The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

No one likes to feel manipulated.  It feels gross and yucky and we instinctively want it to stop. In this episode, you’ll learn: What manipulation really is Why children manipulate How you can help your child find their voice and decrease manipulation Read a summary and full episode transcript at : https://robyngobbel.com/manipulation If you work with the parents of OTHER people's kids, regis...

A short note from Robyn... This episode is a recording of a social media post and a post I made in The Club a while back. Loving someone who is held captive by toxic shame is so so hard.  I hope this short episode gives you a little understanding of toxic shame and self-hatred, as well as a few practical ideas about how to be with a child who is stuck in a pit of toxic shame. The Club On-Demand Vi...

No matter how much effort we put into understanding behavior, seeing our kids for who they truly are, and connecting with their infinite worth, for those navigating the baffling behaviors of kids who have experienced trauma, or have sensitized stress response systems and/or vulnerable nervous systems, parenting can be traumatic In this episode, you’ll learn: Why the experience of trauma in parenti...

A short note from Robyn... This episode is a recording of an email I previously sent out. Sometimes good parenting advice can actually leave us feeling more alone, isolated, and yes- hurt. It's not bad advice.  It's just not enough. In this episode I mention my interview with Marshall Lyles about Ableism and Parenting, as well as my ow memes and reels (LOL- oh the irony) over on Instagra...

Another important piece of understanding what is underneath your child's big, baffling behaviors is the Stress Response System. Our Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What stress is and how to differentiate good stress from bad stress The impact of trauma and toxic stress to the Str...

A short note from Robyn... This episode is a recording of an email I previously sent out. New skills- like hoisting a kayak over your head or staying regulated in the face of utter chaos- take a lot of practice.  Sometimes shame gets in the way of continuing to practice, and I easily feel the tug toward 'it's too hard.  I should give up...' It is hard.  Sometimes you need to rest. ...

Jessica Sinarski is a highly sought-after therapist, speaker, and change-maker. Extensive post-graduate training and 15+ years as a clinician and educator led her to create the resource and training platform–BraveBrains. She makes brain science practical, helping parents and professionals become healers for hurting children. She is the author of the award-winning Riley the Brave series, Hello, Ang...

This episode is a recording of an email I sent out yesterday. More people have responded to this email than ever before, so I wanted it to reach as many people as possible. There is much grief in loving someone who struggles.  Have you grieved? https://robyngobbel.com/haveyougrieved If you work with the parents of OTHER people's kids, register for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents thro...

When your child can't handle hearing 'NO' or gets really dysregulated when a boundary is set, it can be really hard on the whole family. Understanding the role of Frustration Tolerance in your child's reaction to hearing 'NO' can help you set them up for growing this developmental skill. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why some kids are delayed in developing this compl...

Understanding your child's Mental Models, a specific kind of Implicit Memory, can help you make sense of your child's behaviors and helps you know what experiences they need from you to change their beliefs about themselves, relationships, and their sense of safety in the world.  In this episode, you’ll learn: What a Mental Model is and how it influences our perceptions and behaviors How...

What if understanding memory science and the impact of trauma on memory processing would help our children’s behaviors make sense? You know trauma impacts behavior, but there's a fascinating link between trauma and memory that will give you an even greater understanding of what's shaping your child's confusing behaviors. Understanding memory science helps you respond with more compa...

Laura Strohm, LCSW is a therapist, colleague and dear friend. If you are in The Club or Being With, you already know Laura is my right hand everything. I asked Laura to come on the podcast to discuss a profound post she recently made in The Club Forum about impossible questions, impossible situations, and impossible decisions. You know, the kind of decisions and circumstances that those of you who...

Sometimes it feels like our kids have a hole in the bottom of their heart.  No matter how much love and attention is put in, it seems like it’s never ever enough.   These kids cannot hold onto the feeling of presence and connection.  When it’s there, it’s great.  When it’s not, it’s like it was never there to begin with and they’ll never get it again.  They don’t have a string that connects them t...

