School of Schlock

Iconic 80s action cinema is here! We finally take on a cult-classic that has become its own cultural touchstone with the immortal line: "There can be only one!" Listen in on the head-chopping action as Tom and Ryan discuss (anti-) climactic fights, votive candles, meta-humor, and Egyptian-Spanish-Scotsmen in Japan! It's our one-and-only review of The Highlander!   Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background...

Nazis are all-time classic bad guys. Or at least all-time since World War 2. Regardless, everyone should be able to get behind destroying camps full of Nazi scum, and that's exactly what this corny action flick from 1987 indulges in! Join Tom and Ryan as they touch on relevant topics such as racism, James Bond, and Olympic volleyball players. Call over your best baboon sidekick and listen in to ou...

UFOs and aliens! Time travel and a nuclear apocalypse! Sound exciting? Well don't get your hopes too high, as we struggle to comprehend the plot of this particular 60s Italian film. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss such important topics as Italian dialects, Pep Boys, women's magazines, and pinball machines! Tune in for our review of Star Pilot!   Time stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:14:45 - Back-o...

We have an accidental tradition here on the podcast of watching some of the worst films of all time early in the year. With this cheerleading exploitation horror film, it looks like 2021 is going to be no different! Join Tom and Ryan as they suffer through an almost unbearable movie while discussing pertinent topics like shitty disco music, voyeurism, and the Orcs from Warcraft II. It's our review...

"True Story" films aren't always as true as they claim to be, but something things have to be exaggerated and fictionalized for the sake of entertainment. And what could be more entertaining than Vlad the Impaler? Join Tom and Ryan as they discover the TRUEST story of the origins of Dracula by watching this period-piece drama all about good old Vlad. On the way they also discuss The Wire, charisma...

Thank goodness it's a new year! We give one last middle-finger back to 2020 as we give out our annual Schlocky Awards. Which characters were the outright worst? Which moments do we wish we could unsee? And what visuals ruined our movie-watching experiences? Find out in our annual Schlocky Awards for 2020!   Time Stamps: 0:05:05 - Film List & Lifetime Achievement Discussion 0:10:22 - Worst Characte...

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! It's another yuletide treat straight from our friends at the Lifetime Channel. This time we follow a street-smart city gal and the uptight agent assigned to protect her as they discover the heart of Christmas...and their love for each other! Settle in by the fire as we talk about romance, frosted tips, ugly sweaters, and turning state's evidence. It's our review...

Where do you go when you need radioactive materials in the post-apocalypse? Look no further than Captain Strike, AKA Rage, a wasteland survivor with muscle, smarts, and a too-tight tank-top! Listen in as Tom and Ryan discuss a film that features strange soundtrack choices, inappropriate clothing, and The Bible. It's our review of the Italian action schlock film, A Man Called Rage!   Time stamps: 0...

We're back to looking at another modern Hollywood blockbuster that failed to live up to expectations! This time, a steampunk adventure turns out to be Sean Connery's final film role. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Sami as they delve into such important topics such as how a film falls apart, what not to do with your female characters, and what audiences are looking for in supergroup team-ups. It...

Sci-fi films aren't always focused on alien invasions or robotic uprisings. Sometimes the best sci-fi conflicts can be found in unlikely places: for example, Senate subcommittees! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a film that dares to ask about the practicality of funding an earth-orbiting space station. Along the way, they'll talk about shaky cameras, scientific jargon, and Aaron Sorkin. So tune in...

Every great filmmaker has to start somewhere, and many make their first marks in low-budget B-movies. Here we have proof that even icons like Francis Ford Coppola aren't immune from a B-movie backlog in their filmography. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest George Heftler from the Best Little Horror House in Philly podcast for an #AllTheHorror special collaboration where we talk about sequels, misse...

Can any recent blockbusters really be said to be "B-movies?" We sure think so, as we turn to a Tom Cruise vehicle from 2017 to see just how bad blockbusters can be. A mummy is trying to resurrect an Egyptian god in this failed Dark Universe reboot. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Mike as they discuss all the important aspects of this film, including Russell Crowe's voice-overs, dramatic versions...

