Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder?  Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why “just try harder” is not only unhelpful advice — it’s based on science that most researchers don’t even believe anymore.  They talk about why impulsivit...

Do you feel almost manic after really good sex — craving more, making impulsive decisions, fixating on the next time? In this episode of Reddit reactions, Cate and Jessamine tackle five real Reddit posts from ADHD women.  Digging into some seriously NSFW posts, they look at why some people with ADHD never feel spontaneous sexual attraction — and why that might be about “out of sight, out of mind.”...

Did you know that women with ADHD consume explicit fiction at dramatically higher rates than neurotypical women — and there’s a neurological reason? Dr. Erika Miley is a licensed mental health counselor, certified sex therapist, and author of the only dissertation published on ADHD and women’s sexuality. After surveying over 2,000 participants, one thing kept surfacing: smut. Romantasy, explicit r...

Is ADHD self-diagnosis valid? According to clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer, that’s the wrong question entirely. When access to diagnosis is limited by cost, insurance, stigma, and identity — and when the people who self-diagnose show higher rates of negative self-image and internalized stigma — the real conversation isn’t about validity. It’s about how we make sure people have access to...

If your home has ever felt like it’s working against you, this one’s for you. Certified professional organizer Alison Lush joins the show to unpack the ADHD relationship to stuff. Learn what chronic disorganization actually means, why the Marie Kondo method can backfire, and how to build systems that work with your brain. We also get into the emotional weight of clutter, organizing as a couples is...

Laura Mears-Reynolds, founder of ADHDAF and an award-winning community organizer, joins Cate to talk about online communication, building connection, and staying in touch when you have ADHD. They dig into rejection sensitive dysphoria and miscommunication, object permanence with people, time blindness in relationships — and why online community can be genuinely life-saving. Plus: the great voice m...

Content warning: This episode discusses self-harm.  What does it actually take to finish a book with ADHD?  Cate sits down with Erik Gude, her co-author of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults , to unpack five years of starts, stops, and persistence. They get into taking advantage of accessibility options and overcoming the shame of looming, unfinished projects to get this one done.  For more on this t...

As we know, Reddit is full of messy love stories, and we have thoughts.  From gaslighting and age gaps to the weird magic of “new relationship energy,” we read posts that make us laugh, cringe, and wonder — can memory be used as a weapon in a relationship? For more on this topic Listen: ADHD and dating Listen: Is it love or is it dopamine? For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed...

Division of labor between partners isn’t easy for anyone. Add ADHD and suddenly dishes come with shame. Trash becomes a crisis. And rest starts to feel sketchy.  Cate sits down with KC Davis to unpack the messy, deeply human reality of sharing work at home. They talk about resentment, perfectionism, time blindness, trust, and why keeping score almost never fixes anything. For more on this topic Li...

Have you ever stayed up all night replaying a meeting in your head? Or obsessed over an email? Or questioned every instinct you have? If making decisions feels like a full-time job, this one’s for you! We’re talking with Dr. Mark Schrime, a surgeon with a PhD in the science of decision-making. Hear about the exhausting cycle of analysis paralysis, second-guessing, and decision fatigue that’s a rea...

If your ADHD symptoms seem to have leveled up out of nowhere, you’re not losing it. Hormones play a much bigger role in ADHD than most of us understand, especially during perimenopause and menopause. Today, we’re chatting with licensed counselor Mandi Dixon about why focus, memory, sleep, and emotional regulation can suddenly fall apart in your 40s. We also dig into why ADHD meds may stop working...

Ever catch yourself spiraling over a decision and feeling like your brain won’t stop replaying every possible “what if”?  Dr. J is joining us to talk about rumination, overthinking, and getting caught in a mood spiral as a woman with ADHD. We’re breaking down why we get stuck and practical ways to interrupt those thought loops.  For more on this topic:  Try: ADHD Unstuck (a free self-guided activi...

When ADHD overwhelm hits, it’s usually not because of one big event. It’s the work project and your kid’s school play and the relationship thing and everyone is out of clean socks... and now you’re caught in a spiral. Today, Cate and our fabulous producer, Jessamine, dig into Reddit stories about work screw-ups, panic lying, and how pattern recognition can quietly turn everyday moments into emotio...

