The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation. In this episode, you’ll learn: How boundaries can create physical and emotional safety How to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued development How to set boundaries with...

"I’m so confused about the RAD diagnosis. My son’s therapist suggested it but everything I read online is scary and hopeless. Help!" When parents get a diagnosis of RAD (or it even gets suggested!) they head straight to Google. What they find is terrifying! That's the problem with RAD as a diagnosis! In this episode, I give a new framework for considering what's underneath the...

Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What b...

"Sometimes it feels like my child escalates and gets physical or has a tantrum- almost on purpose. Like- they want to get out of control. Is this possible?" It's totally possible, but it's not because they are manipulative or because they don't want to feel better. Let me help this behavior make more sense to you so you can stay more regulated and present for your child du...

Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behavior Why understanding behavior is important What are our...

An episode of sharing, connecting, and reflecting on all the goodness and intensity of 2022, celebrating this community, and looking forward to the year ahead on the podcast and more. In this episode, you’ll learn: The huge and impactful undertaking of Being With News about my upcoming book! What's been happening in The Club The most vulnerable thing I did in my business in 2022 What's a...

An interview with Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker about empowering children to be the boss of their own stories and how to find therapists who can hold those stories with curiosity and resonance. In this episode, you’ll learn: We all get to decide how we want our stories to be shared, and why it's especially important for adoptees to have tools for responding to intrusive questions The powerful conn...

***This episode originally aired on May 18th, 2021*** What if I told you that calm isn't best?  Calm isn't what we are working toward!  And prioritizing calm gives other states of the nervous system a bad wrap! Calm is just a byproduct of an attempt to regulate!  In fact, there are risks to focusing on calm as our primary goal. On today's episode, I'm thrilled to introduce you...

***This episode originally aired on May 11th, 2021*** You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma?  Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???” Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious. What if I told you it doesn’t matter? Hear me out. Why do you want to figure that out? ...

***This episode originally aired on May 24th, 2022*** There’s a lot of confusion about what co-regulation really is.  Parents often say to me something like “OK, I get it- I’m supposed to give co-regulation instead of a consequence.  But- what does that really mean?  Like- what does co-regulation actually look like in real life?” Listen to the episode to learn: What regulation really is What co-re...

***This podcast episode originally aired on January 5th, 2021*** How do we not flip our lids when our kids are going bananas?  It's HARD.  Because dysregulation is quite literally contagious!!  And if we flip our lids too then it's usually pretty hard to deescalate the situation.   Offering connection, regulation, and felt-safety to our kids is a lot easier if we don't flip our lids...

***This episode originally aired on December 22nd, 2020*** I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons.    Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science.   Self-compassion has tenacity.  There's no way out.  Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you ar...

***This episode originally aired on March 2nd, 2021*** Or mad? Or scared? Or overwhelmed? Or shut-down? Why do I make a mountain out of a mole hill?  Why can’t I keep it together?   Being ignored (or yelled at or cussed at or disrespected or refusing to eat or do a chore or or or or the list is endless) is never going to feel good.  But- have you ever wondered why your brain goes into full on atta...

***This episode originally aired on May 25th, 2021*** I'll bet you are familiar with this baffling phenomenon. Everything seems great.  Fun!  Even laughter and real good times. And all of the sudden- completely dysregulation and melt-down. Sometimes even just the anticipation of something fun can lead to dysregulation. I know that understanding the why doesn't exactly solve this problem,...

***This episode originally aired on February 16th, 2021*** Connection.  Empathizing.  Offering choices.  These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good.  So…what should you do instead??? This episode...

A conversation with Emily Daniels who has developed a trauma-informed training for schools that equips teachers to cultivate conditions for felt-safety in the classroom. In this episode, you’ll learn: What's happening in schools now How felt-safety is different than what we usually think about in regards to school safety Why we should offer an abundance of cues of safety in this time of polit...

An interview with Ilyse Kennedy, author of The Tender Parts about how parts work can help us build trust in how our inner system (and our children's systems) are unfolding and healing. In this episode, you’ll learn: About Internal Family Systems as a therapy modality and way of being Some of the language used to describe parts work How parts work can help parents Resources mentioned in this p...

A transnational and transracial adoptee, therapist and author of Being Adopted, discusses the importance of providing authentic representation and accurate reflection of the adoption experience In this episode, you’ll learn: The importance of providing an authentic mirror for little adoptees How we can allow parts of your child's spirit to breathe Why "fixing it" isn't the most...

Mindi Kessler, therapist and author of Cycle Breaker: A Guide To Transcending Childhood Trauma. talks about breaking general cycles of abuse and trauma In this episode, you’ll learn: What is a trauma reenactment How our children trigger our own childhood wounds Ways to begin healing ourselves Resources mentioned in this podcast: Mindi’s new book, Cycle Breaker Find on Amazon Emotional Freedom Tech...

In this episode, you’ll learn: How to talk with kids about tricky topics like Why they were relinquished for adoption Why they can’t see their family Why their family doesn’t want to see them Why their family has gone on to have a new family Resources mentioned in this podcast: Marcella’s new podcast! Adoptees Dish Listen on Spotify Follow on Instagram Robyn’s podcast series on memory https://roby...

Understanding the difference between having influence over behavior vs. control can help you get clear on what to focus on.  One of the trickier parts of the work I do is talking so much with parents about attachment, their role in co-regulation, and felt-safety, without snagging into parent’s shame about every parent's deepest worry- that their child’s baffling behaviors are all their fault....

We talk about ‘being with’ our kids and each other and our clients. But what does it mean to be with? And why is it important? In this episode, you’ll learn: What it means to 'be with' Why it matters What is require to be with The role of 'tools' in being with Read a summary or the full transcript at: robyngobbel.com/beingwithkids If you work with the parents of OTHER people&ap...

This is episode 3 in a 3-part series on neuroimmune conditions. Today I'm bringing to you a solo-episode about what it's been like to love someone and be in a committed relationsihp with someone who has big, baffling behaviors. Last week, I introduced you to my husband Ed and he described his experience with chronic Lyme disease, nervous system dysregulation, and yes- big, baffling behav...

I invited an adult with a neuroimmune condition onto the podcast to discuss his experience and provide listeners with some insight on what children with PANS/PANDAS and other neuroimmune conditions may not have the words to describe. This special guest happens to be my husband, Ed. This episode is part 2 in a 3 part series. Next week, you'll hear me discuss my experience as a caregiver. In th...

The first episode in a three-episode series on neuroimmune disorders and big, baffling behaviors.  Even if you don't suspect neuroimmune disorders are impacting your family, I invite you to keep listening! Today's discussion with Dr. Qazi Javed highlights the complex relationship between trauma, vulnerable nervous systems, baffling behaviors, and neuroimmune disorders. In this episode, y...