Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast

“Using IFS to heal my fear of hell…that was profound" - Forest Benedict Disclaimer: This episode contains explicit discussions of religious trauma, purity culture, sexual shame, and adult sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. Patty sits down with Forest Benedict, Certified IFS Therapist, Sex & Desire Coach, & Author, for a personal and wide-ranging conversation including his jour...

“I can be any part in this, any role in this. I'm both the writer, the producer, the director of this erotic theatrical experience my psyche is creating." Leonore Tjia Disclaimer: This episode contains explicit discussions of BDSM practices, power exchange, trauma, and sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. Patty sits down with Leonore Tjia, a therapist, coach, and kink educator, for...

"These things look like great, big, horrifying  monsters, but actually they're really terrified small beings. Think about it for a minute. They're making their existence as a parasite, an unwanted inhabitant in somebody else's psyche. That's not something a powerful being would do." — Robert Falconer Disclaimer: This episode contains discussions of childhood sexual abuse,...

In this special solo episode, host Patricia Rich celebrates her birthday, which coincides with Earth Day, by choosing to expose her parts…sharing more about her own internal system and inviting listeners to feel into their own vulnerability related to sexual self-disclosure. After 15 months of hosting, Patricia reintroduces herself to the audience, noting how she has evolved since the podcast bega...

Disclaimer: This episode includes explicit personal conversations about sexuality, gender identity, and religious trauma. Listener discretion is advised. In this episode Patty talks with Chelsea Rose Odhner (they/them), Level 2 IFS Practitioner, ICF Certified Coach, and an assistant in Patty’s course, Introduction to IFS through the Lens of Sexuality. This episode is specifically designed to expla...

“...our unconscious will speak to us through our penis and self-protectively disrupt a sexual interaction due to some perceived danger or threat.”   - Daniel Watter in The Existential Importance of the The Penis Disclaimer: Please be aware that this episode includes frank discussion of sexual anatomy, acts, and death anxiety. Listener discretion is advised. Patty talks to Dr. Daniel N. Watter, Cli...

Disclaimer: This episode includes candid discussions of sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. In this episode Patty talks to Randi Hall, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist,  Grief Tender and Facilitator about Authentic Relating (AR) — a practice of realness, presence, and in-the-moment connection through simple games and conversations. We discuss AR as an open source social technology, it...

“Do not think of sex as one dish. Think of it as a buffet…You can do so many things with it. Don't limit yourself to one dish.”  Sabitha Pillai-Friedman Disclaimer: This episode explores sensitive topics related to cancer and sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. In this episode of Self-Led in Bed , Patty welcomes Dr. Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Approved Su...

“It really is so much about the journey rather than trying to get to someplace because that destination seems to change for most people”. - Rachael Meir On today's episode, Patty speaks with Dr. Rachael Meir, psychologist, Ethical Non-Monogamy Coach, and author of 50 Questions to Ask Before Opening Your Relationship . She shares her personal story of opening her long-term monogamous marriage a...

" So, the gift of self-leadership is not that all parts of us are going to be happy, it's that we're going to be able to wisely and accurately discern the next right step for us, and then stand into it and follow through without that backlash from the inner system. " - Jenna Riemersma Few experiences are as painful as having our trust betrayed by an intimate partner. Yet many peo...

”The first thing I ever wrote about firefighters is why I love my firefighters. And I said, firefighters add spice to life..they relieve us of the humdrum of our manager driven lives.” - Cece Sykes Content Advisory: This episode includes candid discussions of sexuality, sexual trauma, and personal experiences that may be triggering for some listeners. Patty talks to Cece Sykes about the deep inter...

“I'm convinced that external suppression and degradation of our bodies, our sexuality and our pleasure, robs us of our full potential. When we claim our embodied autonomy and inherent right to pleasure, we claim our power” . - Suzanne Blackburn Patty talks to Suzanne Blackburn, queer pleasure activist, elder, and guide. After having her own embodiment taken from her early in life, Suzanne foun...

