Secret Wilderness

In part one of this story, psychedelics sent Tony tumbling down the rabbit hole. First, he told us, they reunited him with his deceased brother. Then they recovered memories of sexual abuse. Now they revealed a tragic secret. But Tony’s tale is far from over. Buckle up. This tunnel has a few more twists. Chapters (00:00) Intro. (03:08) Dealing with guilt. (10:55) Mediumship? (15:09) Telepathy? (19...

Tony couldn’t function after his brother’s suicide. Growing up, they did everything together. They were best friends. After spinning out for months, Tony stumbles onto psychedelics. Desperate for relief, he takes the leap. This is part 1 of the story of what he found. Chapters (00:00) Intro. (03:53) Losing a brother. (07:17) MDMA trip 1 (16:13) MDMA trip 2 (22:11) Then it hit me… Notes Edits: To f...

Today we’re taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming.  We won’t be exploring someone’s psychedelic therapy story, but we will be exploring something else:  The future of this show.

In our first story, Jane has a terrifying trip the day after she had a [quote] “healing” moment on mushrooms. In our second, Lana faces her fear of psychedelics years after she thought LSD [quote] “broke” her brain.  Can we trust psychedelics despite their risks?  These stories explore that question.  Chapters (00:00) Intro.  (02:49) Jane’s terrifying trip.  (20:41) Lana faces her fear.   Notes Ja...

We re-enter Vaughn’s story as the course of his psychedelic therapy takes a turn. For years, Vaughn’s experiences had taken him, he believes, into his family’s traumatic history. He met its villians & victims — many were both — & discovered he could free himself from their burdens by experiencing their experience. This adventure, chronicled in part 1, went on for years. But then things cha...

Today, we explore the complex power of psychedelics through 3 different stories. In our first story, Jane [quote] “telepathically” communicates with her abusive mother on psilocybin. In the second, Lev tries to address relationship issues with ayahuasca. In the last, Trip takes MDMA as a last-ditch effort to prevent his own suicide. Chapters (00:00) Intro. (03:36) Jane’s psychedelic conversation....

When Vaughn was a kid, he always felt alone. So when Vaughn became an adult, he tried to figure out why. His 28-year search, which included practically every personal development course he could afford, eventually led him to psychedelic therapy. In these mind-manifesting sessions, Vaughn says he found the origins of his loneliness in the past. Not just his past. But in the pasts of his ancestors....

After two years of MDMA, Ed was ready to give up on psychedelic therapy. He still couldn’t sleep, & his sessions seemed to keep repeating the same experience over & over. A memory of sexual abuse he wasn’t even sure was real. But before he quit, Ed tried ayahuasca, & it completely changed his understanding of what had been happening on MDMA. Ayahuasca, he says, showed him that it wasn’...

Ed couldn’t sleep. It all started when his daughter nearly died on an escalator. The frayed attention started then too. So did the fits of rage. As exhaustion & problems piled up, Ed’s life slowly spiraled out of control. Nothing he tried had worked. Nothing helped him sleep or made him less angry. Finally, as a last-ditch effort, Ed tried psychedelic therapy. But the experience didn’t cure hi...

Adam finally found hope. His therapist, by his side for years as he was battered by C-PTSD, was now guiding him through psychedelic therapy. Their first MDMA sessions, chronicled in part 1, seemed to uncover the events behind his debilitating symptoms. They also opened the door for Adam to trust someone even in his worst moments. & the worst was yet to come. But… Adam felt different now. Becau...

Adam returned from visiting his homeland a shell of himself. Once a confident & competent IT professional, he was now drowning in mysterious flashbacks & intense dissociation. It was so severe, he’d sit at home for hours staring at a dot on the wall — so persistent, years of therapy & over a dozen pharmaceuticals hardly made a dent. Out of pure desperation, Adam tried MDMA therapy. He...

John & his wife were destroyed. After 9 months of reading the right books & eating the right foods & taking the right classes… after getting all green lights from doctors, Ocean, their son, died in childbirth. It didn’t make any sense to John. How could this happen to him? Why did this happen to him? Why him? This is the question he explores on a massive dose of psychedelics. Chapters...

John met his wife in Hawaii, at the top of 45 tall stairs.  John was a UPS driver. She worked at one of his stops.  & when he got in his truck he looked all the way up the stairs & saw her in the window, waving at him. On their first date, John taught her to surf.  On their wedding day, it was just the two of them, a beach, and a justice of the peace.  A year later, they were pregnant. The...

