School of Schlock

Looking for some snake-based horror, but tired of re-watching Anaconda? Well come check in on this 1970s herpetological horror flicks that has a bunch of rattlesnakes attacking a small Southwestern community! Tom and Ryan regroup to discuss the fanged fury and to touch on related topics like Law and Order (for snakes), the women's liberation movement, and the music of A Muppet Christmas Carol. So...

The Magnificent 7. The Wild Bunch. Ensemble Westerns are some of the most iconic films in the entire Western genre. Good thing we have 100 minutes of a charisma-less knock-off to watch! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a meandering cowboy film and discuss important related topics, such as Cesar Romero, bardic inspiration, and of course every Chief Petty Officer involved in World War 2. Hang your in...

Who doesn't appreciate the film Jaws? It might be the single most iconic horror film from the 70's. So iconic that other films tried to copy it...to varied degrees of success. So you might be asking yourself, what would Jaws set at a ski lodge look like? Well look no further than this week's movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss Yeti attacks, and also connections to Psycho, the 1968 Winter Olym...

We're still on our kick of movies themed around ancient peoples! This time we get to see what it would be like to have a romance reality show 10,000 years in the past, as eligible singles contend with tribal law and each other to find a mate in this 50's snore-fest. Join us as we talk about this film and related topics like Greek choruses, Futurama, An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge, and winking p...

If the Flintstones taught us anything, it's that the Stone Age was a hot property in the 1960s. Join Tom and Ryan as we sit down to witness a film capitalizing on cavemen popularity while throwing dune buggies and shaving cream into the mix. We also discuss such relevant topics as the Bible, camping and survival tips, and women's names as song titles. So stop chatting with those dead ancestors of...

Once again the new year is upon us, so we have to take a moment to reflect on all the terrible movies we watched in the previous year. Which characters ruined our movie-watching experiences in 2019? Which moments in these movies were the worst we had experienced? And what visuals looked like rushed grade school projects? Find out in our annual Schlocky Awards! Time Stamps: 0:04:50 - Film List & Li...

Who doesn't love A Christmas Carol? This classic Victorian novel about good will and the Christmas spirit has been told and retold countless times, so what could be so bad about another film adaptation of it? Join Tom and Ryan as they learn about how bad it can get when you make a modern Hallmark version about a selfish TV talk show host. There's also plenty of talk about Diff'rent Strokes, romanc...

As any Cybertruck enthusiast can tell you, vehicles of the future are a big deal! Especially if that future is rife with warlords, raiders, survivor compounds, and other Mad Max-inspired dystopian fixtures! Join us as we talk all about angular truck designs, the failures of a patchwork aesthetic, and of course John Ratzenberger. Prepare to live shiny and chrome through our review of Battletruck! T...

Last time we tuned in to Bert I. Gordon to get gargantuan; this time, old Bert is shrinking us down to size. But Honey I Shrunk the Kids this ain't! Join Tom and Ryan as they refuse to shrink away from topics such as misrepresentative movie titles, re-using footage from more well-known films, and of course, doll-maker psychology. It's our review of Attack of the Puppet People! 0:04:45 - Background...

A giant man is stomping around the desert, and his only weakness...is bread. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Aran for an enormously entertaining episode, with high-level discussion of Bert I. Gordon films, and a gargantuan amount of wordplay and puns. We also chat about 60-foot Force ghosts, methamphetamine, grade-school height differences, and raccoons and disguise! It's our discussion of War o...

We're heading on down to the Louisiana bayou to rustle up some gators, people who are turning into gators, and the people who love people turning into gators. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Lacey for a deep-dive on this 50's horror flick, where we answer the pressing questions, like "Is it possible to trip over an alligator?" and "How would you use the Ark of the Covenant to power your gator-la...

Before Hostel, before Saw, and even before Saw 2, what movies could you go see to indulge your taste for torture-horror? OK, now but what if you also lived in Italy in the 1960s? Maybe you would have gone to see this poorly-executed piece of celluloid gothic horror! Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Ryan Terry for an #AllTheHorror collaborative episode that gets into the finer points of villain co...

