Sex, Here & Now

Who are you when you have sex? Most people spend a lot of time thinking about what they do sexually, but very few stop to consider how they show up. In this episode of Sex Here and Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, explores the idea of your sexual style: the roles, patterns, and energies you naturally bring into intimacy. Are you a giver or a receiv...

When was the last time you flirted with your partner? Not asked about groceries. Not discussed schedules. Not coordinated who is picking up the kids. Actually flirted. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I explore why flirting is one of the first things to disappear in long-term relationships and one of the most important things to bring back. Flirting is not just about seduction. It is about...

Why do people spend so much time worrying about everyone else's sex life? In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I explore something that has been on my mind lately: the tendency people have to judge other people's consensual sexual choices while avoiding deeper questions about their own relationship with sex. Whether the topic is kink, polyamory, queer relationships, casual sex, body confidence, or...

Have you ever stopped to wonder how much of your relationship was shaped by the relationships you witnessed growing up? In this episode of Sex Here and Now, we are talking about parents, caregivers, family dynamics, and the relationship scripts many of us unknowingly carry into adulthood. Whether your parents had a seemingly perfect love story, a marriage filled with conflict, or something in betw...

We hear it all of the time: "I just want sex to feel natural." It sounds nice in theory, but what if that expectation is actually making sex harder? In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I unpack one of my least favorite phrases in sex and relationship conversations: the idea that sex should be natural or organic. While our sexual orientation and gender identity may be innate, most of what we belie...

Hello friends, welcome back to another episode of Sex Here and Now. As always, I am your host, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT certified sex therapist, and today we are getting into something that shows up way more than people like to admit, comparing yourself to your partner’s ex. You know the feeling. You hear a story, you see an old photo, or your brain just decides to spir...

Today we are talking about something that sounds simple but can feel incredibly vulnerable in real life, asking for what you want in the bedroom If you have ever struggled to say what you want sexually, you are not alone. Most people were never taught how to communicate about sex in a clear, direct, and shame free way. Instead, we are taught to avoid it, joke about it, or hope our partner just fig...

Today’s episode is for my vulva owners, and honestly, for anyone who wants to rethink how we approach pleasure. We are stepping away from penetration and shifting the focus to something that often gets overlooked, fingers and tongues. Not because penetration is bad or off limits, but because so much of our cultural understanding of sex has been built around it being the “main event.” In this episo...

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt the sting of rejection and wondered what it says about them. I get real about my own experiences, from the subtle brush offs to the more obvious hits, and how those moments can stick with us longer than we would like. Here is the shift I want you to take with you. Rejection is not a verdict on your worth, it is information. It is clarity. It shows you w...

I sat down with Victoria Byler, LPCC, owner of Revive Counseling, for a conversation that feels especially important right now. We dive into men, masculinity, and what it actually means to show up emotionally in a world that often teaches men to shut parts of themselves down. We talk about how shame shapes male identity, why vulnerability can feel so threatening, and what therapy looks like when m...

This episode might feel like a bit of a bait and switch, but stick with me. Your friends are great. They love you, support you, hype you up, and probably have way too many stories about your past that they love bringing up at the worst times. There is real connection there, and a lot of vulnerability. But here is the question we are exploring today, should they be your go to source for advice abou...

Today’s episode dives into one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics I get asked about all the time, sex addiction. Or maybe more accurately, what people think sex addiction is. We are breaking down why the term is not officially recognized in the DSM-5, what clinicians actually look for when someone feels out of control, and why frequency alone is not the right question to be a...

Today’s episode is a fun one. I am answering listener questions that range from how I got started as a sex therapist all the way to the bold question, why do men suck. We get into what I actually love about this work, including why spreading sex positivity continues to be at the core of everything I do, even with all the different roles that come with running a private practice. I also share a bit...

In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt dives into a topic that still makes a lot of people uncomfortable to even think about, pegging. Not just what it is, but why so many people are curious about it and what that curiosity actually means. This is not about pressure or pushing anyone to try something they are not interested in. This is about understanding your body, challenging outdated idea...

What if one simple exercise could completely change how you understand your sexuality and communicate your desires? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I break down one of the most foundational tools I use with clients and one that I believe everyone should try: the Yes, No, Maybe list. This deceptively simple exercise helps you explore your sexual interests, boundaries, curiosities, and limit...

On this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I sit down with my colleague and friend Julie Labanz for a conversation that feels both overdue and incredibly necessary. We dive into the lasting impact of purity culture and how so many of us are still untangling the messages we absorbed about sex, worth, shame, and “goodness.” Even if you did not grow up in a religious household, purity culture has shaped...

We talk a lot about how relationships change over time, and they do. Life gets busy, routines take over, and before you know it, you are not really dating anymore… you are just coexisting. In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I talk about why that shift matters more than people realize. Dating is not just something you do at the beginning of a relationship. It is what creates energy, curiosity, and...

When sex starts to feel distant, tense, or nonexistent, it is easy to panic and assume something is broken. In this episode, Matt slows things down and walks you through what to actually look at when your sex life feels off. From stress, burnout, and self disconnection to relationship dynamics, communication breakdowns, and the unrealistic expectations we are taught about desire, this conversation...

There is this quiet belief that going to relationship counseling means something is wrong. That if you and your partner are “good,” you should be able to figure everything out on your own. In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I challenge that idea. Being open to relationship counseling is not about failure, it is about intention. It is about choosing to invest in your relationship before things fall...

Why do so many loving couples stop having sex? In today’s episode of Sex, Here & Now, I’m diving into something I see constantly in my therapy office: couples in their late 30s and 40s who are still deeply in love… but their sex life has disappeared. No big betrayal. No dramatic rupture. Just an erotic stalemate. Drawing from Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, the Dual Control Model...

We need to talk about something that does not get said enough. Sex is supposed to be fun. In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I challenge the pressure people put on themselves to perform perfectly in the bedroom. From queefing to losing an erection at the worst possible moment, I break down why these experiences are completely normal and why they do not mean anything is wrong. This episode is reall...

On this episode, I sit down with Kristen Lilla, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Educator, to talk about all things sex education and why the conversations we avoid are often the ones that matter most. We dive into her books, what inspired her work, and how she approaches teaching kids about bodies, boundaries, and consent in ways that are age-appropriate and empowering. We also get into why...

In this mini episode of Matt’s Musings, I’m diving into a topic that continues to spark curiosity, confusion, and meaningful cultural change: the rise in people identifying as bisexual. Recent research suggests that about 7 percent of people now identify as bisexual, and rather than asking why it is increasing, this episode explores a more important question. What happens when people finally feel...

In this personal and reflective episode of Sex, Here & Now, I share something a little different. I am getting married this July to my partner of nine years, and as we started writing our own wedding vows, it got me thinking about something we almost never talk about in relationships or marriage: sex vows. After nearly a decade together filled with growth, therapy, travel, and redefining what...

A new study suggests that more than a quarter of Americans are interested in open relationships and honestly, my jaw hit the floor. Not because non monogamy is better than monogamy, but because it tells us something much bigger about where relationships are headed. In this episode, I explore what this growing interest in non monogamous relationships actually means for modern dating, intimacy, and...