Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

Oh, that's crazy-making, right? You try to talk about your feelings and you get shut down? In today's episode, I give you insights into this whole nasty process of being blamed for being overly sensitive when you're actually speaking up for yourself when attacked. You know what I'm talking about. IT HURTS! Are you told that you're being overly sensitive too often? Hijackals® can be brutal. Nothing...

Has your partner every just stopped talking to you when things weren't going his or her way? Or, when you weren't doing exactly as s/he wanted? And, then, the next things: THE DREADED SILENT TREATMENT! The silent treatment is punishing, punitive, and often the way a person who wants power over you thinks they can control you. Sometimes, though, that other person--or, maybe, you--don't have the ski...

Do you ever try to downplay your need for great self-care? If you're like many folks--too many folks--you likely do! You may have been raised to believe that you should be ok, power through, and need nothing. You may have been told that other people are more important than you are, and that you are a good person when you put other people first...all the time! NO! Not good. Always putting yourself...

Any chance that you're getting your exercise by walking on eggshells? That's a tense, anxiety-ridden, stressful way to get your exercise. Exercise is supposed to make you feel better. Walking on eggshells certainly won't! Whether the #Hijackal you're with is of the narcissistic , sociopathic , passive-aggressive , histrionic, or borderline variety, keeping you on edge is their specialty. When you...

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control or dominate another person . Whether that is through fear, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, guilt, blaming, manipulation, or denial, it is abuse, emotional abuse. When you were little, your brain was still growing. You instinctively knew that you had to keep your parents--The Giants--happy so that they would feed and protect you. At least, tha...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 3 ASSERTIVE THINGS TO DO WHEN YOUR PARTNER REFUSES TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY It's so infuriating, right? A difficult partner, or parent, refuses to take responsibility for anything that isn't praise-worthy. S/he will step right in if they can take credit for something good , though. But, when someth...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor TRAUMA-BONDING: Why You Create Toxic Bonds and How To Release It A conversation between me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, and Dr. Gary Salyer, author of the upcoming book, Safe to Love Again. Are you so attached to someone that you are "hooked on hope" that one day they will treat you better? That's reall...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 10 REASONS YOU MAY HAVE FOR NOT WALKING AWAY FROM YOUR ABUSER Could any of these things be true? Your relationship is bad. And, you don't want to admit it. You keep hoping that things will get better. You make excuses for your partner's outbursts. You believe your abuser when s/he says you are no...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor IT HAPPENED TO ME: Today's guest, Christa, shares her story of life with--and beyond--a #Hijackal husband This is a special feature of Save Your Sanity. I occasionally talk on Save Your Sanity with people willing to share their stories of life with, and after, a Hijackal. That might be their pare...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor ANGRY WITH A HIJACKAL? WHY PAYBACK WON'T WORK Hijackal behavior is outrageous , and it gets your blood boiling too often, right? They are like vampires, draining your blood. And, you just want to show 'em how it feels. And, you want them to see how much they hurt you. And, truth be told, you want...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor HIJACKAL® BLAMING? IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Hijackals take no responsibility for anything they do. They refuse to be accountable. Yet, in order to pull that off, what has to happen? Everything has to be your fault! And, it's not. The patterns that living with a Hijackal create are designed to wear yo...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 7 RED FLAGS THAT PERSON YOU'RE DATING IS TOXIC. RUN! So many people in my Facebook groups write about their fear of dating after being with a Hijackal. They are right to be concerned, and hopefully, that concern will lead them to getting the best help they can so they feel safe with themselves. T...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor EVER FEEL LIKE A PRETZEL OR DOORMAT TRYING TO PLEASE A HIJACKAL®? Is there someone in your life who treats you poorly? Do you feel put-down, ignored, walked over, or taken advantage of ? That's not good. You want to be seen, heard, known, accepted, acknowledged, and appreciated. You know how I ta...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor HOW WILL I FEEL WHEN I'M LEAVING A HIJACKAL? Whether that person has passive-aggressive , narcissistic , antisocial , borderline , or histrionic behaviors or tendencies, you need to know that you're going to have a totally mixed bag of opposing feelings on the day--and for a few weeks after--you...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor IS IT POSSIBLE YOU'RE ENABLING A TOXIC PARTNER? TIME TO STOP! VERY IMPORTANT! NO BLAME HERE! Do not blame yourself, or take on any blame, if you listen today and realize you're been enabling your toxic partner to continue to behave badly. S/he was going to do it anyway. You didn't cause it. You a...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 3 BIG REASONS WHY HIJACKALS® NEVER STOP AND WHY YOU MUST! Hijackals put you down , wear you down , and tear you down . They have to, in their minds because, at deep levels, you are THE competition! You are not, but they behave as though you are. And, no amount of assuring them, caring for them—or...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor IS IT ACTUALLY COMPETITION THAT'S RUINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP? ARE YOU MORE FRENEMIES THAN FRIENDS? There's nothing attractive, compelling, or safe about competition in a relationship that is not on a playing field, in a pool, or a ring. It's destructive and exhausting. VERY IMPORTANT to recognize...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor Special Conversation with ​ Johanna Lynn, Clinical Hypnotherapist All that happened to you in life affects everything that is currently happening in your life. If you are not getting the results in life and relationships that you want, then, you want to listen to this episode for sure.  Unle...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 12 DAMAGING WAYS YOUR NARCISSISTIC MOTHER LIED TO YOU ABOUT WHO YOU ARE You don't have to wonder where your self-doubts came from if you were raised by a mother who had narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, or antisocial--Hijackal®--tendencies. She made sure you learned to walk on eggshells , sec...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 4 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF TO NOT MISS EMOTIONAL RED FLAGS Do you live on the edge, knowing that at any minute you could suffer from a stinger, a snide comment, or a cold shoulder from your partner, parent, or other difficult person? Are disdain and disapproval always waiting in the wings? Are y...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 3 Empowering Responses to Backstabbers, Rhinos & Hijackals® Some days, it's very tempting to not go to work because of the people who are there, right? When backstabbing, bullying, malicious gossip, and all the antics of toxic people are present, you have even more incentive to stay home. May...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 14 Questions To Ask To Know If It's Abuse As I mentioned in previous show notes, being in an abusive relationship--even minimally abusive--is a little like being part of that urban legend of cooking frogs: you don't notice the dysfunction and abuse because the heat is slowly turned up. And, then?...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor Is Your Hijackal® Partner Difficult, Or Actually Dangerous? Being with a Hijackal is a little like being part of that urban legend of cooking frogs: you don't notice the dysfunction and abuse because the heat is slowly turned up. And, then? You're cooked! You want to believe that a Hijackal can c...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 5 Telling Things People Say That Show Their Passive-Aggressive Sides When you experience passive-aggressive behavior from someone, it messes with your head. You question yourself. You second-guess yourself. It's crazy-making. A passive-aggressive behavior pattern in someone leaves you feeling con...

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 8 STRONG STEPS TO HANDLE BULLIES AT WORK...AND, AT HOME. You feel bullied. You see others being bullied. It's not right! Perhaps, you shy away. You sometimes take a day off to get away from the toxic environment. You are ready to stop this nonsense , and today, I'm going to give you some solid st...