Steve and Jason Are Having a Real Fun Time

Steve and his family eschewed Thanksgiving traditions for freezer treats and snowshoeing and the gods (... God?) made him pay for their transgressions. Jason found inconsistencies in the Chiefs Hallmark holiday romance, leading the guys to craft the perfect holiday schmaltz plot. Also, Steve and his friends couldn't even afford the tennis rackets that poor people (and cartoon characters) make snow...

Jason used his wife as cheap health care for a quick checkup. Rectum? She did indeed damn near kill him. When asked to reciprocate for health inquiries involving nudity, Jason finds only disappointment when the checkup is where the fun begins and ends. Also, Steve may not be good at much, but he always knows the distance to his... hole.

Steve's wife saw a guy peeing at public, so of course she checked out what he was packing. Also, if a man decides to pee in public, that's gross, but everyone deserves to look if they want. Can you say if you've ever held your pee just to spite someone? Finally, Steve brings back a Then You Ruined It classic: dog table boosties! And yes, Steve has (or has not) pooped in too many caves for Jason to...

This is your holiday reintroduction to Jason: Master of Awkward Conversations! Sure, you might have witnessed someone slowly leaving a conversation, but have you seen someone extricate themselves while in a car? In the rain? Now THAT'S style! Also, Steve encounters many quest givers on public transit and foolishly decides to stick with the main questline.

Doing it right and doing it your way are different concepts we should all grasp to ensure we get along. Jason agrees with Steve's thoughts on another Shinney Swindle to get his daughter into a different swim class and then immediately regrets the validation. Steve plots a murder on the podcast, forgetting that it's public and available to listen by anyone (though very few do, so the chances he'll...

Steve believes that walkin' and talkin' on a speakerphone should exclusively be a social shortcoming of the olds. Jason's eyes are giving up on him by refusing to pick a focus distance to stick with. He also thinks that hair dye should be illegal to sell to those related to someone with impending memory and cognitive decline. Finally, Jason says Steve creates dongless angels every week and you've...

Jason got the frank truth from a high school teacher once it was apparent he would graduate with no problems. Meanwhile, Steve and his class missed out on Lava Hot Springs because they were so horribly behaved that they couldn't be trusted not to be horrible, proving that when words don't work, a punch or a cutting remark will do. Also, some cities have dumb pronunciations so you don't realize the...

Steve accidentally struck an old man at church and got a teachable moment out of it. He also saved a man who nearly ate it on the bus and believes his hero party is still overdue. And... IS there a key to the city? Finally, watching porn on the bus is a choice and not one you want to get in on. Try your best not to be creepy!

And now, a light-hearted school shooting standoff story from Pocatello, ID! Relatedly, "Guns for Pizza" totally sounds like an American trade system. Jason posits that there must have been a protective bubble around Idaho that kept anything in the zeitgeist from penetrating the state. How else do you explain a place that understood the rules of pogs? Finally, Idaho proved that hacky sack is a fun,...

Steve is right that Tuah is not a word and he's also right that it's insensitive to Utah natives. The guys are determined to get "ptui" back in the regular vernacular and knock this flash-in-the-pan gal down a peg or two. They also ask, have they had their moment and it passed them by? Did they pass IT? Has it never happened because it never will? Finally, we used to talk about our vibes but now,...

Jason thinks you should stop what you're doing right now and watch A League Of Their Own while Steve is threatened by the success of Tom Hanks. They also think that sex in a marriage with children present is hard enough, you certainly don't need a child sleeping in your bed and blocking either of the interested parties. Finally, Jason compares sex while married with children to getting a timid faw...

It was time for Jason to finally take the plunge and give blood and it was... fine? He assumed there have been customer-facing technological advances in bloodletting in that last two decades, but the rubber hose wrapped around his arm told him otherwise. Also, overdoing it on the squeezing and easing is preferable to the clotting and rotting (if that's even a thing, probably not). Finally, Steve's...

