Steve and Jason Are Having a Real Fun Time

Jason became a cotton candy man at his son's birthday party and it went as well as could be expected. Also, if you don't want to invite any scrutiny about how well you utilize a particular skill, don't let anyone else do it. And surprisingly, Steve's family owns a cotton candy machine but he doesn't touch it because he doesn't want to upstage his wife. Yeah... right.

Steve is the only wise man whose wisdom could get interrupted by an itchy nose. Also, his age is advancing to the point where he needs to have daily reminders to zip up before boarding the bus. That's ... concerning. Meanwhile, Jason would rather ignore and work around his failures than admit to and correct them. Finally, don't ask others what they think your flaws are because they might f...

Steve can't help slapping any butt that's similar to his wife's even when he knows she's not actually around, so look out Chinese women of a certain build, hair, and coat style! Also, if breasts have cup sizes, do bottoms have bowl sizes? Curious and stupid men want to know! Meanwhile, Jason's children emulate his behavior and slap his butt FAR too aggressively for his sensitiv...

Rush through these home improvement tips to create stress and hardship for everyone in your family! Hastily unmounting a TV from a wall... not a recommended activity! Arguing with your wife over whether or not you need a new TV... don't do it! No studs? No problem! Call your handyman and let him emasculate you in front of your wife! Horny neighbor? Ask him for tips on mounting your TV! You&#39...

Steve wants to go on ice cream adventures, naturally, and Jason prefers the same thing every time, as you'd expect. Jason believes lavender is meant for soap and candles, not ice cream, so stop making fragrances tasty; tastemakers confound Jason like a Mindfreak from Criss Angel. Finally, Steve thinks any idea is a good one until someone dies from it.

Jason's wife came back from vacation wanting him to buy new pants with the pics of another guy's butt as research. Steve thinks getting those pants will just convince her that Jason's butt really doesn't compare and she'll leave him. Jason worries that his dating practices might have really hurt some girls in the past but they almost certainly got over it nearly instantaneously...

Jason took his family out to the ballpark, buying them both peanuts AND Cracker Jack, neither of which they cared to get back. He also returned the massive food box he was granted access to and wants a medal or something. Oh, and when someone who is not the main performer sings harmonies to the National Anthem, please don't encourage them. Also, the guys welcome a new podcast character: CHURRO...

Jason has never prepared a meal in his life and it shows! Meanwhile, Jason's wife is getting targeted ads for saucy products and he'd like to know why. Also, Steve's Letterboxd is basically just Mr. Skin 2.0, so don't ask him to share it with you. And finally, Jason will turn on anything that produces sound to avoid having to hear anyone (including himself) chew food. They're a...

Steve treats automated car doors like the enabling blight on society that they obviously are and notices that kids must not have the respect and reverence for vehicles ferrying them to and fro and so they slam car doors like a cobra is on the inside. Jason's son does nothing half-assed, meaning that even light play on a tablet involves his whole ass being up in the air. Finally, the guys descr...

Steve makes very specific Ferngully references when talking about the paradise grotto he encountered in Hawaii. Meanwhile, Jason turned over the vacation planning to his family and now he's going to the beach over Wrestlemania weekend. Did you know that when you have a Fear Of Missing Out On Nothing (FOMOON), you're living life wrong? And finally, seriously, tell your friends that your hom...

Jason's dad tried to help fend off a tick attack by burning it from a... private place and Steve thinks he actually made it worse. Steve's bud freaked out about nothing until it turned into something and Steve once confused humans with lizards and cost a young man a healthy chunk of flesh. Burrow in and stay a while!

Jason's "friends" got the shaving cream in the face at a sleepover gag wrong and his eyesight has never been the same since. Steve and his buds watched enough Friday the 13th films to convince themselves a three-legged dog was a bad omen. And finally, did your sleepover include at least one wiener kid? If not, is it possible that YOU were the wiener kid?

Steve wants more detail out of the album covers his daughter is drawing all over the outside of their house but Jason thinks she should consider her medium of choice first. Jason carried childhood trauma from striking out at the plate all the time into adulthood and it's way worse then. Finally, if time travel were invented, Jason would use it to go back in time and make himself better at spor...

Steve went to the Home Depot needing to take care of some business, but found himself needing to take care of some BUSINESS. It was there that he determined Job (of the Bible) dealt with some terrible things, sure, but nothing like what that poor public toilet had to witness. Also, it seems like the only time Jason can time travel is when his family is waiting for him to get out of the bathroom. N...

Podcast Update: Jason found out he's not a party POOPER, he's a party DOER! And whoops, sorry to say, but he's also a clean freak and will probably ruin any party you let him host... or maybe save it? Finally, Steve wishes ghosts left more evidence but he also loves the thrill of the chase.

Steve ate bugs for money as a youth, but you couldn't pay him ENOUGH to eat these weird-tasting, ruined insects that are crawling around today! And Jason missed out on eating bugs completely and thus, the outrage that would apparently accompany the weird flavor they now possess. He does, however, convince Steve that Rick Moranis could be the key to figuring this whole thing out and they worksh...

People ruin Jason's good time when they dare to come to his house after being invited to come to his house. Also, saying "bros before hos" in 2024 feels like the kind of thing you say to get cancelled. Finally, we all know that dudes aren't your muchachos until you've bro-ed out together.

Jason isn't superstitious, just easily freaked out by most everything. Steve's wife put a mirror in their bedroom and the doppelganger spirit it drowsily conjured ruined his chances of having a healthy start to 2024. Steve thinks the guys should get their mirror selves together to double our podcast output. Finally, Jason sleeps in the nude, and in bed will have food, but combining the two...

Jason saw Gallagher three times and yes, it gets as old as you think on repeat viewings. Have you ever seen a standup perform in a board room? Steve has and it was... official and pandering. Also, Jason once sold knives to a celebrity of a sort and thought that was his start on the climb to Comediosity. In Steve's mind, he could have been creepier about it.

Steve wants to tell the story of his no-good, very bad day but can't get out of his own way with quips and witticisms thrown at his cohost. Once he manages to focus, we find out that, while frantically searching for jumper cables to revive his depleted car battery, he was HIT BY A CAR. Now, if you want to talk about obligations, hitting someone with your car does put on the immediate hook for...

Jason is a deacon (and probably shouldn't be) because he thinks people are weird and gross. Both guys have helped the elderly in the past and they're frankly surprised that they still get asked by them to help. Finally, Jason's initial reaction to one of his congregants passing away is to deny and set up a Weekend at Bernie's situation. Wacky hijinks ensure!

What do you think it's called when you cover your buddy's head and beat them mercilessly until they escape? THAT'S A BLANKET PARTY, BABY!!! Also, Jason's finally had too much of Steve's s*** and had to flip the bird at him to stop the BS from flowing. And finally, Steve discovered that if you take the football out of football, NOW you've got a game!

Jason imagines Costco pants are super comfortable and double as a cry for help, but his hips don't lie and they're pleading him to start working out. Also, Zoom ruined meeting time poops for Steve until he realized he can fake Wi-Fi issues to do his business.

Jason became the anti-piracy guy because he's awkward around people, ok? Steve's boss nearly ruined the company with a major freakout when the FBI paid him a visit. And Jason ruins the idea of grieving the loss of a loved one with strategically placed sex toys.

Steve married a communist so he believes he deserves some important award. Unlike his car, Jason will only ever use the jet setting on his fragile, temperamental body. And Jason's wife likes to lay traps for him to loquaciously fall into but he knows better and runs the other way (marriage is fun!).