Was every science fiction space film after 1977 a derivative of Star Wars? Clearly not, because this film is derivative of both Star Wars and Star Trek! Join Tom and Ryan as they slog through this sci-fi drudgery and discuss such important topics as hack directors, Young Frankenstein references, and plot holes the size of black holes! Also they sing part of the Isley Brothers' classic song "Shout....

Saving Private Ryan. The Hurt Locker. Letters from Iwo Jima. War films draw their audience into the bleak, harsh realities of the battlefield and through the extreme conditions of battle. But forget all that, let's watch a war film that's mostly about livestock and a guy getting married! Tom and Ryan dig into this strange (and strangely boring) piece of 50s cinema while discussing dowries, diction...

More 1950's aliens are here to try their hand (claw?) at conquering the world. This time we watch as a giant pickle with a grumpy face turns off all energy and sends tortilla bats to take over people's minds! Along the way we talk about the human embodiment of The Bad, strong character choices for women, and overthrowing the government by starting in suburban California. Turn on your favorite Venu...

In the future, justice has been automated, the US government infiltrated, and cyborg hunters are sent to assassinate their targets at any cost. No, it's not The Terminator. No, it's not Judge Dredd. It's an early 90s D-grade action film marriage of the two! Join us as we discuss digital assistants, Dutch angles, and deadly kick-boxers, all while wondering what year this movie takes place in. Grab...

All aboard! We've got a train to catch as we take a look at a 70s horror film featuring an ancient creature that's awake and out for blood! We might get a little off-track as we discuss eyeball-based memories, James Bond villains, and whether or not this is the best (yes, best!) film we've watched for this podcast. So sit your caboose down and listen to our review of The Horror Express!   Time sta...

A group of scientists have been gathered in a secret laboratory to research atomic energy...but to what end? Fans of Mystery Science Theater may recall the sci-fi film used for MST3K: The Movie, and Tom and Ryan prove that they sure know their MST quotes! Join us as we discuss good 50's special effects vs. bad 50's special effects, ear-piercing sounds, and the worst kinds of philosophical response...

Under the sea! Under the sea! Darling it's better down where it's wetter, except for this movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they review an undersea disaster film that tries, and fails, to rip off The Poseidon Adventure. Along the way we discuss the many aquatic escapades of Ernest Borgnine, what this movie gets right and wrong about deep-sea creatures, and what exactly makes a disaster movie a disaster...

Everyone and loves Godzilla, but what about his hard-shelled cousin, Gamera? This giant turtle is the savior of Japan and a friend to all children! Tom and Ryan watch as he fights a giant knife-headed monster; along the way there is discussion about kaiju gymnastics, the Church of Gamera, and exactly how much monster fighting should be a move about monsters fighting. The Gamera Theme will live on...

Roll for initiative! You're about to begin an epic encounter with a movie that's basically an extended PSA about how Dungeons and Dragons is evil! Don't worry, you've got your faithful party members, Tom and Ryan, at your side; they're ready to fight, but also ready to talk about subjects such as why this film is a poor representation of the roleplaying experience, what "Satanic panic" was all abo...

What would happen if you remade the film Independence Day, but left out all of the action and made the aliens look like goofy bug-eyed humans? Obviously you would get this movie, as Tom and Ryan quickly discover! Join them as they talk about oversized wildlife, the influence of Biography, and the sin of omission. Prepare yourself to be abducted by the Killers from Space!

What would it take to convince a skeptic that the supernatural is real? Would it take unbreakable trances? The foretelling of mysterious deaths? Or maybe just some carnivorous plants? Tom and Ryan watch a 50s horror film that tries to pose these questions, and then delivers disappointing answers. Meanwhile, they discuss casting Austro-Hungarian army members as natives, composing music for SeaWorld...

Post-apocalyptic worlds are often scary, dangerous, and wild places. But what if you could visit a post-apocalypse that took place entirely in a verdant Canadian park? Why, then you'd have poutine, all-dressed chips, and this week's movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they chat about a polite and gentle end-times, review the effectiveness of cloning, and take a long look at the commodification of women in...

Sure, there have been plenty of adaptations of The Most Dangerous Game in cinema and television history. But imagine one with a wild new twist: it's boring! Join Tom and Ryan as they engage in a manhunt, build camera guns, and just miss finding each other dozens of times. You can also find out who the most forgettable lead actor in any of our films has been! Grab yourself a rifle and prepare to wa...