“Parts have different preferences… just because somebody exclusively is in the role of top doesn't mean all their parts want to do that. And same thing when it comes to bottoming or versatile. ” - Max Littman Disclaimer: Please be aware that this episode includes explicit sexual discussion. Listener discretion is advised. On today’s episode, Patricia speaks with Max Littman about his new book...

“The less I own my own sexual needs and desires, the less I can be responsible for them. So people who disown their sexuality are very likely to act out sexually destructively because their sexuality is like a dog without an owner. “ - Mike Elkin Disclaimer: This episode contains direct discussion of sexuality, shame, gender stereotypes and triggering language which may evoke strong reactions. The...

“Like it literally felt like my body was vibrating with energy. Like the whole body experience of Self Energy. ” - Mary Hart Disclaimer : This episode contains sexual content. Listener discretion is advised. Patty talks to Mary Hart, an IFS Level 3 Certified Practitioner, about her personal journey toward Self-Led Sexuality and authentic living which has been informed  by IFS, the Wheel of Consent...

“My pleasure ceiling used to be at about a tablespoon, and then it went up to a cup, and then it went up to a quart, and then it went up to a gallon, and now it's an ocean.” – Betty Martin Disclaimer: This episode contains discussions of touch, consent, sexual activity and sex work. Listener discretion is advised. Patricia welcomes Betty Martin, creator of the internationally taught Wheel of C...

“There's often lots of confusion that people have about why they feel the way they do sexually, and a lot of delicate kinds of negotiating with your partner. And so I think the model really does help free people up to... ask these inner questions to find out why parts are interfering or why their proclivities are what they are." Dr. Richard Schwartz Disclaimer: This episode contains topic...

“What if your internal conflicts weren’t a problem to fix, but an invitation to listen and love yourself more deeply?” Patricia Rich Are you wondering what the heck is IFS? And what does it have to do with sexuality? In this special solo episode closing out Season One of Self-Led in Bed , Patricia shares a clear and heartfelt introduction to IFS, starting with what it actually is and how it is bei...

“Sexual health is about being in your body now and finding pleasure in the present moment.” – Dr. Pebble Kranz Disclaimer : This episode contains discussion of sexuality,  genitals, menopause, and related topics. Listener discretion is advised. Moodiness, hot flashes, poor sleep, libido shifts…the menopausal transition which half the world’s population will experience goes smoothly for some women...

“I can find parts that identify as women, parts that identify as drag queens, parts that identify as men, parts that identify as neither of them…parts that identify as androgynous, there is like a huge variety. So for me that distinction [between sexuality and gender] allowed a lot more variety inside.” Alessio Rizzo Disclaimer: This episode contains discussions of gender, sexuality, and societal...

“There is a possibility of intimacy after domestic violence... I want people to know that healing is possible after trauma.” – Achara Tarfa Disclaimer : This episode contains explicit descriptions of domestic violence, sexual abuse, and trauma. Listener discretion is advised. Reclaiming emotional and sexual intimacy after leaving a profoundly abusive relationship may seem impossible, but it can ha...

“Did you get everything you needed to know by adolescence?...We can feel shame for not knowing, and I have to tell people…you didn't get this because no one taught you, this isn't some flaw of yours…no one taught you, but we can make it different for our kids.” Jennifer Wiessner Content Advisory: This episode explores sensitive topics related to sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. I...

“Scripting and asking for the kind of communication that you want can be a big switch for people…I call it conversational consent, but a lot of neurodivergent people are like, I love to monologue, I'll talk all day about what happened at work or, you know, what I'm thinking about or a book I want to write..but not everybody has the capacity to hold that all of the time.” Content Advisory:...

“And then I started to sort of look at things from the snake's point of view, and I could see where it was coming from and this immense desire it has to help us, and it wants us really to succeed, and it wants us to have sexuality, it wants us to have spirituality, it wants us to have enlightenment.” - Peter Legard Nielsen Content Advisory: This episode explores sensitive topics related to sex...

“ So instead of talking about the dishes, who didn't take the trash out and how the other person's mad, we talk about sexuality. So just openly talk about what happens when you get in bed, and then we start tracking the protectors. We have protective parts and we have exiles. So, just like with any topic in couples, sexuality involves our protectors and our exiles .” - Nancy Wonder Disclai...