In this listener Q&A, Cate tackles two wildly relatable ADHD questions: sudden sensory discomfort during intimacy, and the maddening cycle of not being able to start a task… then not being able to stop.  From sensory overload and burnout to hyperfocus, momentum anxiety, and emotional regulation, Cate breaks down what’s going on and how to navigate it without losing it.  Thanks to our listeners for...

We’re back with another spicy Reddit Reactions episode! This week, we dive into two wildly relatable ADHD relationship posts: one about a partner claiming “you lost your sparkle” (eye roll), and another spiraling over chores, shame, and new-job burnout. We unpack toxic dynamics, people-pleasing, clutter blindness, and why you’re not weaponizing incompetence.  For more on this topic:  Listen: ADHD,...

Ever said yes to sex a little too fast and regretted it later? Same.  Today we’re joined by psychologist and Understood Expert Dr. Ari Tuckman for a candid talk about impulsivity, ADHD, and intimacy. We’ll dig into the messy mix of consent, shame, and emotional regulation. And we’ll talk about how to slow down, stay curious, and find self-compassion after a spicy decision.  For more on this topic:...

The holidays are here — and so is all the food, family, and sensory overload that can come with them. Host Cate Osborn sits down with Aleta Storch, dietitian, nutritionist, ADHD expert, and founder of Wise Heart Nutrition, to talk about food and ADHD. They cover what disordered eating looks like (and how it’s different from a diagnosed eating disorder), why sensory sensitivities can make meals str...

In the final episode of our “Breaking the Burnout Cycle” three-part series, host Cate Osborn and Dr. Shauna Pollard explore what comes after burnout. They discuss how burnout can affect your relationships, the importance of communicating your needs clearly, and how to reflect on past experiences to avoid repeating patterns.  Cate and Dr. Shauna also shares practical tips for tuning in to yourself,...

Burnout isn’t a weakness. It’s a signal that your body needs real rest.  Dr. Shauna Pollard is back for the second episode in our “Breaking the Burnout Cycle” series to answer the question: What is rest?   Cate and Dr. Pollard talk about what true, restorative rest looks like (hint: it’s not just zoning out on your phone), and how to start taking small, doable steps toward rest when you’re already...

Feeling drained, unmotivated, or stuck in survival mode? In part one of our “Breaking the Burnout Cycle” series, host Cate Osborn and psychologist Dr. Shauna Pollard unpack the question: What is burnout? They explore the signs to watch for, how to recognize when you’re in it, and how it’s different from depression. If you’ve been wondering whether what you’re experiencing is burnout, this episode...

It’s a solo mailbag episode! Host Cate Osborn grabs her trusty D20 to let fate decide which listener emails to answer.  Cate answers some common ADHD questions from navigating ADHD as a woman, to what it means to have a diagnosis, to how symptoms can shift as we age. Related resources Understood Explains podcast season 2: ADHD diagnosis in adults ADHD and: Aging Facebook group: ADHD Support for Wo...

What if your money problems weren’t just about willpower, but about who you are? In this episode of Sorry, I Missed This , Cate chats with Ellyce Fulmore, financial educator and author of Keeping Finance Personal , about how who you are affects how you deal with money. We cover how things like ADHD, race, gender, and queerness all shape your money habits. Ellyce explains how to understand your own...

Social skills can be challenging for people with ADHD. Whether it’s trouble with executive function, or anxiety from past situations, socializing can come with a lot of emotions. It can also be really confusing and bring up uncomfortable questions. Why does it seem so much easier for everyone else? Why can’t I hold on to friendships? What do I even like to do?  In this episode Host Cate Osborn cha...

Ever wondered if your therapist gets you, or if therapy is even working? You’re not alone. This week, Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer is back to unpack the complicated, sometimes confusing, always human relationship between therapist and client (especially when ADHD is in the mix). Host Cate Osborn and Elizabeth dig into how different types of therapy work, how to tell if therapy is actually helping, and wha...

Forget what you’ve seen in movies: BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Leann Borneman explains, it’s more of an à la carte menu where consent, communication, and personal boundaries come first. You can take what works for you and leave the rest. Host Cate Osborn talks with clinical sexologist Dr. Borneman about the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence, and executive function. They explore how so...