Selma Bacevac is a psychotherapist, author, and coach who specializes in helping Balkan women and parents heal from trauma and anxiety.  She is an expert in healing parent/child relationships.  You’ll love listening to Selma because she really just embodies secure attachment. In this episode, you’ll learn What a brave space is How importance brave spaces are in parent/child relationships The inspi...

I submitted my book on June 30, 2022 after 18 months of actively writing THIS book. The story of this book actually starts with me writing another book in 2020.  A book that isn't done but I do hope I'll finish and publish one day! Writing a book was a lot and I really wanted to just process the whole experience with you. And maybe you want to write a book and this episode will demystify...

I know it feels very frustrating when you find a therapist, arrange your schedule, and find a way to pay for therapy only for your child to not participate. Often parents ask me how to get their child to participate or what to do if their child won’t participate.   But actually what we really need to talk about is what does it look like to participate- or not- in therapy.  Especially as a child. I...

Marshall Lyles is a therapist, author, poet, trainer, advocate, and thought-leader.  Mostly though, he is a dear friend.  I asked Marshall to come on the podcast to talk about disability, ableism, and parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems.  I couldn’t possibly capture the beauty of my conversation with Marshall in a short summary.  This is an episode you absolutely want to listen to in or...

Behavior is just what we see on the outside that tells us about what’s happening on the inside. If we want to change behavior, we have to change what’s driving the behavior. This approach to behavior change rests on the idea that regulated, connected kids who feel safe behave well .  If you’re curious about how I came to that conclusion, you can watch my free masterclass and download the free eBoo...

People pleasing is different from cooperation.  People pleasing is different from cooperation.  Cooperation = connection, no loss of autonomy, requires frustration tolerance People Pleasing = abandoning self because it is too scary or uncomfortable to regulate through the rupture in the relationship.   People pleasing is a stress-response. It’s a behavior that the “Trickster” possum uses when the...

"The brainstem is developed, soothed, and repaired through experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory" ~ Bruce Perry, MD, PhD This is part 3 of the Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain series. The brainstem is the lowest, most inside region of the brain.  It sits at the base of the brain and connects the skull brain to the spinal cord.  The brainstem is...

JD Wilson- dad and host of the Empowered to Connect Podcast- believed that his reputation as a 'legend' when he was baby-sitting other people's kids meant he'd be a rock star parent. Then he actually became a parent :) and we all know how that went! JD and his wife turned to connected parenting because they didn’t know what else to do.  Their tools weren’t working, the way that...

Lacy Alana beautifully reminds us that we don’t have to be perfect.  Our messiness can meet each other’s messiness.  We can welcome our kids’ messiness, and find the strength to keep welcoming it…even when it seems like nothing is working. Lacy is a therapist, program developer, trapeze artist, and improv genius who comes to the podcast as an adult who understands childhood trauma because she expe...

It's hard to write a summary of this episode because it is so rich with goodness. Mark Vatsaas is a dad and parent coach for parents of kids with challenging behaviors.  He's compassionate, clear, articulate, and has a knack for seeing straight through to the heart of the manner (that's my observation of him!!) There are so many brilliant sound bytes in this episode.  It's long...

What does my child need for their success to be inevitable? If I wanted to paint the top of a 20 foot wall, I’d rent some scaffolding.  Scaffolding makes the floor higher and would get me as close to the top of the wall as I needed.   The scaffolding would help make my success inevitable.  It’s not the only thing I need to be successful (paint would come in handy!), but it’s a really important pie...

There’s a lot of confusion about what co-regulation really is.  Parents often say to me something like “OK, I get it- I’m supposed to give co-regulation instead of a consequence.  But- what does that really mean?  Like- what does co-regulation actually look like in real life?” Listen to the episode to learn: What regulation really is What co-regulation really is The ‘ingredients’ of co-regulation...