The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

You know that kid who just can't stay in the therapy room? They leave, wander around, get into things that aren't theirs, or are maybe even destructive? And three therapists have already called it quits. Maybe this describes your kid. Maybe this describes the kids you work with. This episode is for both of you. The helper who is trying to be with this kid, wondering what they're doi...

When life is overwhelming and your kid's behavior makes no sense — and feels like it's getting worse — even the best resources get hard to use. You're too dysregulated to sort through 270 episodes or an almost 300-page book to figure out where to start. Of course you are. This episode breaks down why you freeze in the face of new information, or end up just begging someone to tell y...

For years, "the four functions of behavior" has been the go-to framework for understanding why kids do what they do: attention, escape, access to tangibles, sensory. It's not wrong, but it's not the whole story either. In this episode, we dig into where this model actually came from, what it leaves out, and what's underneath it once we go looking with a relational neurosci...

We've been in a three-part series on sticky behaviors (behaviors that don’t seem to change, no matter WHAT you do!), and today we're doing the detective work: what is your specific child's nervous system actually predicting?  In This Episode Three detective questions to help you identify what prediction might be driving your child's stickiest behaviors, and what those behaviors...

Part 1 was about why sticky behaviors stay stuck. Part 2 is where the hope lives. We're diving into the two mechanisms that actually change sticky behaviors at the neurological level. This is the episode that makes the hardest ask of Part - shifting away from ‘fix-it’ and ‘this has to change’ energy- make sense. In this episode you'll learn: Why your child's dysregulation isn't...

If you've tried everything and a behavior just won't stop…that's a sticky behavior. Let's dive deeeeeep into the neuroscience behind the behaviors that feel impossible to change. We'll touch on how the brain stores predictions and how the most well-meaning response can actually, unintentionally, keep those predictions locked in place and perpetuate that sticky behavior. Th...

When kids can't tolerate boredom, it's easy to forget to put on our X-ray vision goggles and chalk it up to too much screen time or even not enough gratitude. Our kids’ reaction to boredom triggers OUR watchdog brain! If we can invite our owl to come back, we will almost certainly see that boredom flips our kids’ nervous system into protection mode. In this episode, you'll learn: Wh...

A dad - who is also a former foster youth and the director of non-profit supporting foster and adoptive families - shares an honest and tender conversation about what it's actually like to parent kids with big, baffling behaviors when life is also impossibly hard. He shares the staggering losses his family has carried over the past few years, how he found The Baffling Behavior Show, Raising K...

A single mom who adopted boy-girl twins through foster care shares about her slow, almost invisible journey from survival mode to genuinely delighting in her now-13-year-old kids. Nothing shifted in one big moment.  Yet somehow, everything changed. In this episode, you'll learn: Why the shift from "I have to fix this right now" to "I can just be with you in this" is the th...

Parenting kids with big, baffling behaviors is hard enough. THEN someone has opinions about it. This episode breaks down why people say the things they say, what's actually happening in you when judgment lands, and how to respond- or not respond- in a way that protects your own regulation. In this episode: Why unsolicited advice and criticism are almost always a projection from the other pers...

Whether you're supporting a dysregulated eight-year-old, a parent who's convinced nothing is working, or the version of yourself driving home after a really hard week, the science is exactly the same. Let’s look at how the theory underneath this podcast, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and the BBTI’s Professional Immersion Program are grounded in the same unified relational ne...

The helpers ~ therapists, coaches, teachers, advocates ~ are burning out at alarming rates. We talk endlessly about self-care, caseload management, and having better boundaries but almost nobody is addressing the root cause.  This is a special episode that I recorded for all the professionals who listen. All the helpers who show up day after day because they love to help the parents of kids with b...

You've learned about the nervous system, you're trying to co-regulate, you're thinking about felt safety and connection — and the behavior is still happening! WHY?!?! This episode is a troubleshooting guide for exactly that moment. Instead of going back to the drawing board, we're going deeper into the same map: getting curious about regulation, felt safety, connection, and ski...

This episode originally aired in September 2024.  Almost every time I teach, especially if there are folks in the audience not already familiar with my work or the concept of co-regulation, someone asks the very valid question of-  “Isn’t this (co-regulation) just coddling?” Fair question! There are a lot of underlying assumptions and fears in this question that we will deconstruct in today’s epis...

Listen in on a conversation I have with a Club member whose family lived through years of intense, violent, and deeply isolating behavior…and eventually found their way to something different. It’s a story about holding onto the truth of who your child is, even when everything in front of you makes that feel impossible. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why “just tell me what to do” doesn’t work in t...

Parenting a child with big, baffling behaviors can feel terrifying sometimes. Especially when those behaviors aren’t just frustrating… they’re dangerous. In this episode, I’m talking with a parent who knows that reality deeply, and who is also finding a way to hold onto hope. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why seeing your child as “good” doesn’t mean ignoring serious or dangerous behavior How one...

What if the biggest barrier to learning in the classroom isn’t behavior… but safety? Teachers are overwhelmed. Kids are dysregulated. And somewhere in the middle, everyone is trying their best…but it’s not working the way we hoped. In this conversation, I sit down with occupational therapist Marti Smith and educator Amie Huggins to talk about what happens when we bring relational neuroscience into...

When your kid melts down after school, it seems like they just have a bad attitude or don’t want to do homework. But sometimes those explosions have less to do with behavior and more to do with a nervous system that has been working hard to handle sensory stress all day long. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why do many kids fall apart after school, even if they seemed “fine” all day How the sensory...

Have you ever had one of those moments where your child completely loses it over the wrong cup, a sibling getting too close, or one tiny thing at the end of the day? It can feel like they are actually mad at you- or their sibling. But actually, rude, defiant, or shutdown behavior might actually have a lot more to do with sensory overwhelm and a nervous system that’s simply run out of capacity and...

The Grief No One Talks About in Trauma-Informed Parenting Sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn’t your child’s behavior, it’s the grief that rises up inside you. The grief of not getting what you needed. The grief of still healing while you’re trying to parent intentionally. In this episode, we talk about the quiet, complicated grief that can come with parenting a child with a vulnerable ner...

This episode is an update and re-record of episode 56 Consequences. Punishments. Limits. Boundaries. These words don't mean the same thing but we often use them interchangeably. In this episode, we get clear on what exactly is a consequence versus a punishment versus a boundary. And how parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety is absolutely not boundary-less or pe...

If you’re parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system when you have your own history of trauma, you know that sometimes your reaction isn’t really about what’s happening in front of you; it’s about what’s happened before . In this episode, we’re talking about how to gently uncover what might be going on when you have a huge stress response to a stressor that didn’t quite need an attack-leve...

This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 94 The Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What stress is and how to differentiate good stress from bad stress The impact of trauma and toxic stress to the Stress Response System How to build resilience in a sensitized Stress Response S...

Content note: This episode discusses trauma, nervous system activation, and protective responses such as shutdown, dissociation, anger, and urgency. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening. If you have a history of trauma, your watchdog and possum parts have likely been working hard for a long time. And when you’re parenting a child with big baffling behaviors, those pro...

This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 7 The brain has two modes- connection or protection. Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection. If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection! You can read more on my b...