He was a legend of martial arts who passed away far too young; the legacy of Bruce Lee can be felt today throughout action films. But what did seedy Hong Kong B-movie makers do to exploit that legacy just after Lee died? Join Tom and Ryan to find out as they talk all things Bruce Lee and Bruce Lee knock-offs, while also discussing such relevant topics as Popeye, sexual assassination, and the best...

What happens when science goes too far...in 20,000 B.C.?!? That fascinating question is at the heart of this sci-fi tinted sword-and-sandals Italian epic. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about mind transplants, pit fights, and what it means to have a film with no texture. Oh, also they get into the subject of geothermal-based apocalypses. Set your magnetic devices to listen in on our review of The...

ONE HUNDRED EPISODES! We had to celebrate somehow, and so we've brought in guests from episodes past to discuss one of the most infamous bad movies of the past twenty years, the Scientology-and-Travolta vehicle Battlefield Earth! We also talk about related things like wrestling names, tarps, Goodbye Earl, and trying to figure out if one of our guests is secretly a Scientologist. Happy anniversary...

It's time once again to delve into an infamous, bottom-of-the-barrel, all time worst B movie. This time a family tries to survive the post-apocalypse while being hunted by a robot gorilla. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk Hollywood blacklists, famous composers, and a dinosaur-based Ragnarok. Fire up your calcinator ray and listen in to our review of Robot Monster!   Time stamps: 0:04:22 - Background...

Space may be the final frontier, but it's also the last place you want to be stuck fighting off angry fire aliens and gravity plates. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss this early 60's sci-fi drudgery, and also talk about the value of work, more poor use of women characters, and of course the properties of oxygen. It's our review of The Phantom Planet!   Time stamps: 0:05:20 - Background 0:15:02 -...

A heist movie. A war film. An adventure flick. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a movie that tries to be all that and more, which ends up meaning it's incredibly uneven and strange. They also discuss disco music, character deaths (or the lack thereof), and perhaps the most star-studded film work we've ever watched for this podcast. It's our review of Escape to Athena!   Time stamps: 0:04:20 - Backg...

Action movies of the late 80s and early 90s were great vehicles for bodybuilders and professional wrestlers. And boy are there a LOT of films from this time that made use of meatheads! Join Tom and Ryan as they take in a film about intergalactic cops duking it out over the fate of a kid. They also discuss governing Minnesota, wanting POWERRRR, and related film The 13th Warrior. It's our review of...

The 1980s were the peak decade for sword-and-sorcery fantasy cinema...and that means that a whole lot of B-grade fantasy films were produced. Some films tried to stand out by fully indulging in some grindhouse-style nudity, and Tom and Ryan are stuck watching one of those! Along the way they discuss mud wrestling (naturally), as well as Phil Spector, Internet user movie reviews, and the value of a...

#PodcastBlackout #BlackLivesMatter   Time Stamps: 0:00:32 - A partial list of black Americans killed by police officers since 2014 0:02:45 - Places to donate

We've got even more 70's horror in store with this lizardman sci-fi creature feature! A meteorite turns a man into a murderous monster, and only the wisdom of Navajo legends hold the key to stopping him. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about important relevant topics like the effects of the moon, euthanasia, and of course, Batman. So turn down that old 45 of California Lady, and turn up our review...

Big-budget Korean cinema has never been bigger or budgetier! A cast of D-list Americans are up against a mighty monster that seeks to destroy humanity at the behest of its alien masters! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss this 90s kaiju flick and also talk about Independence Day, Godzilla 1998, early CGI, and endless horrible quips! So tune in, because we'd like you to meet our little friend, Repti...

Classic vampire horror slowly oozes out of a 70's B-grade thriller that seems to be two films in one. It's got a baby that feeds on blood, a detective killed with a coffin lid, and even occult night classes! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss high body counts, stretching tension past the breaking point, and of course one actor's Star Trek-related honor. So stop your hell-raising seance and listen t...

A film where cool heroes spray bullets at terrorist bad guys? 80's action has never looked so hot! Or so disjointed and fake! Join Tom and Ryan as they delve into a dubbed (and then re-dubbed) action film that's practically unwatchable! We also discuss important topics like the French ninja genre, landmines, and being not-Clint Eastwood. What more could you want? Don your sexiest commando outfit a...