Lana was running for her life. Just a few minutes ago, just taking a breather outside a bar, she had seen something she probably shouldn’t have. A car pulled up. A group of bikers approached it. A conversation about “guns” and “prices” started. & Lana didn’t want to be around for the end. As the night air whipped past her head, her gears were in overdrive. Now it wasn’t just the shady characte...

Lev’s family moved a lot. France, Japan, Malaysia — by high school, he had lived all over the world. But change has its downsides, & for Lev, it was a lack of safety. So, fear began to slowly creep into his life. It began with denial, reclusiveness, & obsession. But when the fear threatened his relationship, he tried to face it with ayahuasca. Yet as the psychedelic began dissolving his se...

Jane grew up with an addicted, abusive, & absent mother. After finally running away to live with her dad, Jane believed she was free from her mom. But actually, Jane slowly changed into her mom. By the time she was 29, she was addicted to alcohol, Adderall, & cocaine & had the blood pressure of someone on the verge of a stroke. But at 29, Jane was also ready to change. This is the stor...

Parents can hurt us like no one else. The pain can go so deep we can’t imagine life without it. It isn’t part of reality. It is reality. Can people heal this kind of pain? That’s what we’ll explore over the next two episodes. Jane loved her terrifying mother. When mom was home, she was a tornado of booze & abuse. When mom was gone, which was almost always, Jane would try to trick her into comi...

What does it mean to say psychedelics are dangerous?  Science doesn’t show they’re physically harmful.   But psychologically dangerous?  That’s another story. Welcome to Secret Wilderness. I’m your host, Alex Detmering. As someone with ASD, Ravi always saw the world differently. It was, to quote him, “a feeling of kind of being further back in my consciousness.” This difference made him curious, s...

If you could talk directly to your intuition, what would you ask? For most of us, that’s purely hypothetical. For Alexandra, it’s personal history. Raised by loving parents in a stable household, Alexandra had no reason not to be happy. She was supposed to be fun-loving and carefree, so psychologically sound she’d chosen a career in therapy. So when the impulse to cut herself emerged one day, it w...

Today’s episode is special. Today, we travel the depths of psychedelic therapy with three people. In our first story, Susan feels betrayal to heal. In the second, Rick fights to save his marriage. & in the last, Kylie relives her abortion. Chapters (00:00) Intro clip (02:27) Susan feels to heal. (09:32) Rick fights to save his marriage. (19:12) Kylie relives her abortion. Full episodes: Susan:...

From the time she was a little girl, Selina carried her mother’s pain. Her mistakes. Her regrets. & most of all, her miserable marriage. Selina traveled the world to escape their pain, only to find herself engaged at 23. Could self-work, psychedelics, or a decade of seeking free her from the past? Could her marriage break the curse of her parents’ misery? Chapters (00:00) Intro clip (02:01) Be...

Under energy and wit, Trip hid mountains of pain.  Because in his past lurked a “malevolent entity.” An evil that made him feel unlovable, helped destroy his relationships, & haunted him for decades. The evil of his father. But in Trip’s darkest hour, he discovered psychedelic therapy.  Miraculously, he felt himself heal.  Now, could he learn to love the person he was taught to hate?  Could he...

When Eric was 10, he asked God to save him.  Not from hell. From life.  Because his father terrified him, his faith confused him, & there was pain inside he didn’t understand & wouldn’t go away.  So Eric spent nearly 30 years trying to fix himself. Marriage, money, sex, drugs, spirituality, & psychedelic therapy… Could anything take away his pain? Chapters (00:00) Intro clip (02:32) Er...

After 22 years together, Rick’s wife changed his life with five words: “I don’t love you anymore.” Rick was on a roller coaster, heading toward his unfinished past, their uncertain future, & one uncanny therapy: Psychedelic drugs. Chapters (00:00) Intro clip (02:32) The event that led to Rick using psychedelic therapy. (02:44) How Rick met his wife. (04:11) Growing up never fitting in. (5:50)...

In 2022, Susan discovered her husband’s history of infidelity. The betrayal pulled the rug from under her life & uncovered hidden pain from yet another betrayal:  The sexual abuse she had suffered as a child at the hands of her grandfather.  Susan was overwhelmed — pushing her to attempt suicide.  But her husband intercepted her, & begged her to try psychedelic therapy. He felt it was help...