting! Far beyond when parenting is supposed to get less intensive, you’re still giving super-hero level scaffolding, supervision and co-regulation - and it’s a LOT! In this episode, you’ll learn How to...

This BONUS episode is the audio from my FREE webinar, Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior. This webinar aired lived on 02/04/2025.  You can watch the video webinar for free over at https://RobynGobbel.com/webinar You can also download the free, accompanying resources, including: eBook, fridge sheets about the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum, all the slides as handouts, and some additional acc...

It’s very common to feel like our kids are either intentionally sabotaging good things or that they are purposefully setting us up to be mad or disappointed or to have to say no.  You aren’t imagining this phenomenon! All humans do it, but our kids with vulnerable nervous system and big, baffling behaviors may seem like they do it more often. In this episode, you’ll learn The neuroscience behind W...

It took me a looooooong time to really truly believe and understand that- no one is coming to save me. I had to do the hard work to take responsibility for my own triggers, my own nervous system, my own change. This only happened after oodles and oodles of safety, connection, and co-regulation. Maybe you, like me, have held onto the hope that someone else will fix this. Your child will change, you...

Rose LaPiere LPC, RPT-S, and ACS invites into a space of safety and connection so we can make room for grief. Rose brings her own experiences of grief to her work as a play therapist (and co-leader in Robyn’s immersive training program for parenting professionals, Being With) so she can bravely welcome in, and be with, her client’s big, at times overwhelming, feelings.  In this episode, you’ll lea...

You’ve lowered stress and demands. You’ve reframed your child’s behavior as a response from their autonomic nervous system. You’ve worked hard to help your child’s stress response system rest and begin to heal Now what? In this episode, you’ll learn How rest is only one part of the healing process The importance of reintroducing stress The difference between stress that prompts growth and stress t...

Jon Fogel is a dad who combined his passion for parenting, neuroscience, and impacting the world to create a viral social media account (@wholeparent) and then to publish his book, Punishment-Free Parenting.  Jon and I get lost in some pretty deep topics together, including  How he helps parents make huge parenting shifts How parenting with punishment relies on a pretty pessimistic view of humanit...

How do we help kids feel safe when they are safe? How do we help them take in the safety that exists in their life when their life experiences seem to have convinced them that nothing is safe.  Scaffolding. Yes, we can scaffold felt safety. My recovery from a very serious back injury left me pondering the importance of felt safety in taking risks and the necessity of scaffolding felt safety.  In t...

Play makes kids stronger. It’s necessary for their physical and emotional development, and even their academic development. Play helps kids work through and make sense of hard things.  A few months ago I went searching for a resource that teaches parents some of skills I used as a play therapist because I am passionate about breaking down barriers and teaching these skills to as many adults as pos...

Do you live with someone or love someone who is chronically dysregulated? This episode isn’t an episode that is going to tell you what to do. This is an episode of commiseration. Of “I see you.” It is exhausting to live with someone who is chronically unhappy, or chronically dysregulated. Knowing you’re not alone can help. In this episode, you’ll learn How nervous systems match each other How we g...

Have you ever felt confused by your child’s silly behavior? It seems like they are having fun, but it doesn’t feel good at all? In this episode, you’ll learn How to tell the difference between fun-silly and dysregulated-silly What’s going on in the brain and nervous system for a child who is dysregulated-silly Practical ideas for how to support your child returning to regulation, connection, and f...

You aren’t parenting wrong. It’s not your fault. Asking “What am I doing wrong?” is the wrong question! Here’s what be curious about instead. In this episode, you’ll learn: That you’re not doing it wrong (well, not any more wrong than anyone else) A more helpful to question to ask ourselves when our kids are struggling Why having kids who are never dysregulated isn’t the goal Resources mentioned i...

Robyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems  In this episode, you’ll learn: The relationship between trauma and grief Why it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselves The role of self-compassion How a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes grief Resources mentioned in this podcast: Robyn's book: https://robyngob...

How do we not flip our lids when our kids are going bananas?  It's HARD.  Because dysregulation is quite literally contagious!!  And if we flip our lids too then it's usually pretty hard to deescalate the situation.   Offering connection, regulation, and felt-safety to our kids is a lot easier if we don't flip our lids! (Although for sure- perfection in parenting is never ever ever...

Cues of safety, danger, or life threat come from three places- inside, outside, and between. In part 3 of this series on felt safety, we are exploring felt safety from between- from relationship! In this episode, you’ll learn How availability of connection is a cue of safety or danger How neuroception can tell the state of the other person’s nervous system (connection or protection?) Why nervous s...

In this second episode of a three-part series on felt safety, we are going to explore all the ways our kids (and ourselves) are neuroceiving safety or danger from what’s happening in the environment. In this episode, you’ll learn Misconceptions about felt safety External (outside) cues of felt safety, such as the environment, sensory experiences, structure, and environmental demands What we do wit...

Let’s go back to basics! Last week we talked about seeing behavior through the lens of the nervous system and then took a deep-dive into co-regulation. This week begins a three-part deep-dive into the foundational concept of felt safety. What is felt safety, what isn’t felt safety, and why it matters! Next we will explore the many different ways we are all neuroceiving safety (or not) from our inn...

Hey everyone, this is Alex, Robyn's son and podcast editor. To be 100% honest, we forgot to record a podcast for this week. Luckily, I have stepped in to fill the podcast void and to make my grand reveal! In this episode, you’ll learn What my voice sounds like! Why we didn't get a new episode out for y'all. Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grandreveal   If you work with...