Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

Personality differences, age differences, cultural differences. We often come to relationships with a set of differences; things that set us apart and give us a unique role in the relationship we're in. We come from different families, different experiences, and different lifestyles. And each of those differences can be an asset to our romantic lives. Differences add spice to a relationship. But l...

What does it look like to pursue biblical dating? You might be surprised to know.  Being a Christian who also happens to be a Licensed Professional Counselor, I'm often asked to speak about the topic of biblical dating. How does a person date in a biblical way?  What does the bible actually say about dating? How can a Christian manage the world of dating with a God-honoring perspective? Which conc...

What happens when you think you're ready to wed - but your parents want you to wait? That's the dilemma faced on this week's episode of the podcast. "We're ready to get married, but our parents want us to wait." It can be really tricky learning how to manage the expectations of what you feel called to in your love live, versus what other trusted friends and family believe. But it's all important a...

"I just want to have a Christ centered relationship." In the Christian dating culture, the term "Christ centered relationship" is a familiar one....one that I've heard time and time again. Any Christian couple will tell you they want to keep Jesus at the center of their relationship, but what on earth does that actually mean? Does it mean you pray together and do devotions? Does it mean you go to...

Let's talk about sex drive in marriage. Because there are a lot of false expectations out there about what sex in marriage is going to look like. I know this to be true, because I surveyed over 1,000 singles, and 1,000 married people to get their views on sex and sex drive in marriage. And the EXPECTATIONS of what sex people thought would be like, compared to the REALITY of what sex actually looke...

What do you do when you find yourself single in your 30s - your mid 30s, in fact - with no prospect of love in sight? "I never imagined I'd be single in my 30s". Today's caller is looking for some encouragement and trying to assess whether or not she should continue to hold on to hope when she finds herself single at an age she never imagined. I'm not gonna lie, there are so many times when our li...

Oneness in marriage. What does it look like for two people to practically become one?  When we talk about oneness in marriage, we often focus on the deep spiritual and physical connection of two becoming one. But what about the practical stuff? The house? The decorations? The furniture? The bed? The closet? We often forget that there's actually sacrifice and selflessness involved in the practical,...

Heart break doesn't have to be the norm...if you know what to avoid, that is. In this episode of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST, we turn the tables on last weeks popular episode, 10 Guys You Shouldn't Date by introducing you to the 10 Women You Shouldn't Date. Avoiding Heart Break These 10 ladies will string you on...drag you down...and break your heart. But it doesn't have to be that way, becau...

Q: Hey Debra! I have a pattern of dating the bad boys. How do I recognize the type of guy I should date, from the type of guy I shouldn't date? When it comes to dating relationships, there is definitely such a thing as red flags in a relationship. The problem is, depending on our level of health and awareness - we can often either ignore the red flags or make excuses for them all together. The rea...

Q: "Hey Debra, I'd love to hear your thoughts about if and how birth order impacts a relationship".  A: Are you the oldest child, middle child, or the baby of your family? Believe it or not, how you answer that question will actually have a significant impact on the type of person you turn out to be - as well as how you do relationships. Your birth order can have a significant impact on your love...

You just got out of a relationship that you thought was going somewhere - and you're looking for some break up advice. Trust me, I know...your heart feels like it's never going to heal. They say breaking up is hard to do. And they're right.  Maybe you are the one that ended the relationship. Maybe things were going well and you got blind-sided. Or maybe, you were slowly starting to drift apart...a...

When you think about communication in marriage, what comes to mind? When I was gathering data for my book, Choosing Marriage, I asked singles to tell me how much time they thought married couples spend in quality communication each week. Then, I surveyed married couples asking them how much time they spend in quality communication each week...and the different answers that came in were almost laug...

How do you build trust in a relationship? Do you give trust right away, or do you hesitate to trust? How does your past influence how you trust in the present? And what if you've been burned in your past? We are back with the first episode of season 2 of the Love + Relationships Podcast, answering this important question! To Trust, or Not To Trust: Three Types of Trust Personalities In today's epi...

Does God want me to be single forever? How do I know whether or not I have the "gift" of singleness? How do I hold on to hope when the future seems so unknown and so unclear? So many people are struggling with these questions as they look ahead at an unknown future and wonder whether or not God has marriage in their horizon. Am I Going To Be Single Forever? There are so many things in life where w...

Dating rules and advice can change with the passing of time. (Hence, I Kissed Dating Goodbye in 1990 vs True Love Dates in 2018- which is $1.99 on Kindle right now for all you bargain hunters out there  ) But there are a few concepts about dating and relationships that won't change no matter what's going on in our culture. Today's caller is looking for some dating advice. She's wondering how to kn...

Can a woman make the first move in a relationship?  This is a question that's always on my radar, because I know it's going to come in about every single Q&A session I have - and let's be honest, it's a rather controversial topic. Truth be told, the answer to this question has changed over the years with the changing of culture and opinions and norms. But it's a topic that's holding a lot of women...

It's not usually the big things that cause relationship problems...it's the small things.  It's the little things that go unaddressed and add up with time that end up causing more damage in a relationship than anyone ever expects. So how do you avoid them? You start by recognizing them. Top 10 Relationship Problems There's a few big picture things that can really mess with your relationship and wi...

Have you ever found yourself oversharing in a relationship? You know what I mean, right? I'm talking about those conversations where you find yourself saying WAY too much, WAY too soon? Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, why on earth did I say all that?  Or maybe you know someone, someone who you're in a relationship with, who tends to overshare. What is it about oversharing,...

Is there such a thing as "the one"? Do you believe that there's only one person out there for you to marry? And if so, how does that impact your relationship choices? Today I'm talking through this issue, and telling you all about how my husband and I had completely different experiences when we first met. At the end of the day, whether you take my side, or my husband's side on the issue - it does...

How far is too far when it comes to physical touch before marriage? I'm sure you're not shocked to hear that it's one of the most frequently asked questions I receive at my relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com. How far is too far? On today's mini-episode (18 minutes!) I'm answering just that! In this quick episode, I'm offering some practical, bite-sized advice for anyone who has ever wonde...

You don't have to like being single. Yes, even you, Christian person. It's okay to struggle with being single! It really is. I'm giving you - reading this post - permission to go ahead and feel those feelings. And in this episode, I'm going to tell you exactly why. On this episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast, I'm talking to a young woman who is struggling with singleness. She's just not fe...

What are some fun date ideas and practical suggestions for a successful first date? On the other end of the spectrum, what are some practical suggestions for married couples who want to carve out some special time each week to date? Dating looks different today than it did 20 years ago. Scratch that, dating looks different today than it did LAST YEAR. In this episode, we are talking through ins an...

What do I do with my raging sex drive while I'm single? I get that question a lot. But the problem is: not too many Christians are teaching about this subject. I can't recall when I heard a sermon about sexual struggles on a Sunday morning, can you? But dealing with your sex drive is a problem that singles have to face on a regular basis....one that will ultimately have an impact on their future m...

It's easy to pretend we've got it all together. Especially in the Church. It's easy to put our best face forward, to post our best photos on Instagram, and to tell our best stories for the world to hear. But none of that really matters if we're pretending to be something we're not. None of that matters if we're actually hurting on the inside....if we're not taking care of ourselves from the inside...

How much does physical attraction matter in a relationship?  What if you know someone is really good for you, but you don't find yourself attracted to them at all? What if there's  strong attraction, but qualities and traits missing from what you're looking for? What if you're married, and start struggling with physical attraction in your marriage? Questions about physical attraction are some of t...