That Checks Out

The guys discuss what cologne is the most dangerous to wear within 2,640 feet of big cats, how a SWAT Team souvenir is merely a down payment on a new front door, and why it’s necessary to cancel your flight when the pilot pulls up in Ford Focus. 

The guys discuss when infidelity can turn deadly if you refuse to look up, how a slow friend is not to be used as a speed bump when running from a bear, and why an overworked robot who’s never invited to happy hour should be denied access to stairwells. 

The guys discuss how according to Instagram it’s “nearly” impossible to fit two dozen contact lenses in your eyes, why a 30 minute bathroom break on your first day will result in a coworker kicking the door in, and when 17 cans of stolen Pringles and a getaway bike will get you a six month jail sentence. 

The guys discuss why the proper sneaker/ski mask selection is so important while “working” naked, when “taking a bite out of crime” still doesn’t constitute owning a grenade launcher, and how “hump enhancement” all but guarantees your camel will be disqualified from competition. 

The guys discuss when an expensive car accident necessitates canceling the family barbecue, why holding a horse above your head while looking a mile in both directions makes you irresistible to the ladies, and how mislabeled exercise equipment immediately becomes delicious to a koala bear. 

The guys discuss how if you wear the same underwear from your 16th birthday until the day you die you will be a billionaire, when a bear will travel 125 miles just to destroy your Honda if he hates you enough, and why kindergarten drop off can be the most imperative step to becoming a successful tech magnate. 

The guys discuss why Father’s Day shopping is never complete without a trip to an avian establishment, when it’s absolutely imperative to sleep in gloves on a commercial flight, and how terrible aim lead to the creation of an infamous  list of records. 

The guys discuss how timing is everything when picking up 80lbs of free frozen soup, why any novel read by a Russian scientist in Antarctica instantly becomes a murder mystery, and when a sketch of a Mets game can automatically exonerate the defendant. 

The guys discuss why it’s imperative you never leave your “round disks of concrete” around Swedish chimps, how being bald leads to a much greater chance of reptilian concussions, and when enjoying a premature bear kabob triggers brain worms. 

The guys discuss when is the best time to weed whack to prevent losing your tank, how rattlesnakes are completely indifferent when it comes to metal poles and a boot, and why becoming a lumberjack can only help your odds of eventually becoming an obstetrician. 

The guys discuss how $0.15 used to get your baby a ride on the mail truck, what are the absolute two most important things to protect when you’re hired as a hit man by an estranged husband, and why you should always bring a picnic basket to the pound when attempting to adopt a puppy in China. 

The guys discuss why you’d never hug a Siberian bear hunter goodbye when he leaves, how an Asian mouse statue in Russia serves as a reminder of lives lost, and when even a plexiglass fortified meth store can’t bring your stepbrother back. 

The guys discuss when a $35 t-shirt and front row seats can’t guarantee a laugh, how buying a gorilla at a Halloween party will get you prison time, and why a hot glue gun and a dream is detrimental to the battery industry. 

The guys discuss when a pizza place is “kinda closed” right now, how when a wife misses her husband (6 times) it results in a huge headache, and why you should never prematurely terminate a hunt for lost chop sticks. 

The guys discuss how lack of regular physical exertion can lead to a trifecta of near death experiences, when a trip to Canada can get you in an ambulance and the Guinness World Record Book, and why Coca-Cola and endless hams leads to gator obesity. 

The guys discuss exactly what is the most important item to pack when skydiving, why having an opinion while working retail in Scotland requires wearing a helmet, and how if 2 sailors can scrape up a sign no title is necessary to transfer ownership of a WWII submarine. 

The guys discuss why all Mountain Dew should be opened by day 29, how owning a boat directly relates to an endless supply of free goats, and when a “First Name” salutation assures an effective recruitment campaign. 

The guys discuss how to enjoy a meal on an unstable surface, when violating a statue makes you fertile, and why a brown notebook can literally halt the waffle distribution in Tennessee. 

The guys discuss how the calendar can dictate entertainment, why it’s important to jump ahead almost an hour today, and when you realize you’ve been had knowing you sometimes just gotta sing along. 

The guys discuss how smoking in birdcages is next to impossible yet eating a sandwich is not, why being a healthy Frolfer makes you way more popular during wedding season, and when removing your wide-brimmed hat assures you a free fifty pound Tarpon.

The guys discuss how Damon’s saved soul qualifies him as a hero, when “six to a stick” is the only acceptable measurement for a green coaster on your table, and why turtle tunnels are essential in preventing train derailment.  

The discuss how flexible scheduling only guarantees frustration and not employment, why they will never put ATMs in funeral homes,  and when a dog tossed over the fence to a polar bear will definitely be be caught with left hand and get you free admission. 

The guys discuss how  a pizza party makes every bank robbery more memorable, why swimming with pants on is imperative when you have a shellfish allergy, and when it’s justified to shoot a bear with an “alleged” drug problem. 

The guys discuss what’s the actual probability of being shot at 300 yards by a girthy bush, why you would never brag about the 30 acres you inherited from your Uncle Roland, and how path proximity is crucial when sounding the alarm for the leash police. 

The guys discuss who really benefits from having a fake family member at times, why a departed loved one should only expect a heavenly high five, and how a reckless semi driver can unknowingly reach hero status in the wake of his chaos.