School of Schlock

They say flying is the safest way to travel, but if that's true then what's with all these demonic entities? Join Tom and Ryan as they review a supernatural horror movie set aboard a 747 where the scariest things are wind and mold! Listen in as they discuss cynical priests, the overuse of animal deaths, and hodge-podge religious references. William Shatner warmly invites you to our review of The H...

Polar Vortex have you on ice? Need to warm up a little? Then come to the island where the temperature's hot and the aliens are gloopy! Join Tom and Ryan as they review a strange little 60s sci-fi horror film with some of the biggest names in British acting! Along the way we'll discuss infidelity, solving problems by blowing them up, and, of course, radioactive cauliflower. Things are heating up as...

Cryogenic freezing has been a sci-fi staple for a while, and it's easy to see why. Someone from our time is frozen and wakes up in the distant future of...one day later. And that's about all that happens in the 60s soap opera snoozer dressed up like a sci-fi film! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch scientific lectures, forget about the bullet in the chamber, and make a series of temperature-based pun...

It's that time of year again! The annual Schlockys are here, and Tom and Ryan have a boatload of bad films, characters, visuals, and moments from the past podcasting year to review and rank. Who will take home the coveted Worst Character award? Which visual was the most offensive to the eyes? And what moments set us off on furious rants? Find out all of that and more in the 2018 Schlocky Awards! T...

It's the time of year to spread holiday cheer! And who better to spread holiday cheer than a steroid-using washed up racist wrestler by the name of Hulk Hogan? Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Jess as they review a mid-90s Christmas movie mistake that everyone would just as soon forget. And don't fret, because they also talk about Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, The Wolf of Wall Street, and the dan...

Freddy vs Jason. Alien vs Predator. Abbott vs Costello. There's a long and storied tradition of horror movie monsters duking it out in the cinema and leaving a trail of victims in their wake. It should be a simple formula, but as Tom and Ryan discover, it can go wrong in 1000 different ways! What Hollywood icons had this as their final movie? Why are there three different plots happening? Where sh...

It's been a while since Tom and Ryan tried to watch a sexploitation film, and this movie is here to demonstrate why. Listen in as they discuss this moralizing relic and other topics of interest, such as high school productions of Guys 'n' Dolls, the demonization of sex work, and tombs (where people aren't alive). It's our review of The Wild and Wicked!   Time stamps: 0:02:26 - Background 0:15:10 -...

An icy tundra. A horrible monster. Paranoia and fraying relationships. No, it's not The Thing, no matter how much we wish it was! A giant beast is prowling the Swedish hills, and no one knows how to stop it. Tom and Ryan watch as the film wanders from genre to genre; in the meantime, they discuss American re-cuts, filming a twenty-foot-tall monster, fake Frank Sinatra, and the absence of John Carr...

It's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and...that's about it. It's our annual Halloween episode, and this time we watch a horror movie so impossibly bad, it's scary. A monster that looks like a rejected carpet store mascot has come to earth to consume humans! Who can stop this beast? Some soldiers? A man with a grenade? Tom and Ryan ask themselves these questions while reflecting on why this film...

When there's a villain who needs to be stopped, which international super-spy do you call in to do the job? ...Ok, well what if he's busy? ...Ok, well, eventually, somewhere down the list, you'll find the name Charles Hood. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch Mr. Hood deal in pornography, sightsee in Portugal, and treat women like dirt! It's all in the name of stopping a hardened criminaland his flyin...

Part 2 of our 1984 action movie block absolutely sizzles with poor writing and a disjointed plot! What happens in a future where motorcycle gangs run rampant? The answer is: a whole lot and nothing at all! Join Tom and Ryan as they fly kamikaze model planes, read Insect Man #47, and determine how this movie compares to a grocery store cake. Stop jousting, take off those skull masks, and listen to...

We've got another crappy 80's action film on our hands, and this one doles out the pain in a meandering, lackadaisical fashion. A flamethrower and a welding mask do not an exciting movie make. Listen in as Tom and Ryan discuss an arms race of atrocities, the differences between dump-trucks and trash trucks, and post-apocalyptic gangs in modern-day settings. Vigilante justice is here in the form of...