If you lived in a remote place growing up, chances are no one really cared if you lived or died, especially when it came to vehicular accidents. Heck, Steve's dad didn't feel like an early morning drive in the snow to get his son to soccer practice, so it was time to be a man; he learned how to drive a stick shift by himself in a snowstorm because his dad was negligent and lazy. Meanwhile, Jason's...

When Jason's son rubs his butt on the wrong person, boy is he going to hear about it. Also, ok, so kissing is appropriate in the right context, but rubbing your butt on something is never appropriate... right? Steve expects Jason's son to murder him and usurp his family position any day now (he's 6, BTW). Finally, bringing up commas when your wife tries to teach your daughter about per...

Man, remember the days when everyone loved fartknocker? Jason and Steve remember. Also, Jason avoid teaching putdowns with his son because he doesn't want to equip him with that ammunition just yet. Finally, the guys attempt to craft the perfect, dirty putdown but come up short. It's a great time while they try, though! Oh, and doesn't dongslice feel like only Pauly Shore should say it...

Steve has been forced to leave the comfort of his wet womb (shower) and is constantly second-guessing whether or not his hair growth formula might be introduced to... areas in which he needs no follicle-enhancement. Meanwhile, watching Seinfeld helped Jason see how bad he was at showering. Finally, this podcast is helping Jason realize how developmentally stunted he was and is. Learn from his mist...

Steve's dyslexia rears its ugly head again and leads him to believe people are giving the rivers STDs. And Jason's precocious sister once tried to increase her medical knowledge and only got more confused. Also, Jason's mom once told a customer something dirty that was surprisingly normal to everyone else in the room. Finally, Steve met a doomsday prepper who can't be bothered by e...

Zoom phishing scam or remote layoff notice? Time to play Jason's least favorite game! Also, you'd think working from home would help you hide a layoff from your partner, at least for a bit. At least Jason's good work ethic at least means he won't be late for his Zoom firing. That's got to mean something, right? Slapping your resume against the webcam seems more impactful than j...

Jason's buddy came over for an impromptu night of gaming and a movie but got much more than he bargained for. Also, what's worse: turd water leaking through the floor and into the ceiling fan or splishing and splashing in the fecal flood in the kid's bathroom? And just where should you spend your money: on a quality plunger or a bidet that will make everybody happy?

Jason's bosses have all been pretty cool... except for the greasy dude who was almost certainly a homophobe and maybe the one that made him feel dirty about CSS. Meanwhile, Steve's crotch-grabbing teacher gave the kids something to engage them in the classroom: betting on the day's number of Southern readjustments. Also, Steve begs Jason to name any kind of duck other than mallard but...

Steve loves dogs! Dogs love Steve! At least, most dogs love Steve. But when one decides he can't be trusted, can Steve move on? Also, just how similar to a dog is Steve? Jason investigates while noting that his height is something that dogs don't seem to like. It's certainly that and no other unfavorable traits to consider!

Jason's wife had surprise triple bypass surgery and it's set up one of the craziest Julys in his lifetime. Did you know that flowers can come in fancy paper bags that hold water? WTF?!? Jason's kids leap into action to help him... when they realize that their precious electronic devices are in the damage path. And, "I will mail you my underwear if your cooking tips result in food...

Steve attracts a wide range of dental hygienists to his mouth, from the hygienist-you-wouldn't-bring-home-to-mother to the lady who mistook vinegar for maple syrup. Meanwhile, Jason loves his hygienist and can't suffer anyone else to touch his teeth. And Steve says he appreciated the dullard who comforted him during a difficult dental procedure. Finally, both guys agree that a brief questi...

Sure, Jason snickers at Steve's son's understanding of United States geography, but he also admits he was worried his Virginia-based girlfriend might be crushed by the falling towers on 9/11. Also, his own son gets a lot of facts wrong as well... or is he just learning how to gaslight others early? And experiencing randomly opened doors upstairs has Jason operating at a slightly elevated a...

Steve teaches us about the birds and the bees, specifically which birds are just there for your attention and won't ever really love you back. He also thinks dogs are hippies but assumed birds would behave more kindly. Jason finds out about gelding and thinks he could get into that kind of thing. It's a weird, wild episode.