The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Hear me out....If I were in charge of giving out superpowers for parents, especially parents of kids with a history of trauma, I'd give you x-ray vision. Attachment research is clear about the power of x-ray vision (except they call is reflective functioning and mentalizing).  It is a powerful ingredient of secure attachment. In today's episode we will explore what kinds of things x-ray...

What if I told you that calm isn't best?  Calm isn't what we are working toward!  And prioritizing calm gives other states of the nervous system a bad wrap! Calm is just a byproduct of an attempt to regulate!  In fact, there are risks to focusing on calm as our primary goal. On today's episode, I'm thrilled to introduce you to Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S, is an international teacher,...

You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma?  Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???” Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious. What if I told you it doesn’t matter? Hear me out. Why do you want to figure that out?  Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situat...

How do we not flip our lids when our kids are going bananas?  It's HARD.  Because dysregulation is quite literally contagious!!  And if we flip our lids too then it's usually pretty hard to deescalate the situation.   Offering connection, regulation, and felt-safety to our kids is a lot easier if we don't flip our lids! (Although for sure- perfection in parenting is never ever ever...

I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons.  #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science.  #2- Self-compassion has tenacity.  There's no way out.  Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion.  I love that abou...

Or mad? Or scared? Or overwhelmed? Or shut-down? Why do I make a mountain out of a mole hill?  Why can’t I keep it together?   Being ignored (or yelled at or cussed at or disrespected or refusing to eat or do a chore or or or or the list is endless) is never going to feel good.  But- have you ever wondered why your brain goes into full on attacking watch dog mode when the reality is- refusing to d...

I'll bet you are familiar with this baffling phenomenon. Everything seems great.  Fun!  Even laughter and real good times. And all of the sudden- completely dysregulation and melt-down. Sometimes even just the anticipation of something fun can lead to dysregulation. I know that understanding the why doesn't exactly solve this problem, but I definitely find that understanding the why can...

Connection.  Empathizing.  Offering choices.  These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good.  So…what should you do instead??? This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend paren...

As I sat down to prep this final podcast episode of 2021- I really paused and reflected on the question- what do you need? What Do You Need? What do you need in December?  In a time of year that often involves increased dysregulation and chaos.  There are more responsibilities this time of year.  You might feel more pressure to have a family that looks or acts a certain way.  There are definitely...

Lori Desautels is an assistant professor in the College of Education at Butler University in Indianapolis.  Dr. Desautels is especially interested in applying the social and affective neurosciences, including polyvagal theory, into the education setting.  Dr. Desautels also spends two days a week in the classroom, currently with 7th graders, where she has the opportunity to be applying the concept...

You might have met Jim Sporleder in the groundbreaking documentary Paper Tigers .  Jim is the former principal of Lincoln High School in Walla Walla, Washington, where he led his team and ultimately his students on the journey of becoming a trauma-informed school.   The work Jim, his team, and his students did was so phenomenal that it inspired the documentary Paper Tigers .  If you haven’t seen P...

Greg Santucci is an Occupational Therapist who has taken Facebook by storm with his bold, playful, and useful posts about working with kids- especially kids with regulation challenges.  He currently works both in a hospital clinic and in the schools.  Greg also has a consultation and training business where he gets to travel the country, training schools and occupational clinics in his ground-maki...

Julie Been is the executive of the Attachment and Trauma Network, a non-profit organization the supports the families of children with experiences of attachment trauma.  One of the resources ATN offers the community is the Creating Trauma Sensitive Schools conference. In today's episode, Julie and I talk a bit about how the conference came to be and what you can currently find at the conferen...

Is it possible to consider that the story we write about the experiences we are having are exactly that? Just a story?  And that it's possible to re-write that story? What about the story we write about someone else's behaviors and our reaction to those behaviors? This week's guest, Emily Daniels, MEd., MBA, NCC, SEP in Training, is the founder of HERE this NOW, a trauma-informed ed...

It's that time of year again. Dysregulation is increasing, holidays are starting, and school is becoming a very hard place for our kids (and their teachers!) Mid to late October begins a very predictable pattern of dysregulation in the families I work with. It's one thing for this to happen at home, but it's probably happening at school, too.  Now what do you do? Today's episod...

What if we could get better behavior by focusing on something completely different? Dr. Nicole Beurkens is a holistic psychologist in Grand Rapids, MI who also has degrees and experience in education and nutrition. Dr. Beurkens started her career in special education and soon found herself with a desire to work with kids, parents, and families in a deeper way than she was able to as an educator. T...

Consequences. Punishments. Limits. Boundaries. These words don't mean the same thing but we often use them interchangeably. In this episode, we get clear on what exactly is a consequence versus a punishment versus a boundary. And how parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety is absolutely not boundary-less or permissive parenting.  It's a way of looking at our...

JD Wilson- dad and host of the Empowered to Connect Podcast- believed that his reputation as a 'legend' when he was baby-sitting other people's kids meant he'd be a rock star parent. Then he actually became a parent :) and we all know how that went!  JD and his wife turned to connected parenting because they didn’t know what else to do.  Their tools weren’t working, the way tha...

Trauma Informed Care was my introduction to a new model on behavior.  A model that went past the behaviorist lens, a model that encouraged us to look way beyond the behavior and get curious about what was driving the behavior. Trauma informed approaches aren't just good for kids with a history of trauma. Truly being trauma informed means connecting with what it means to be human- and then und...

"Therapeutic moments can be brief and ideally are spread throughout your whole week—it’s not just about one hour a week with the therapist."  Dr. Bruce Perry What if kids (and families!) could get what they need from moments of healing spread throughout their entire week instead of in one hour a week in the therapist's office?  I think we can!  We should. We must. This series on Str...

 Marti Smith, OTR is an Occupational Therapist, fellow with the Child Trauma Academy, and founding Board Member with A-TROT, the Alliance for Trauma Responsive Occupational Therapists.    Marti is a dear friend and close colleague.  We met what feels like eons ago at a Trust Based Relational Intervention training and became quick friends.  I’ve learned so much from Marti in my own career about cha...

My guest on this week’s podcast is Michael Remole, a mental health therapist in Central Illinois who integrates trauma-informed equine assisted psychotherapy into his work with clients. A horse-lover since childhood, Michael was working on his master’s degree in counseling when he realized he could integrate his love for horses with his passion for working with people who had experienced trauma. ...

Theraplay is a dyadic (parent/child) treatment modality for supporting children and families that focuses on harnessing the power of the relationship between the child and their caregiver as path toward change and healing.   Theraplay places a priority on strengthening the parent/child relationship as the way to create change for a child or within a family- even in diagnoses or symptoms that don’t...

"The brainstem is developed, soothed, and repaired through experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory" ~ Bruce Perry, MD, PhD This is part 3 of the Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain series. The brainstem is the lowest, most inside region of the brain.  It sits at the base of the brain and connects the skull brain to the spinal cord.  The brainstem is...

Melissa Corkum was the obvious guest to invite on the podcast as part of this Building the Foundation Brain Series.  Melissa was adopted as an infant from Korea and is also a adoptive mom.  She is the co-host and co-founder of The Adoption Connection Podcast - which has now evolved into so much more than a podcast. Melissa has been supporting adoptive families for many years, training in the Empow...