They're creepy, they're crawly, they want to suck your blood! No, not vampire-centipede hybrids...leeches! And they're all over this cheaply made swamp-stomping monster flick. Join Tom and Ryan as they investigate the right way to fish with dynamite, recoil at this movie's attitude toward women and the environment, and ultimately ask themselves what the heck makes for a movie becoming a "cult clas...

Yeehaw, partner! Saddle up for a plot-light horse opera that's focused on the central theme of every good Western: fighting Japanese spies in the Philippines! Join Tom and Ryan as they chat all about the industrious David Sharpe (again), the terror of ventriloquist dummies, and the right way to merge the Marvel Cinematic Universe into Remember the Titans. So bring yourself AND your pony over and g...

By the gods, it's time to watch a film based on mythology! There are so many fascinating myths and intriguing characters that surely a film based on myth has to be interesting...or at least watchable, right? Well this week Tom and Ryan endure a film that puts the lie to that assumption, as they chat about sword-and-sandal epics, intense misogyny, and very Italian films stars like Gordon Mitchell....

There are a small handful of B movies that can claim a real cult following and true cinematic infamy. Perhaps the greatest and worst of all of these is none other than Plan 9 From Outer Space. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss one of the most famously terrible movies of all time for their special 50th episode! You'll hear all about the future, the tragic end of Ed Wood, the future, beating off ali...

As Indiana Jones could tell you, archaeological expeditions can easily go sideways. Who knows what you might unearth while you're exploring the ruins of ancient peoples? Join Tom and Ryan as they discover the dangers hidden in ancient tombs, learn the differences between pictographs and petroglyphs, and find out how a San Bernadino District Attorney ties into this mess. It's our review of Teenager...

It's another creature feature from the 50s, as well as another Bert I. Gordon joint, where a giant spider is on the loose! Can a high school science teacher and two obnoxious teens save this small town? We discuss the possibilities while also chatting about exterminators in a daycare, failing to empathize with your main characters, and which double-bill featuring this film would be the worst. Come...

Four scientists have crash on Mars and have to survive the barren alien landscape, but if you come to this film expecting The Martian, just click your heels three times and go home! We watch this plodding movie where nothing happens while discussing why nothing happens; we also talk about Martian lectures, a cabal of vending machine operators, and the use of this film as a safe, non-addictive slee...

Adorable, furry parasites from parts unknown are out to conquer the human race via mind control, and Tom and Ryan have to watch this poorly-plotted piece of sci-fi dreck to find out how to stop them! Along the way they discover a missing group of scientists, find out how to make monsters out of pipe cleaners, and uncover a role played by a future titan of science fiction cinema. You don't need to...

If you grew up in the 1980s, you probably knew all about He-Man. But were you one of the lucky youths to experience the live-action movie from 1987? Whether you were or not, you should listen to Tom and Ryan discuss this sword-and-sorcery-comes-to-America adventure. Come learn all about this film's connections to the Rocky franchise, why its climactic fight scene was shot in the dark, and of cours...

In the year 2889, if man is still alive, if woman can survive, they may find Tom and Ryan still suffering through this post-apocalyptic snoozer. Not even irradiated mutants can inject excitement into this film from the 1960s that features everything you'd expect: swimming pools, jugs of moonshine, and absolutely zero tension. You can also expect to find discussion about the all-important title of...

If there are any constants in life, they are death, taxes, and bad movies based on video games. This episode doesn't focus much on death or taxes, but it definitely takes aim at this cheesy piece of 90s cinema that tried to capture the gaming crowd. Tom and Ryan wield the powers of Body and Soul as they talk about roided-up supermutants, The Big Quake of 2007, and the significance of Iron Chef Ame...

Calling all luchadors! There are evil mummies on the loose in the Mexican town of Guanajuato, and only a veritable super-team of lucha libre stars can stop them! Join Tom, Ryan, and Jess as they grapple with this over-the-top piece of Mexican cinema "starring" El Santo. But don't be surprised if the discussion turns to such things as the Guanajuato tourism board, the best restaurants in Guadalupe,...

Buck Rogers in the 25th century! If that's a phrase you recognize, then you're the target market for this 1953 recut of a bunch of 1930s sci-fi serials. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch Olympians, ponder round-trip flights to Saturn, and encounter the person who may be the most prolific actor in the history of Hollywood! So put down that Encyclopedia of Dirigible Accidents and enjoy this review of...